Billy Coffey
Billy Coffey

Always a Story

February 10, 2009  

My post last week about an incident at the mall garnered some interesting reactions, at least to me. I figured a lot of you would wonder what in the world was going on with this poor woman who refused to let me hold the door for her. And a lot of you did. But just as many wondered how I could have possibly kept hold of myself. How could I have not either burst out laughing when she fell or given her the good cussing she maybe deserved?

Truth is, I might have been calm and cool on the outside she she tripped and went splat!, but I was jumping up and down and cheering on the inside. I’m not proud of that, mind you, but I can’t deny it either.

But what kept that told-ya-so mentality from bubbling up to the surface was a story a friend of mine named John shared one day. One I’d like to share with you.

A brilliant man, John. He has two PhDs, is about to get his first book published, and is currently the head of the Christian Counseling program at Liberty University. He was also the best Sunday school teacher I ever had.

John told me that one night while he was in college, he had dinner at a local restaurant with one of his psychology professors. Their waitress was a young, twenty-something lady named Anna, who seemed to have a bit of a personality problem and could have used a refresher course in customer relations.

She was rude and offensive and vulgar. She forgot up their order twice and, when she finally got it right, rewarded John and his professor by unceremoniously dropping their plates on the table with a loud thud and walking away. They nearly died of thirst because she never returned to offer more drinks. And when she finally resurfaced forty minutes later, she greeted them with a curt “Ya’ll done?”

With a “Yes, ma’am” from the professor, she scribbled their bill onto a receipt, pushed it to the middle of the table, and walked away. Two specials, two drinks, two cups of coffee—fifteen dollars and forty cents.

“I have the tip,” the professor said. He took a ten out of his wallet and placed it between the salt and pepper shakers.

John flinched. Ten dollars? This had to be a mistake. He was going to give Anna a ten dollar tip? For what? Yelling and cussing and throwing food at them? A dollar and a half would have been plenty, the accustomed 10 percent. And that was for good service. But this wise and learned man was going to give her almost ten times that?

“Excuse me, Professor,” John said. “You just sat a ten down.”

“Yes, I did,” the professor answered.

“Are you sure you want to do that?”

“Yes.”

“May I ask why?”

“Maybe,” the professor said. “Later.”

The two walked up to the cash register, paid for their meal, and left. Just as they were getting into the professor’s car, though, the door to the restaurant opened and out ran Anna. Crying.

“I’m so sorry,” she said through her tears. “I know I was awful to the two of you. I’ve just had such a bad day. My kid’s got the flu, I just found out my mother has cancer, and my husband left me two days ago. I just can’t take it anymore. And then I saw your tip just sitting there, and I…I just had to thank you. You don’t know what this means.”

The professor smiled. “It’s quite all right, Miss,” he said. “Things may look bad now, but I promise you they’ll get better. You just need a little faith.”

She nodded and smiled back, then turned around to go back inside. John stared at his professor, who watched as the doors closed around her.

“Remember this, John,” he said. “We are all working our way through our own story. We pass people by every day of our lives. We talk to them, nod and say hello, and we have no idea the sorts of struggles they are enduring or what pains they bear. We are all hurting in our own unique way. We have all been wounded by something. Never forget that.”

John hasn’t. And since the day I heard that story, I haven’t either. Because we all may share one world, but we each live in our own. One made bright or dim by our own faith or doubt, joy or despair.

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Comments

  • sharilyn

    wow. well said. it’s hard to remember such things when being on the receiving end of rudeness, poor customer service, or other such ugly behavior. but, i believe it truly is seeing with the eyes of Jesus. i am humbled.

  • nAncY

    good story.
    lovely group photo on the side bar.

  • lynnrush

    Wow.
    Thanks for sharing that. I’m convicted. But, that’s OK, I need the fine tuning once in a while, you know?

    Thanks for the post.

  • Alison Bryant

    Thanks for sharing this and for your honesty, Billy. …But I’d appreciate it if you’d quit stepping on my toes. =)
    “…we have no idea the sorts of struggles they have been enduring or what pains they bear.”
    It seems that God has been reminding me of this truth over and over again lately. Hmm…maybe he wants my compassion muscle to get more exercise.

  • Tracy

    Great message, Billy, I’m just not sure it applies to feminist fanatics! ;-) Just kidding. It’s true, we don’t know what is going on in a persons life at any given time, or know the history behind the person they’ve become.

    This reminds me of a situation I experienced not too long ago. I was driving along and got behind someone who was driving slightly under the speed limit. I chose to pass them, put my blinker on, switched lanes, passed them in a moment, put my blinker back on and when I was well past them, switched back to the other lane. As I glanced into my mirror to make sure I was giving plenty of room, I noticed the other driver gesturing wildly with… just one finger. I was shocked, but for some reason, rather than get angry I just started praying for them. The response was so completey out of whack for the situation, I just knew something was going on inside of that person. And you know what? I actually felt better for praying for them, than I would have by getting angry. Thanks for sharing!

