Handling The Remote
January 15, 2009
Sexist I’m not, though I must admit I believe there are a few things men have a firmer handle on than women. Just a few, mind you.
Chief among these is the proper handling of the television remote control. This is most likely due to an almost childlike ignorance concerning its proper function on the part of the female. The remote is not used to simply turn the channel or adjust the volume. It’s purpose is much more intricate–to obtain an overall grasp of station selections, striking an elegant balance between quality viewing and commercial evasion. Or, in more simplistic terms, to channel surf.
My wife has long abandoned any hope of holding the remote control. Not that I do not trust her with it. But watching her use it is painful to me in the way that a composer would be pained by watching a hillbilly use a Stradivarius. It is a skill, the handling of a remote. Something that cannot be taught but must be inborn.
Over the past few weeks, however, an insurrection has begun over our family’s remote control. One led not by my wife. Not even by my son.
By my daughter.
It began innocently enough. I walked into the living room one evening and found her on the sofa and the remote on the ottoman. During a commercial break on her favorite cartoon, I decided to see what else was on. When I reached for the remote, however, I found a little hand already upon it. Hers.
The standoff that ensued was both temporary and bloodless, and my Alpha role in the family remained intact. But as these remote control battles increased in frequency, I began to lose a bit of face. The last one, yesterday, ended in a tickle fight that was only broken up with my son whopping me with a pillow.
I’ll be honest here. I really don’t understand the whole remote control thing. I don’t really know what it must be in my hands and no one else’s. I am not a callous snob. I will gladly watch what my family wants. But I must be the one to turn the channel.
True, there is a certain amount of power involved in the remote. Those buttons are alluring. I have a control over the television that is not offered in my life. Possibilities that are difficult at least and impossible at best.
Zoom, for instance. With a push of a button, my remote will enlarge a certain area of my screen and bring greater detail to the larger picture. The ramifications are enormous. I have outwitted both Jethro Gibbs on NCIS and Shawn Spencer on Psych by careful manipulation of that button. I don’t miss anything, even the smallest and most hidden clues. Which is quite unlike my own life, in which I miss too much.
And there is the Swap button. How wonderful that one is, enabling me to instantly trade what I’m watching for something else. Easy on my remote. Harder in my reality.
The Exit button is even more handy, enabling me to quickly escape from a screen I have no idea how I managed to get to. Exit works wonders for me in working with the television. Unfortunately, I rarely have one in life. Most of the time, I must find my own way out of the confusion I get myself into.
I would also like to have Pause, Rewind, and Fast Forward buttons in my life, just so I could take a break or try something again or skip over the parts I don’t like.
Play, too, would be a necessary function. I would like more play in my life.
That, I think, is why I’m so passionate about the remote. And if you’re honest, I don’t think you can blame me. Because we all want a little more control over our lives.
I will say, however, that there I have one function in my life that is much better than its counterpart on my remote control: the Guide button. A push of that button and I know how to navigate around on my television. Handy, no doubt.
But handier is the Guide in my life, the One who can navigate me through all of those parts in my life I would like to skip over or redo or exit. The One who can help me zoom in on what needs to be seen.
And Who can help me swap earth for heaven.
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15 Responses to “Handling The Remote”
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I’m a writer whose first novel, Snow Day, will be published by FaithWords in 2010.
But don’t let that fool you. I’m just as confused as anyone.
And that is fine with me, because the great thing about wandering around in the fog is that you never know what you might run into.
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Humerous – yet you speak the truth. After 13 years of marriage to my husband I instinctively hand the remote to him when he walks in the room; maybe a showing of respect, but more likely, I know he’s just going to take it anyway so I’d rather be the first to make a move.
Thank you, for making me think about life in little things like remotes.
Awesome. I think you said it quite well – though I find myself losing out to my 12 year old daughter more and more frequently. Tickle fights with her aren’t cool anymore, either!
Our Bible study is working through Genesis. Yesterday morning we studied in Genesis 15 (end of 14 or 15) and read how the Lord appeared to Abram and told him how his family was going to endure 400 years of hardship, but eventually prosper.
Fast forward? I am not sure. I would love to rewind and undo many of my mistakes but am really fighting to live in the here and now these days!
A great post, great stuff to ponder!
Be blessed today, my friend!
NICE!!! You said that quite well, my friend. I related to the part where you say it’s painful for you to watch your wife use the remote. My hubby would agree.
I’m not a complete nimrod when it comes to electronics, but not far from it. I know enough to be dangerous, and I’ve caused my sweet hubby many hours trying to figure out something I did…”Now WHAT button did you push to make it do that?”
**LOL**
Funny….with a house full of girls (my dog is the only boy, poor guy), the remote in our house is viewed a bit differently.
Only we lost it about a month ago and have NO IDEA where it has gone so we just fight over who is gonna get up and change the channel. That thing has more power than it should. Made us a bunch of lazy bums!
I, too, wish I had a fastforward button in life….but you have to go THROUGH it in order to be BLESSED by it.
Thanks for a great persepctive!
My husband is the only male in our household (his sons don’t live with us) and it drives him crazy that the remote is always lost. The girls can’t keep up with it for nothing.
I think it is hilarious, but then I don’t have problems getting up and changing the channel or sticking to a channel during commercials. I have always found the latter to be silly. If one channel is in commercials, most other channels will be as well.
My hubby and I fight over the remote, but not to stay on a specific channel. He’s near deaf and I’m not.
All I can say is thank goodness for Closed Captioning — and two remotes that control the volume.
Great point about God being in charge of the remote of our lives. Good thing, because I have no idea how to work all the buttons.
I will never look at our remote control the same again! However, in our house, I am the surfer. My hubby is the stay on one channel guy. Except in life, we are both in sync with our channels on God.
That is so freakin’ funny!
I was laughing out loud trying to visualize a grown man and young daughter battling over a TV remote!!
But as usual, in the end you paint the picture of everything (your story) very well; that God is our navigator, our guide and director of our lives. If we aren’t humble and submit to Him we will certainly find his correction through time.
Also, please pray for Jennifer. I don’t know if you heard of her car injury, but she’s bruised up pretty good. Keep her in your prayers. Seems like the devil is doing overtime on her family.
my wife does so many things better than me, but i agree: watching her use the remote is painful.
something just isn’t right about it.
That was well written.
I thought only mothers blog but interestingly enough, I’ve read many blogs made by fathers and I can relate more to them (I’m still single, by the way), like this one you got here.
This generation needs God-fearing fathers and it seems like you are one of them.
God bless!
very cool and funny as usual. I’m featuring this Friday at the High calling site.
Gordon Atkinson
http://Highcallingblogs.com
hey billy, i read this post this morning, and you came to mind (with your desire to be a published writer)… thought you might like to read it if you have a spare minute or two. (http://97secondswithgod.blogspot.com/2009/01/hiding-in-fields.html) as for me, i’m glad i find myself in the field where God has you hidden…
Hey, Billy.
Just stopped to say that I’ve been catching up on the blogs. I was out of pocket for several weeks, and I’m slowly making up for lost time.
(I’m writing this between comercials.) Just kidding. I have TIVO, I forward through comercials!
They say the remote control finger is the last thing to go on a man. I believe it.
Know what I do when I get ticked off at my husband?
I HIDE THE REMOTE!
Evil? More like evil genius! He gets all twitchy and nervous when I have the remote. Sort of like when I’m driving…