Billy Coffey
Billy Coffey

I Was Here

April 19, 2009  

My wife spun the computer back around and said, “I couldn’t do what you do. I’d just give up.”

I had to admit giving up would make a few things easier, at least for the short term. But we both knew I wouldn’t. Couldn’t, even. So I said nothing and instead looked down at the email I had just received.

Pass, bu tGod bless, it said.

It wasn’t the first rejection letter from a literary agent I’d ever gotten. And it wasn’t the shortest (No thanks has won that honor, at least for the moment). It wasn’t even the first with a typo.

It was, however, the quickest. I had just sent the query letter to her five minutes earlier, along with a short prayer and what I thought would be a long wait ahead of me. I had to give credit where credit was due. That lady was prompt.

My wife knew that marrying someone who wanted to be a writer wouldn’t be all cotton candy and rainbows. Because at its core, a writer’s life is a life of emotions. Not just the good ones, either. I was told early on that the most courageous thing people can do is spill out their insides onto paper for the whole world to read. That’s not quite true. It takes even more courage to send those papers to people who may well answer by saying that maybe you should dream another dream.

In my inbox that night was another email, this one from my wife. “Listen to this,” she wrote, “because it’s about all of us.” The link was to Lady Antebellum’s “I Was Here.”

It’s my favorite song now.

I’d just give up, my wife had said. But I didn’t think so.

As a teacher, there have been plenty of nights we’ve spent apart, though only separated by mere feet. Nights spent with her reading and grading and planning and calling, counseling both parent and child, managing to juggle committees and fundraisers and meetings without snapping under the stress.

“I couldn’t do what you do,” I’ve told her many times. “I’d just give up.”

But she doesn’t. And I don’t. And, I suspect, neither do you.

There are a lot of writers who bless me by their presence here on my blog. Some are published. Others, like me, aren’t quite there yet.

There are mothers and fathers here, too. Fellow residents of Blogtown with blogs of their own.

Pastors. And college students.

And also, I’m proud to say, a lot of military folk.

I spend about two hours a day reading blogs and emails, about two more writing, and another trying to find that one agent or publisher who will not say Pass, bu tGod bless. And I’m not alone.

I’m sure all of the other writers here do the same. I’m sure all the fathers and mothers spend an equal amount of time washing dishes and cutting grass and trying to raise good children in a bad world.

I’m sure the pastors spend that much time caring for their flock and working on their next sermon, and I’m sure the college students spend that much time studying and planning their lives.

And I don’t have to ask what the soldiers here do every day. We all know.

All of us at some point have run into a wall, faced reality, and said, “I can’t do this anymore. I’d rather give up.” And we might for a while. But it’s never for long and it’s never for good.

There is an inherent need for us to stand above the masses, to embrace both our mortality and our uniqueness by resolving to leave our mark upon our world and make a difference. To matter.

We know that we walk through this life but once, never to come this way again. We don’t want to be forgotten. We want someone, whether our children or our friends, our church or our country, to know that we were here.

We know that life is a precious gift that too many waste, and we refuse to be counted among them. And most of all, we know that our lives, however small, are nonetheless infused with holy intent. More than wanting us here, God needs us here.

And we’re to discover why and for what.

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Filed under: faith, hope, living, purpose
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Comments

  • Annie

    The biggest reason not to give up:
    Jesus Christ never has on us.
    With Him in your corner, there will eventually be triumph and a publisher.
    Never stop believing in your dream, it will become reality. Never stop doubting, you will get published. Never, never, ever give up for that is when the tide will turn in your favor.
    I have never stopped believing…I have never doubted…the words from your heart, you put on paper are too inspiring to be ignored.
    Imagine the day when you open that acceptance letter, you probably won’t believe it!
    Stay optimistic, keep writing-you are being heard, you are making a difference and you are leaving life changing heart prints.
    I continue to keep you in my prayers so that your words may touch so many other lives…
    I know it will happen.

  • Amy

    Billy,
    Oh…my friend! Please do not ever give up on your dream to publish your book. You are TRULY a gifted writer. I mean that sincerely!!

    Unfortunately, many publishers and editors do not see true talent. Keep sending your manuscript to them. Landing a publisher is seriously like winning the lottery. Yet, it IS possible.

    I will keep you and the potential of getting your book published in my prayers. I really will.

    Blessings,
    ~Amy :)
    Walking In The Spirit

  • Steph

    Your words are hope for me and all others. Sometimes it would be so easy to give up because things are not going our way – that’s what the world would say, Give Up! But our God says, In this world you will have trouble, but take heart, I have overcome the world! Hope! Keep hoping and you will be in my prayers!

