Billy Coffey
Billy Coffey

The Grace of Remembering

March 5, 2009  

It’s called propranolol. A mouthful, to be sure. The reason why so many medicines have require long, unpronounceable names has always eluded me. I once asked my doctor why such a thing was necessary. He said nothing and looked at me like I was stupid. I don’t think he knew why, either.

Propranolol is a beta blocker, used for everything from cardiac arrhythmias to high blood pressure to controlling migraines in children. A wonder drug with fantastic benefits.

A recent study by Dutch scientists has revealed another fantastic benefit, one that has led to a lot of thinking on my part.

Propranolol, it seems, also dulls memory. Dulls it to the point where these same scientists are boldly predicting a time in the very near future when we could rid our minds of bad memories all together.

Sounds wonderful, doesn’t it? To get rid of all those nasty reminders of the bad moments in our lives. It certainly sounds wonderful to me. Much of my daily life is still lived in the past, whether knowingly or not. It’s fingers still grip me. Loosely perhaps, but enough that I still feel them. Feel them in my decisions and reactions and worries.

And I’m sure I’m not alone. I dare say that I’m not the only one who carries around a little excess baggage. So why not lighten that load a little? Why not forget?

I can certainly see the value in such a therapy being used to treat those suffering from some form of post traumatic stress: victims of abuse or soldiers returning from war come to mind. These people are particularly prone to the agonies of bearing what may well be an unbearable weight. Such memories can lead not only to depression and psychosis, but even death.

But what about the rest of us? The ones who are plagued not by horrendous moments, but horrendous decisions? Are our bad memories made less so because they are not as powerful? Because they foster more guilt and regret than terror and numbness?

I’m not so sure.

We are largely the product of our experience, the end result of the countless choices and innumerable decisions. Many of those choices and decisions were good. Many were bad. But both worked together in an intricate and holy dance that has culminated in bringing us to both here and now.

But what if that dance were interrupted? Would we truly be made whole if those bad memories were taken from us, or would we somehow become less than we should?

Would the lessons we’ve learned from our mistakes be dulled along with the memories? And so would we then be doomed to repeat them?

Is there value in the things that haunt us?

That’s the question. One worth pondering, too.

We don’t mind accepting that the good in our lives was ordained by God. I’ve never doubted that my wife, my children, and my job are gifts from heaven. They provide my life with a healthy dose of meaning. They have purpose.

But if the good God has given us is endowed with meaning and purpose, then shouldn’t also the bad? And can we, with our limited vision and understanding, really label something as “good” or “bad” in the first place? How can we know for sure until the end result of our lives is played out and our story is done?

The blessings of my wife and children and job were born of horrible memories of the person I once was. It is because of those bad memories that I realize, finally, how blessed I am now. I love these things not because of the goodness I enjoy now, but because of the bad I suffered through then. Because the bad taught me what mattered. Would I give those memories back? No. Because I think the grace that has been given to me would be lessened in the forgetting. Because forgetting the pain of who I was then would dull the joy in Whose I am now.

We are all scarred by life. No one leaves this world as perfect as we entered it. But it is those very scars that shame us that make us all the more beautiful in God’s eyes. Rather than hide them, He beckons us to give them to Him.

Better than forgetting our memories is surrendering them. Better than pushing them down is lifting them up.

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Filed under: Peace, failure, trials
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Comments

  • Tracy

    Thank you, Billy, for sharing another amazing post. Our experiences, both good and bad, help to form us, and we have the choice to allow this to make us into better people, or to stay the same. I particularly liked this…

    ~ The blessings of my wife and children and job were born of horrible memories of the person I once was. It is because of those bad memories that I realize, finally, how blessed I am now. I love these things not because of the goodness I enjoy now, but because of the bad I suffered through then. Because the bad taught me what mattered. Would I give those memories back? No. Because I think the grace that has been given to me would be lessened in the forgetting. Because forgetting the pain of who I was then would dull the joy in Whose I am now. ~

    Again, thank you for sharing. Blessings!

  • sharilyn

    well said, billy. and very true.

