Billy Coffey
Billy Coffey

A Good Day…

March 1, 2009  

The tuck-in is a crucial part of every parent’s nightly routine, a delicate process by which clingy and energetic children must be persuaded that the absolute best thing in the world to do is go to sleep by themselves. If you get it just right, a night’s peace just may be in order. Screw up even the tiniest detail, however, and you can forget sleep. For the both of you.

The rituals differ for my two children in detail, though the overall process is pretty much the same: prayers, story, small talk, covers, kiss, goodnight. Not much to it on the surface maybe, but still harder than it looks. Repetition is key.

My son likes to recount his day just before bed. It’s as if he needs some sort of confirmation that everything he did and said and thought was worthy of my attention and comment (which is, by the way). A few nights ago, the normal exploits of eating breakfast, exploring his grandparents’ yard, going to preschool, and taking a nap seemed particularly stimulating, told to me with much body language and laughter.

“Sounds like you had a good day then,” I told him.

“I did?” he asked.

“Sure,” I said. Then, “Didn’t you?”

“I don’t know.” He wrinkled his forehead and thought about it. “Maybe. I’m not sure. What makes a good day?”

I opened my mouth to answer, but only a breath came out. What makes a good day? What kind of a question was that?

“I’ll have to get back with you on that one, Buddy,” I finally said.

“Okay, Daddy. Night and love you.”

“Night and love you, too,” I said.

Though my son’s night was flawless and complete, mine wasn’t. I couldn’t get his question out of my head because it seemed the perfect sort of question to ponder upon for a while—simple, broad, and meaningful.

What’s a good day? As much as I thought about it, I couldn’t come up with an answer. Which was a little troubling. I prayed every morning for God to give me a good day, I’d tell my family after work that I had a good day, and I’d thank God every night for giving me a good day.

But I was beginning to realize that I didn’t really know what I was praying for, what sort of answer I was giving to my family, and what exactly I was thanking God for giving me.

Strange, huh?

So I thought I’d conduct a little experiment. I’d take the next couple of days and write down everything that happened. Then, at the end of the night, I’d take a look at my list, ask myself if it was a good day or not, and try to figure out why.

Day one was a Sunday. My list: Church, lunch (cheeseburgers!), a visit to my parents, a walk around the neighborhood, coloring with the kids, ballgame, bed. Not bad.

But good? Surprisingly, no. My day, I found, wasn’t really good or bad. Just…okay.

Then, day two. Monday. My list: get up at oh-dark-thirty, go to work, find a missing package for a student, listen to someone talk about her mother’s failing health, rush across town on an important errand for someone else, come home, collapse on the couch, hold my daughter because she’s sick, tuck the kids in, go to bed.

It sounded like a long, hard, stressful day. And maybe it was. But it was also a good day no matter how it sounded, and I didn’t know why.

How could a busy Monday be better than a lazy Sunday?

But maybe not. Sunday was a Me day, really. I did what I wanted and when. Monday? Monday seemed more about helping people, whether that help be as big as driving across town for someone else or as small as listening to a troubled friend. Maybe that was all the difference.

What makes a good day? I know the answer now. And when my son gets up in the morning, I’ll tell him.

Because what makes a good day isn’t what happens to you, but because of you.

p.s.- I’ve had the pleasure of having more than a few good days lately, though the reasons perhaps had little to do with me. I’ve received a lot of emails about the missing comments, and all were humbly appreciated.

One in particular came from a reader who confessed to being on the fence when it comes to God. My blog, she said, has helped to strengthen her fragile faith. Not necessarily my posts, though. It was the comments that you all so kindly contribute. I never paused to consider the fact that people enjoyed the comments just as much as the content, and in many cases even more so. After reading that, I felt pretty selfish. Yet another reminder that it ain’t all about me.

So to her and to you all: please, comment away…

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Filed under: living, parenting
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Comments

  • Travis

    I’m glad things are back to normal!

    Strange thing: The word verification for me is tobilly.

    Interesting.

  • jasonS

    Now I feel some pressure! :)

    Great post and I think you’re absolutely right. When we can spend our day engaged in what God created us to do, it’s a good day. I always say that inherently it’s a good day because God is good and He made it, but it’s the circumstances for us usually that make us decide good or bad.

    I love your experiment. Again,it shows it’s all about loving, helping, and caring. It also sounds like you have great kids like me.

  • nAncY

    here is part of an email i received yesterday from a relative, about my aunt and cousin.
    i took out the names.

    “I am sorry to let you know some sad family news via email, but (aunt m.) called me this morning to say that her daughter (S.) passed away this morning. She suffered a brain aneurysm last night and was on life support until 11:15 a.m. today.”

    here is another email between my aunt and i, that i received this morning:

    “i am so sorry to hear about s.
    my thoughts are with you all.

    love
    nancy

    ————————-
    thank you so much. I can tell this is not going to be a very good day.

    Love you, M “

    then…read your post.
    i can see why aunt m. says this is not such a good day. she is such a positive person, i was just wowed how she did not say that it was a bad day…rather, not a very good day. amazing.

    there is more to the story. she and her son have been on dialysis for years. quite a struggle.

    and yet, she sends out jokes to people by email, remembers everyones birthday…etc.

    anyway…
    as far as comments go. i think that God is all about reaching out and communication. the give and take of people and the sharing seems to be a very important part of life.

  • lynnrush

    WOW: “Because what makes a good day isn’t what happens to you, but because of you.”

    Never thought of it that way. I’ve always thought a good day was how it WENT, not that I was a part of it. Interesting!!

    Great post!

  • sharilyn

    hooray, the comment section is back!! :) i missed it!…

    as i was leaving this post (w/o commenting, actually), my eye caught the following:
    “My son likes to recount his day just before bed. It’s as if he needs some sort of confirmation that everything he did and said and thought was worthy of my attention and comment (which is, by the way).”

    and, it struck me, that this is kind of how i feel with my heavenly Father… that i’m seeking some sort of confirmation that what i did and said this day was worthy of His attention and comment. and your parenthetical said it all for how He views and loves us– it is. I am. I, in all my minutia, am important to Him.

    and, for this, I am grateful beyond measure! I need to remember to let my Daddy tuck me in at night….

    and, Travis, that wv is wonderful!!

  • Andra M.

    I’m much like the reader you mentioned at the end. Much can be learned from the comments people leave as much as the entry itself. Thank you for turning them back on.

    Now I’m off to ponder what constitutes a good day . . .

  • Annie

    I have been thinking about your post since I read it. It has especially been thought provoking when I hear the answer ‘good’ to the question ‘How are you?’ I am guilty as well of just saying something as a response. I then wonder how good am I feeling? Raises some questions that have tickled my brain and not let go…

  • Lorrie

    Great post! I believe I’ll do a bit of pondering too :-)