  • Beth in NC

    Hi Billy. I’m sorry to hear about your letter … well, whatever you want to call it. God has given you such a gift. I have to believe that a door will open for you at just the right time.

    Definitely don’t give up.

  • Beth E.

    God’s timing is perfect. Hang in there, Billy. HE’S got a plan! :o )

  • Tammy

    Your post spoke volumes to me.

    The desire has been placed in your heart,its a gift from God.But it’s just like Satan to put thoughts of doubt in your mind to make you give up.It his most famous trick.

    I love your writing,your words and your thoughts. Keep sending out to those publishers because the right one is just around the corner.

  • Warren Baldwin

    Billy,
    One of my rejection letters said (and I paraphrase), “Even if you don’t ever get your book published, if you can write good bulletin articles that people read, be proud of your writing.” That was good advice. But, like you, I’m not content with that advice! Press on, you’ll get it published.

  • Anonymous

    One of your best, Billy! Keep up the good work, God has a plan and you are definitely touching people with every blog you write. Thanks.

  • twofinches

    Oh Billy
    I ache with you. I have two levels to relate to what you wrote. One as a writer with hopes of solo publications and two as a Christ follower who desires one thing. I once dreamed that these words were on my tombstone “She lived a life that mattered”. The lines near the end of your post echo this as well
    “We know that life is a precious gift that too many waste, and we refuse to be counted among them. And most of all, we know that our lives, however small, are nonetheless infused with holy intent”

    I think what has held me back in my writing has been fear of those short, curt letters of rejection. The only things I have had published have been by commision or request (no risk there!)

    I’ll pray for you and you pray for me that the gift of wrapping words around Gods heart will not be one we fail to live up to because of fear or fatigue! I also spend at least two hours a day writing and another two reading /responindg to fellow blogs.It is bone fide work!

    I love the way you pointed out that we can do what we do because we are called to it…doesn’t mean we don’t grow weary but it does mean that we don’t have the right to stop.

    Your blog blesses and inspires me!

  • His grace is sufficient.

    Love the song. I am sure that one day you will get published. I love what I have read on your blog thus far. God has given you this talent for a reason. I can’t believe that someone sent you a rejection so quickly though. Doesn’t even seem like they would have time to read anything does it?

    Keep on trying!!!

  • Joanne Sher

    Billy, thank you so much for your honesty and your willingness to share your journey with us. Keep your focus, and know you won’t give up. I’m on that journey with you, my friend. (and now I love that song too, by the way)

  • Amy

    If I could find a job as a puppy snuggler, I would totally give up on that whole washing dishes/doing laundry gig. Sure, both matter….but one is alot more fun.

    When you get published, I better get a signed copy. :-P

  • katdish

    “What you really have to do, if you want to be creative, is to unlearn all the teasing and censoring that you’ve experienced throughout your life. If you are truly a creative person, you know that feeling insecure and lonely is par for the course. You can’t have it both ways: You can’t be creative and conform, too. You have to recognize that what makes you different also makes you creative.”

    - Arno Penzias, 1978 Nobel Prize winner for physics

    I recently started using Google Analytics to track how people are finding my blog. One of the things I have found (that I have long suspected) is that many people use my blog as a “home base” or sorts to find other blogs they deem worth reading. I take that as I huge compliment. I also happen to think that I have the ability to recognize what will become a popular before it becomes popular. I know that sounds rather arrogant, but I’m not trying to be. I just happen to think I know good writing when I read it.

    Your writing is refreshing, encouraging and unique. I am of the opinion that it is BECAUSE of its uniqueness that publishers have not responded positively to your writing. For the most part, they want to publish what has a proven track record. This is not unique to books. Just look at any popular television program, musical artist, or clothing designer and see how many copycats follow suit. But there are mavericks out there willing to take a chance on an unknown author.

    You have to stay true to what you know is right for you. I have no doubt that it will pay off in spades.

    I am a huge fan of Stephen King. Not because I enjoy horror stories per sea, but because he is an incredibly gifted storyteller, as are you. There will never be another Stephen King, and there will never be another Billy Coffey.

    Don’t conform. Don’t give up. Don’t you dare!

  • Julie Gillies

    When God first led me on this crazy writing journey, Billy, I dealt with several rejections over the first few months, and then took them to the Lord in prayer.

    “I’m only doing this because YOU told me to, God.”

    Deep sigh.

    “I’d much rather just be a mom and a grammy and bake with my daughter and visit with my girlfriends, but YOU told me to do this. And it’s HARD work. It’s too much work to get rejection after rejection. I need you to assure me that writing is YOUR will.”

