Billy Coffey
Billy Coffey

Hugging Purpose

February 1, 2009  

(This piece was first published as a column in the Staunton, Virginia News Leader)

My daughter wants to be a writer. Also a Sunday School teacher, a regular teacher, an artist, and a geologist. The latter come and go depending upon the whims of her six-year-old mind. The former, though, has been a constant in her young life. One she has become more passionate about in the last couple of years.

I asked her one morning what exactly she wanted to be a writer of. Fiction? Nonfiction? Poetry? Would she write books or newspaper articles? Would they be secular or religious? The possibilities are many, I told her. Best to narrow things down a bit, even this early in the game.

She shrugged her answer and munched another bite of Cheerios. “Books, I guess,” she said.

“What kind of books?”

“Books for diabetic kids.”

I raised an eyebrow. My daughter continued munching. Then, feeling as though further clarification was needed, said, “God wants me to write books to help kids with diabetes. He told me.”

“He did?”

“Yes.”

“When?”

“Well,” she explained, “He didn’t tell me tell me. But why else would He have let me get diabetes if He didn’t want me to help kids who had diabetes?”

I managed a weak nod. Such is the faith of children, faith that sees clearly what adulthood often fogs.

My daughter was diagnosed with Type-1 diabetes two years ago. Up until that time, I had never truly doubted God. Doubted myself? Yes. Humanity as a whole? Absolutely. But never God. Because He had always been there, always kept things right in my life, and always protected my family.

But when you’re sitting at the end of a hospital bed watching your sick child struggle to find sleep against the beeps of machines and the IV tubes running into her tiny body, you doubt God. You doubt Him a lot.

You wonder how He could allow such a thing to happen to someone so undeserving. How any sort of purpose or meaning could possibly be found in this happening. And you wonder if maybe, just maybe, all those people who say God is figment of our primeval imagination are right. Because if there was a God and if that God really loved us, then he wouldn’t let children suffer like this.

That’s what you think. What I thought, anyway. And though I still went to church and read my Bible and prayed, those thoughts just wouldn’t go away.

The faith that I held in God, faith that had been built and stripped and built better over thirty-six years, was crumbling. But my daughter’s faith, all two years of it, was growing stronger. The anger I held toward God paled in comparison to the love she continued to show towards Him. At nights when I would lie motionless in bed, praying but not, I could still hear her in the next room speaking to God as if He were sitting attentively on the edge of her bed.

“Bless Mommy and Daddy and thanks for the macaroni and cheese,” she would say. Thanks and thanks and more thanks. Never asking, never wanting, because in her mind she had all she needed, diabetes or not.

I pushed God away. She hugged Him closer.

We all have a why in life. Why did this happen? Why does it have to be this way? We all have questions we want answered. It’s just that some want to know because they want an excuse, and others want to know so they can do something. I wanted reasons. She wanted purpose. I suppose that’s why I never got my answer, but she did.

God wants her to write. He wants her to give Him the bad things that have happened and watch as He turns them to good. He doesn’t want her to give up, doesn’t want her to doubt. He wants her to help. Because in the end, that’s why she’s here. Why we’re all here.

To help.

I have no doubt she will do just that. And I have no doubt about this, too: I give my every day to teach my daughter something about this life. But she teaches me more.

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Filed under: doubt, faith, living, purpose, trials
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Comments

  • sharilyn

    and so, this is what you learned today… it is amazing and humbling to hear of such faith as your daughter’s. i’m sure that is what Jesus was trying to tell us regarding having the faith of a child…that and so many other things. what a blessing is your daughter! and what an inspiration. thanks for sharing her with us, billy.

  • sharilyn

    ps. wow! your follower list is growing by leaps and bounds all of a sudden! it’s wonderful to see how God uses your words and experiences to draw others closer to His side. keep on writing, billy!

  • lynnrush

    WOW!
    Children have such wisdom, don’t they?

    I mean to just say, “Well, why else would He give me Diabetes?”

    I mean, that floored me. Seriously, I sat here at my kitchen table, mouth ajar, blinking my eyes…did I read that right?

    Did she really say that?

    Wow, Billy. That’s all I can manage right now.

  • Frank Jenkins

    It’s very cool how kids see the world so much easier than we do at times.

    As a 16 year possessor of type 2 diabetes, I can understand her passion. She just wants to help people feel better.

  • Billy Coffey

    Sharilyn- Yes, my follower list has been growing a little lately, hasn’t it? Thanks to all you good people out there.

    Lynn- she did indeed say that. And I, too, sat at the kitchen table floored with my mouth open.

    She says she wants to grow up to be me. I want to grow up to be her.

  • Sockrma18

    Your daughter is awesome…she will be a great writer just like her dad.