  • Andra M.

    Excellent, excellent point. As Sharilyn said, I am humbled.

  • jasonS

    What a powerful story and important reminder. Thank you!

  • sharilyn

    sorry this is so long, and i understand if you don’t post it, but your story reminded me of this country song by Sawyer Brown, “They Don’t Understand”…

    A mother riding on a city bus
    Kids are yelling kicking up a fuss
    Everybody’s staring not knowing what she’s going through
    Somebody said don’t you even care?
    Do you let ‘em do that everywhere?
    She slowly turned around, looked up and stared
    She said Please forgive them
    But they’ve been up all night
    Their father struggled but he finally lost his fight
    He went to heaven
    In the middle of the night
    So please forgive my children

    (They don’t understand)
    Everybody’s busy with their own situation
    Everybody’s lost in their own little world
    Bottled up, hurry it up trying to make a dream come true
    (They don’t understand)
    Everybody’s living like there ain’t no tomorrow
    Maybe we should stop and take a little time
    Cause you never really know what your neighbor’s going through

    A man driving on the interstate
    Slowing down traffic making everybody late
    Everybody’s staring not knowing what he’s going through
    Somebody honked from the passing lane
    Yellin’ out the window, I ain’t got all day
    The old man looked around and he caught his eye
    He said please forgive me
    You know it’s been a long life
    My wife has passed away and my kids don’t have the time
    I’ve been left all alone
    And its getting hard to drive
    So please forgive me children

    A man hanging on a wooden cross
    Giving everything to save the lost
    Everybody’s starin’ not knowin’ what he’s going through
    Somebody said you don’t have a prayer
    If you were king, come down from there
    The man just turned his head looked up and stared

    He said please forgive them
    For they have not seen the light
    They’ll come to know me when I come back to life
    Go to heaven, to make everything all right
    So please forgive your children

  • Frisbies Forever

    Don’t you just LOVE how simple acts of kindness can be an answer to others heartaches and prayers? Kindness and Sincerity go a looong way.

  • Jean

    Another beautiful story with a great message.

    Thanks,
    Jean

  • Pam at beyondjustmom

    Oh, thank you for sharing this. It’s a perfect follow up to the door-holding story. I’m so weary of hearing Christians pass judgement on others, and I know I’m guilty of doing the same. Thanks for giving us a vivid illustration of the power of compassion.

  • Tina

    beautiful story! It really blessed me today for I am one of those walking wounded. Our family is in the midst of a crisis so terrible. I hardly want to go out and about even to run errands. It’s as if I have been physically wounded, I look around and see people going about their normal lives when mine has been turned upside down. My God is faithful and is holding me close but these days are just very difficult. You just never know…

  • Chris Godfredsen

    Billy,

    Your learned friend is a wise man. I bet he didn’t really care if the waitress came out to explain herself either – he already knew of her torment and God has given him eyes to see. He’s give you those same eyes, those same ears, that same heart.

    Thanks for sharing this. The reality of this story has been a part of my world for a season, and while I might not have ever tipped 10 times what I ought to, I pray I will at the next opportunity.

    Be blessed, brother!

  • janelle

    Great lesson to look outwardly instead of inwardly.

    Do you care if I put a part of this on my facebook page under “favorite quotes?”

  • Billy Coffey

    Janelle- Please do, and thanks.

  • Rebekah

    love this. we never what is going on behind the eyes…

  • gzusfreek

    As always, great stuff, Billy! Makes me look inward and upward.

  • Lori

    Wise Words. Billy you have a way with them. The story brought tears to my eyes because I have been on both sides. I have recently been very distracted with some issues in my life and wonderful woman in the church called to ask if there was a wedge between us. I explained to her that there wasn’t. I was just busy with my own cares and obviously had neglected her in some way. She lovingly took my answer and offered to pray with me. Thank you for the reminder to think of others before ourselves. There is so much hurt in this world and it spills over whether we want it to or not.
    Keep Up the God Work,
    Lori

  • Annie

    Loved the moral of the story…I too have helped people who have been less than gracious. And, in doing so I have learned two things…what goes around comes around and kill them with kindness. Although I would rather resuscitate them with kindness :) I also pray that the kindness I spread will come around and soften those who are hard hearted.

  • Lukewarm

    Great post. Touched my heart to the core. Thank you for sharing.

  • Christ’s Ambassador

    Thanks for sharing this story which took me back about fifteen years ago. I was lodged in a hotel where a restaurant waiter served me with a broken plate. I did not behave as honourably as the Professor. I am ashamed now of what I did. I whoud have applied more understanding and intuition to know that such people are only asking for love and understanding, the only way they know how. Thanks, again.