    My husband and I then prayed together and that very day God told me “Don’t grow weary in well doing.” Period.

    So I kept with it, kept attending writer’s conferences, read books on writing, started a critique group, and soon I had my first acceptance. Then another. Then another.

    A friend reminded me that scripture tells us our gift will make room for us. But in the end, I believe it boils down to TRUSTING God and OBEYING what HE tells us to do. Period.

    You hang in there, dude. You have a gift and you WILL hear “Yes” soon. I’m absolutely certain of it.

  • RCUBEs

    Everything happens in His perfect time. I pray He will open that great door of opportunity to expose your amazing talent!Keep writing bro. Billy. Until you hear someone says, “this is just too awesome! God bless.”

  • jasonS

    Thanks for the honesty. I’ve definitely felt that way before. I even tried to give up, but like you said, didn’t last long. It’s hard to trust God that he knows why he put a passion inside us and to that passion become everything He wants for it, to impact others.

    Many people do somehow figure out how to abandon some things and give up, but I suspedt there is at least a part of them great or small that is never fully fulfilled and that’s not God’s best.

    I was thinking about this just the other night, about mattering and making a difference. I don’t know what the future holds for you or how long you’ll have to wait, but I do know you’re impacting me now. SO thanks!

  • Wendy

    I just found your blog and I have to say, “Wow.” I’m so sorry that you got a no. The fear of the “no” has been keeping me from pursuing writing children’s books, but I’m working on it. After reading some of your blog, I think it’s just a matter of timing for you. God’s timing, not ours. God has clearly given you a gift! I hope that you continue to share that gift, because it truly is a blessing to others. God’s plan may not be clear to you right now, but it’s definitely in place. I’m looking forward to reading more of your work!

  • Candace Jean July 16

    I so enjoy reading what you write – I’m certainly not in a position to accept your manuscript, but if I were a literary agent rather than just a random person, I certainly would! You know that in God’s time, your dreams will be fulfilled, though the wait is so painful sometimes. And while you wait, know what a blessing you are to so many of us! KEEP WRITING!! I will keep praying for you, knowing His answer will be “yes,” “no,” or “not yet.”

  • LisaShaw

    I’m reading a book now by Joyce Meyer titled Never Give Up.

    We have to press on because the Lord has placed within us everything that we need to do whatever it is that He has ordained us to do. I know without a doubt the door(s) will open continuosly to you in ways that you won’t even imagine moving forward and in ways that have never before.

    Your words here really blessed me:

    “And most of all, we know that our lives, however small, are nonetheless infused with holy intent. More than wanting us here, God needs us here. And we’re to discover why and for what.”

    God bless and keep your heart and that of your family. Keep writing…

  • Marsha

    Holy intent…Yes! Oh that we each would follow (or find) that purpose. We’ve each been uniquely designed for a purpose.

    One day, Billy, in His time, there will be an email from a query that says “Well done. We want more.”

    In the meantime, continue to bless those of us who pass by and sit a spell. Some of us with our own dreams and aspirations, some just wanting to share what the Lord is doing in the dailies. But we all desire to hear the One who truly counts to say one day, “Well done, good and faithful servant.”

    Press on, brother, press on.

  • elaine @ peace for the journey

    I love your thoughts here, Billy. As a writer, I can easily relate to your feelings of rejection, passes, all too frequent, “thanks but no thanks.” It’s been a difficult journey from the pen to paper to proposals to rejections and then, back to the pen again. Honestly, I’ve had some days of wanting to put it aside.

    But then the words begin their stir within my soul, and I am compelled to respond.

    Who knows the twists and turns of how this “thing” is going to flesh itself out?! I’ve long since given up trying to see the end at the beginning. But this I do know…I don’t regret the writing; it’s part of who I am, and my prayer is that God will use it to his glory as only He can.

    Blessings and peace to you this week as you continue to write and to ponder the words of your heart.

    ~elaine

  • Jennifer

    What you do matters.

    Even more, who you are matters.

    Hang in there, my friend. It’s coming …

  • Billy Coffey

    I sincerely thank each and every one of you for your kind words, and I covet your prayers. Giving up, of course, really isn’t an option. In the words of that great sage, Cosmo Kramer: “I’ll just do what I do. I’ve always done what I do.”

    Seriously, though, I just wanted to make sure you all knew this wasn’t a feel-sorry-for-myself post. I didn’t mean it to be. I just wanted to share the belief that we all struggle sometimes with the temptation to give up on our dreams, however big or small they happen to be.

    So let’s make a deal, you and I. I’ll hang in there, and so will you.