  • Travis

    The thought of ‘would we repeat our past’ if we forgot what we’ve done is very haunting.

    Not to make light of this post, but it reminds me of that Star Trek movie where Spock’s brother was trying to remove the pain from Captain Kirk’s life, and offer he refused. I always wondered about that, and now I understand it a little better.

    Oh, that medicine does affect your memory. It’s not as much fun as it sounds…

  • Frisbies Forever

    Our world is so bent on making things perfect when really we should be focusing on personal growth, not designer babies, or how to rid the world of all bad. The world is filled with bad and it was meant to be so. We have the freedoms to make choices. That is why there is so much good as well. Our loving Father has the ability to take every experience and use it for our good. EVERY experience. I know this to be true. If we could all just sit back and see with purer eyes and trust and know Him…Serve Him with a greater diligence…We wouldn’t even need to test things like this. I know I am forever grateful for the things I have walked through for I am a stronger and more compassionate person now. I wouldn’t have developed empathy and those lessons couldn’t have been delivered so perfectly without my memories. I love your blog!

  • Sherri Watt

    Great post Billy!

    Coming from a background that was difficult I still would not erase my memories. The healing and peace that I have been given would not be nearly as important without them. Also, I work with those that are hurting mostly women that were sexually abused as a child. Its not just the memories that plague them. Its the lies that were instilled by the past. Example, when you are told all growing up you are worthless, you begin to believe you are worthless. If you had no memory to go back to, how would you figure out what made you believe the lie and then find the real truth that God would give you.

    Love you insight!

  • TUC

    “Is there value in the things that haunt us?”

    Oh yes, no doubt a couple books worth ;-)

  • Annie

    I am currently reading a book by Ted Dekker called ‘Kiss’. In it, a woman steals memories through touch or a kiss. An eerie story at best, but also fascinating. As for taking a pill to rid myself of the ‘bad’ memories…NO WAY!! Those decisions, memories, etc have made me who I am today. Those lessons have taught me to live life day to day, learning from the past and moving on, and not dwelling on regret for what happened or what could have been. It is in the past and there is nothing I can do to change it. However, I can make a positive difference in today. The future I leave in God’s hands. And, with forgiveness, love and hope regrets turn into peace, joy and total giving in to God. In that way, every thing that occurs in my life, good or bad, helps me discover the blessings inside. I am far from being perfect, but with faith I can become closer to the image God made.
    God Bless…

  • Billy Coffey

    Annie – well said. My thoughts exactly.

    TUC – Someone once told me that nothing bad can happen to a writer, that even the worst things can be grist for the mill, so to speak. That’s a pretty big statement to make, but one that just might be true…

  • Tasha

    Isn’t a strange world in which we live when people want to take our memories?

  • gzusfreek

    I heard this said this weekend:
    “No matter how bad yesterday was, I could not have today with out my yesterdays.”
    I would not be on the road I’m on had I not taken the freeway of pain to get here. :)

  • Sockrma18

    And I believe, with ALL MY HEART, that God uses those events for our good, for His glory and we are sometimes lucky enough to witness others accepting Him by sharing our testimony. Can’t mess with that!

    Great post, Billy. And I’m glad your comments are back “on”. :0)

  • Joelle

    Reminds me of an excellent young adult book, The Giver, by Lois Lowry. Faces the questions you raised with a vivid picture of life if we didn’t have memory, emotion, contrasts of good and bad. We are formed by it all, and to diminish that would make us one dimensional, flat.

  • Anne L.B.

    “But if the good God has given us is endowed with meaning and purpose, then shouldn’t also the bad? And can we, with our limited vision and understanding, really label something as “good” or “bad” in the first place? How can we know for sure until the end result of our lives is played out and our story is done?”

    More easily said than lived?

    Take comfort in these wise words when you hold Molly in the wee hours. Take comfort in them in moments when the past rises up in your face. Take comfort when you face an uncertain future because you’re walking with the One who inspired you to write this.

  • deb

    strength comes from this serving of those we love and cherish. In the awareness of what memories you give to them, we slowly quiet ours and find the grace

    thanks for your honesty