Billy Coffey
Billy Coffey

In aisle three

April 9, 2009  

My wife and I will have been married thirteen years this August, and we dated five years prior to that.

Eighteen years is a long time to be with someone. Time enough, even, to go beyond togetherness to an almost oneness. I’m thirty-six, and I’ve lived almost a third of my life with this lady by my side. I couldn’t face a day without her. No doubt about it.

But I didn’t really start loving her until last Thursday. Seven-thirteen in the p.m., to be exact. In the third aisle of the grocery store, next to the cans of green beans, while reading the newest issue of Men’s Health.

Sounds strange, doesn’t it? That I could say such a thing about my angel, my soul mate and the mother of my children seems a little heartless. But it’s true, and I’ll tell you why:

Going to the grocery store is not a man’s idea of a great night out. Ask any of us. They’re intimidating. You walk in and there’s all this stuff. Food and drink and cleaning supplies are all arranged in some sort of satanic version of the Dewey Decimal system that can only be deciphered with a healthy dose of estrogen. Women instinctually know where everything is in a grocery store are. Aside from the beer and magazines, men do not. Grocery stores scare us in a Twilight Zonish sort of way.

And it’s even scarier with my wife.

Because a trip to the store exposes the differences between us. My wife is methodical and deliberate. I am distracted and hurried. She compares prices and clips coupons and has even been known to barter to get the cheapest price possible. I will pay three hundred dollars for a softball bat, use it for a dozen games, and then buy another. Because that’s how I roll.

Her philosophy of shopping closely parallels her philosophy of life: if you take your time and plan accordingly, you can get a lot of what you need, some of what you want, and a little extra of both. I generally take the Navy SEAL approach, whether it be in life or in shopping: hit first, hit hard, and go home.

In other words, my wife and I are opposites. Not in values, maybe. But definitely in personality. And I’ve spent much of the past eighteen years trying to rectify that by convincing her that her way of doing things wasn’t right, so she should be more like me. The logic seemed inescapable. What better way to improve a marriage?

But then we went to the grocery store together and wheeled our shopping cart into the third aisle, where the cans of green beans were stocked. Where we sat for what seemed like an eternity as she looked through her coupons and studied every brand, every size, to find exactly what her family needed.

Normally, I would coax her along. I would start to slowly ease the cart away from her and toward the next item on the list (wherever that was). I would sigh and pace and sigh again, and then I would tell her that we could plant green beans, watch them grow, and pick and snap and cook them in less time than it took for her to make up her mind.

But I didn’t do that. Not that time. I simply reached into the cart for a magazine I was hoping to save for that night, opened it up, and started reading.

I wasn’t going to change my wife. I knew that then. And I also knew that didn’t matter. Because I didn’t marry her for who I wanted her to be, I married her for who she was. And I had the sneaky feeling she had done the same.

I looked at her as she studied her options, flipping a lock of blond hair from her eyes, and I realized, finally, that I loved this woman. Loved her truly. Loved her with a passion and depth that defied words. And it occurred to me that we could stand there in that aisle and look for green beans forever, and it wouldn’t matter.

Just as long as we were together.

For those of you out there who haven’t had the opportunity to hear or see this song, I invite you to do so. It says what all men think about the ladies in their lives but sometimes just can’t find the words to say. I dedicate it now to the woman in my life, and the women in yours…

Happy Easter, everyone. He is risen. Rejoice!

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Filed under: conflict, living, love
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Comments

  • Marie

    Hi Billy. I recently found your blog and am liking what I see here. I am a student in the classroom of life as well and I like to think I learn something new every day. What else is life for? And Happy Easter to you too.

  • Alison Bryant

    This might be one of the best of your posts. Extremely touching.

    I did smile during the video, not only because I often unintentionally make my poor, sweet husband wait, but because of one of my former hospice patients. Married for several decades yet not elderly, he and his sweetheart were still like newlyweds. I adored them both.
    Before he passed away he promised her he would wait for her at the gate of heaven so they could enter together. A year and a half later she died instantly in a car accident. The family played a sweet song similar to this one at her funeral.

  • Jack Brown

    Thanks. what a lovely post. wives were made to cherish

  • Sarah Salter

    I tried to come up with something really eloquent to say, but this is the best I could do: Awww! That’s so sweet!

  • elaine @ peace for the journey

    Well, that’s something. Brad and Andy in the same video; life is good!