  • Sarah Salter

    Billy, when I was a 25-year-old college senior, my poetry prof MADE us submit something like 20 poems to different poetry journals. She didn’t grade us on getting accepted. Just on making the submissions. I was terrified! But I didn’t have a choice.

    Out of 20 submissions, I heard back from 2 journals. Both were rejections. I framed them as a way of celebrating the fact that I’d taken the chance and lived through the rejection. :-)

  • Anonymous

    WOW! I can't believe that…I just ventured here yesterday, and I keep coming back to read more. I even emailed someone to come & read your writings…but I really LOVE what Annie said and I second that! I don't think you'll give up anyways & as frustrating as it is, you do make a mark that says "you were here" and your wife, kids and even your blog readers really know the truth!

    Gee…if you can't make it & another person I first read Elaine,
    there really is no hope for me, but
    I'll just keep on writing, rewriting or just enjoying being affirmative because you certainly have made an impact on me. You are gifted & your day will come!

    I sure love that song!

    And I will pray for your open door or window!

    Keep dreaming & sharing your writings. Someone has to open their eyes and spend some real time, moments cherishing your words, like us FANatics in the blogosphere…I know you hope for more…but so do we for you and all you other wanna be writers of a book legacy!!!

  • Mary Moss

    We know that we walk through this life but once, never to come this way again. We don’t want to be forgotten. We want someone, whether our children or our friends, our church or our country, to know that we were here

    This is just beautiful. Don’t give up! Never give up!

    Blessings

  • lynnrush

    God’s Plan. God’s Timing. God’s Will.

    I’m sorry you got that rejection. I got one mailed to me with messy handwriting across MY query (they required snail mail).

    “Not for Me”

    That’s it. Nothing else.

    I’m right there with ya, Billy. Write on, my friend. Write on.

    ;-)

  • gzusfreek

    Billy, That Mrs. Billy is some lady! :)
    As I come here, and see your comments like growing from numbers in the teens to the high twenties and thirties – I’d say: Billy Coffey was here!
    I don’t think, not for a minute, you were entertaining giving up. I read, “But we both knew I wouldn’t. Couldn’t, even.”
    So as you do your day, know each of us know you’re here and are just waiting until the whole world knows: Billy Coffey is here!
    Thank God, he’s here. Throught the Spirit, you’ve enriched my live, writing, and Faith:)

  • nAncY

    yes. everyone matters.

  • Blessed Mom of 8

    Billy,

    As a fellow writer and one who has been self published because the journey to find a publisher was long and truly not where God was leading me.

    Don’t give up – just maybe God is showing you another way to put your book into the hands of His intended readers.

    Have you looked at self-publishing? If I can help in any way please let me know.

    You are a beautiful writer, I was telling my husband about your blog last night – saying see there are husbands out there who get it too.

    Blogs like yours are for His glory Billy and AMEN to that! Praise God that He never gives up on us and wants to use you in whatever capacity we allow!

    Maybe you won’t get published the way you think or planned…it might be His way which has nothing to do with someone else getting any credit for the hours of work you have put into the book. Then when it is time – a publisher might just happen to come along ;-)

    Keep clinging to the promises He made and the heart He has given you to share the words in your heart!

    Blessings,
    Jill

  • Mid Stutsman

    How refreshing to find a male voice, explaining all that I go through as a writer!! I found you through my friend, Tracy Keck. I’m glad I did…
    many blessings, fellow writer waiting to be published!!! ;)
    In His Awesome Name,
    mid stutsman

  • Heart2Heart

    Billy,

    What an amazing post you just wrote today. I was just talking to my husband about people telling me since childhood, I should be a writer.

    I believe for now at this moment in my life, God wants me to just be his fingers, since I am working on my blog, and let Him use me to write.

    Writing for me, is pure, heavenly joy and I can tell by your elegant way with words and the English language, you are blessed with God’s talent to inspire and write.

    I too, see the need to feel like we were put on this Earth to make a difference in someone’s life big or small. You need a witness to your life.

    I heard that line in a favorite movie of mine, “Shall We Dance?” with Susan Saradon and Richard Gere. She utters this simple line about why people get married. The quote from the movie is this, “We need a witness to our lives. There’s a billion people on the planet… I mean, what does any one life really mean? But in a marriage, you’re promising to care about everything. The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things… all of it, all of the time, every day. You’re saying ‘Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it. Your life will not go un-witnessed because I will be your witness’.”

    Your blog will not go un-noticed, because your followers will notice you! You are an amazing writer and it’s only a matter of time, God’s timing in fact, when He will provide the letter or response you are searching for.