    I love her faith and her understanding….wish I was a little better at both. You and your wife have done a great job raising a very smart little girl. God will turn her situation into something good for His glory. Can’t ask for anything more than that.

    God bless your family….and that very special little girl of yours!

  • Tracy

    Wow, Billy, what a post! Thank you for sharing this. We can learn so much from children, if we’ll just let ourselves. Your daughter seems wise beyond her years. What a pure and innocent expression of faith. Thank you for your honesty too – the why’s are so very difficult and confusing.

    My ‘why’ was the miscarriage we had after trying so long to conceive. For two weeks there were problems and we prayed harder, longer and stronger than ever before, but still lost the baby. The grief was deep and I was very angry with God for allowing it. And I was angry with my body for what felt like a rejection of the life that was within me. I had to learn to forgive myself and God before I could move on. I know I won’t have an answer to why this side of heaven, but nonetheless I still trust him. And now we do have a beautiful baby girl.

    Thanks again for sharing this amazing testimony with us. Blessings!

  • Lori

    Keep up the God work, Billy. I appreciate your comments and your honest blogs. So I have tagged you with the friendship and honesty awards. Check out my site for instructions.
    Have a great day.
    Lori
    http://www.lifeloveandlaughterinalargefamily.blogspot.com

  • nAncY

    thanks for sharing this.
    sharilyn said it all.

  • janelle

    A reminder that even though we are responsible for the care and upbrining of the children God blesses us with, on a spiritual level, we are no greater than they are and we can sure stand to learn a few things from them.

    I love it when my 11 year old son prays: very thoughtful and thankful. And then suddenly he’s finished. No flowery extra words to let God know he’s nearing the end or to finish it off with some sort of flair. Just finished-no games.

  • jasonS

    Another great post- thanks for sharing it.

  • Travis

    There is something truly humbling about a child who is suffering from some element, but is doing it with such grace that we (parents) feel conviction about their simplicity.

    All too often, I have to watch as my daughter writhes in pain from her afflictions, and it is never easy to watch. Perhaps her most remarkable moment was when we took her to the ER a few weeks ago when her pain refused to abate. After sitting in the ER for multiple hours, my wife remarked that she was tired. My daughter, through a fog of medication, told my wife, “I’ll get up and you can lay down in my bed if you want, Mommy.” She never thought of herself or her suffering. She was completely focused on how everyone else in the room was. It’s remarkable how simple a child’s faith is. Simple and convicting.

    Great post.

  • Andra M.

    That’s it! No more reading your entries while I’m at work.

    Blubbering at my desk is a tish unprofessional *sniffle*.

  • God’s Not Finished With Us Yet…

    This story is very touching and accurate at the same time. So often kids see the faith while adults tend to overlook it. Your daughter, bless her soul, is an inspiration at the ripe age of 6. She may not know it by all of us who read this story but she is. Her small life is a testimony not just from her Diabetes but her attitude that comes with it. Something we should all learn from!!

    PS-Thank you for the wonderful comment you left on my site earlier. I appreciate your thoughts.

  • Jean

    Thank you, Billie, for sharing your journey with us. It makes the climb easier when we share the load with others.

    Grace & Peace,
    Jean

  • hope42day

    Beautiful… I especially liked your comment that your daughter wants to be like you and you want to be like her. I do believe parents are blessed with children to remind us how strong God’s love really is.

  • gzusfreek

    Profound! BC, you have a gift at telling stories, as well as the gift of a great 6 year old! They are so amazing! “Child-like faith . . .
    That’s what He wants us to have!

    God bless you and your beautiful family!
    Thank you for sharing!

  • Sherri Watt

    Billy,

    You are such a great writer! I always enjoy reading what you write. Isn’t the things that come from our children amazing at times.

    God Bless

  • Scott McQueen

    I have always thought that the children seem a bit closer to God. Seems that many of us grow away as we grow up. Maybe that is why I so enjoy working with kids, especially the sick and injured; it hurts so good.

    You have an angel there! She is so fortunate to have a father like you to help cultivate her growth; she is in good soil with you!

    God Bless you and your family! and thanks Billy!

  • RissaRoo

    Beautiful! You were looking for reasons, she was looking for purpose. That’s what really stuck with me. Give that sweet little girl of yours a big hug, and thank you for this wonderful post!

  • Christ’s Ambassador

    Mind blowing. Its so refreshing to stay among children and learn from their demonstration of faith. I have been learning from children and I even have a testimony like that on my blog. Your kid is blessed and you are too.
    I am just surprised that at six she already knew what she wanted to write about, and that, through her pains.
    Could I use this on my blog sometime?

  • Billy Coffey

    Christ’s Ambassador – my pleasure.

  • asma

    wow i can’t belive that i read those words from your daughter.I AM REALLY THRILLED.

    THANKS FOR SHARING US