    For now, inspire us with your writing!

    Love and Hugs ~ Kat

  • Tea With Tiffany

    Tears again. I understand the call to write.

    Thank you for sharing your journey with us. I appreciate knowing you are not giving up so easily. Your words will one day land in the right hands at the right time. Until then, your job is to continue to write two hours a day. And please continue to blog. I’m loving your words.

    (Sidenote, I’ll have to tell you sometime or blog about my writing journey. I had an agent and then said “no thanks.” Not because I don’t want to write but because God wants me to walk a different path with my words right now. I’m still writing right now. Just not for income this year. It’s a refreshing turn of events. I’m writing free-er. For God, not for hire. I have a feeling someday that will change again. With God, one never can see the next turn until it comes. )

    God bless you as we all continue to follow HIS narrow path,

    Tiffany

  • Lyla Lindquist

    Not much one can add to what’s already been said here. Clearly struck a nerve with a lot of us, whether for writing or just living in a way that makes a difference. Thanks for the encouragement, and pray that reaches you as well.

  • Denise

    I, too, have hungered for a place to make my mark upon this earth. As the years quickly pass by, I have come to realize much of what I had thought was me – really, honestly, wasn’t. Instead, I became who I thought I should be.

    My written words have always been the map to my inner soul. A map God has wanted me to follow for a very long time and patiently, He waits.

    Tentatively, I make my first steps – transparency isn’t easy. Rejection is REALLY uncomfortable but I understand now that my mark will not come in the pretending but in the frank and sometimes painful honesty.

    Thank you for your words. I find comfort in knowing that I walk a similar path.

    Shalom,
    Denise

  • Seeking Grace on the Narrow Path

    Billy,
    Look at all the support you are getting from your friends. They can see you talent; you must see it also. God bless you! Each of us live out our lives with a purpose; some just never know what their purpose is. Do you know your purpose, brother? God bless you dear brother in Christ!
    Many prayers,
    Bren

  • Frisbies Forever

    YOU ARE A WRITER! You will be blessed, and I know this because you have blessed me. I don’t think you feel sorry for yourself. I feel sorry for them because they have not recognized your ultimate potential. That’s ok. We get to enjoy you longer. Don’t want you becoming all famous and we miss out on your musings.

  • Angela

    Excellent post. What helps me is knowing that God uses everything…even what seems meaningless in the eyes of many. I may never publish a book…but I honestly believe that my writing does make a difference, even if the rest of the world doesn’t see that difference, I think God will show it to me in Heaven.

  • Chris Godfredsen

    In the midst of wondering what it is that I am doing, Billy,in the midst of the struggle, a couple of things are becoming increasingly clear.

    What you do and who you are is a calling, not just a dream. It seems to me that dreams come and go, that perhaps they fade. But when God calls you into something as he has called you into what you do and has blessed you with the vision and gifts that he has, that in his time it will come to be and will be bigger and more glorious than you can even imagine.

    In reading a devotional Monday from Mark Roberts from the Laity Lodge through High Calling Blogs, a book by Max Lucado was thrown into my lap called “Cure for the Common Life.” I grabbed a copy Tuesday afternoon and am nearly through it. I would encourage you to grab it,too. Nothing in there you don’t know, but a reminder that continuing to pursue your call – “your sweet spot” – is really what this is all about!

    Grace and Peace!

  • Chatty Kelly

    Have you heard the song “Something to Say” by Matthew West? The lyrics “no one can say it like you, God is love and love speaks through you.”

    Keep writing, keep blogging, keep telling your story! You’ve got something to say!

  • B His Girl

    I scrolled through some of your blog Billy. Nice. Thanks for visiting mine. As I read about your dream my first thought was, “I’m glad I have no desire to write a book.” But I don’t love to write! When you have a passion for something, you have to just go with it. I pray God will use your gift in a greater way than you could ever imagine. B

  • Anne L.B.

    I lost track of how many comments (above) had the words “God’s timing” in them. They’re more easily heard than lived, eh?

    My favorite movie line (from Last Flight Out by Worldwide Pictures): “There’s no better place to be than in the center of God’s will—unless it’s in His presence.”

  • Anne L.B.

    I lost count of how many of these comments included the words “God’s timing.” They’re words more easily said than lived, eh?

    Favorite movie quote (from Last Flight Out, Worldwide Pictures): “There’s no better place to be than the center of God’s will—unless it’s in His presence.”

    Favorite quote not from the Bible: “It matters less what people think of me than what they think of Jesus Christ because of me.” This is the only reason I care if I leave behind a footprint to say, “I was here.”