    My love story is a bit different. I was a single mom with two young sons…been dating my now husband for about 6 months. He called me at work one day, knowing that I had a full evening planned with the boys after the grind of my 9 to 5 (soccer practice, grocery shopping, etc.). He told me that when I got home and before I set sail on my nightly “crazy” to check the trunk.

    I nearly forgot, but then I did, and what I saw brought me to tears and to the realization that I, in fact, loved that man. Inside my trunk?

    A week’s worth of groceries. I supposed I don’t have to tell you what that meant to me…not only as it pertained to my “weary” but also to my “pocketbook.” I knew that day that this man would still be filling my trunk and my heart with “service”… fifty years down the road. By the grace of God we’ve navigated 12 of those years; he’s raised my sons as his own, and we’ve added two more to the nest.

    God’s grace has been a good and gracious grace. I remember it more deeply in this week of reflection.

    peace~elaine

  • twofinches

    Billy

    What a beautiful place to be in your relationship with your wife. Love for anything or anyone is just that kind of process. We start out anxious to find someeone just like us, surprised to find the one that we are drawn to so very unlike the one we had imagined. And yet that is the deliciousness of love…the madness and folly of the longing heart. We are wise to “pick up a magazine” and content ourselves with letting them be who they are by our sides.

    May you have a blessed Easter weekend…

    BTW I added you to my blogroll!

  • Tracy

    Thank you, Billy for this delightful post and tribute to your wife! I hadn’t seen the video yet, so thanks for sharing! I enjoyed this whole post very much, though I’m not especially happy about the tears in my eyes! Blessings and Happy Easter!

  • lynnrush

    What an amazing post. I’d seen that video before, it knocked me off my feet just like it did right now again.

    Powerful words.

    Powerful post, Billy.

    Happy Good Friday to you and yours. He is RISEN!

  • katdish

    Your wife sounds like exactly like me, only completely different. Actually, she sounds frighteningly like my husband. Which is weird. I know I drive him crazy with my nondomestic ways. I rather use a circular saw than a vacuum cleaner. In many ways, I am freakishly guylike, which might explain why I have a decent male reader following. I’ve had the same thoughts about my husband and his ocd tendencies. But the truth is, if he were like me, we would most likely be working the traveling parking lot carnival circuit. God made us different for a reason. Besides, there should be at least one grown up in the family. Hope you and your family have a wonderful resurrection day. God bless.

  • Joanne Sher

    Never heard this song before, but I love it (especially with Andy Griffith!). By the way, I’m more often waiting on my husband (LOL or my kids) but that’s beside the point.

    Wonderful thoughts. And A Joyous Easter to you too!

  • Margo Carmichael

    Precious! Love it!

  • sharilyn

    love that song. and love that you love your wife!–especially enough to hold back that green bean comment this day! :) i’m sure you warmed her heart with your post…

    ps. has your blog always been black, because call me lame, but i just don’t remember it so!?

  • jasonS

    Ahh man! Does that mean I need to stop calling her every five minutes when she was going to be back at 5 and it’s 5:45? :)

    That was a great story and I am so happy to say I have felt what you felt that day (though sometimes I have a little trouble remembering).

    BTW, I don’t listen to country music so I hadn’t heard that song. The 1st part was hilarious and the song was great. Thanks for the post!

  • Helen

    Romance in the grocery store…..

  • TUC

    As I got near the end of your story it occured to me that she picked you out, off the shelf, probably in that same careful way. Surely there were lots of other cans of beans around you, but you lucky dog, she picked you! Maybe you came with a rebate?

    Loved this post.

  • Billy Coffey

    TUC- I’m sure you’re right. Not sure, though, if I came with a rebate. And trust me, I haven’t been cheap.

  • Billy Coffey

    Sharilyn- I changed things around a few weeks ago. We don’t want to go there. Trust me.

    Jason- If and when Andy Griffith passes on, I will demand a national day of mourning.

  • God’s Not Finished With Us Yet…

    Awwww, that song is so sweet and beautiful and he sang it so sincere; it was heartfelt, coming from me (a woman), however my hubby gets a little impatient, but that’s okay. That was a beautiful post Billy. Your wife must feel so blessed and honored to have you as a spouse. Loved the post!

    And Happy Easter to you and your family as well.

  • Rosslyn Elliott

    That’s a very touching post. Thank you.

    In our family, I’m the punctual one. My husband’s side of the family is chronically late. As the daughter of a military man, I was expected to be out the door on cue. Zero tolerance for lateness! :-)

  • katdish

    So…bummer.

    I read your post earlier on my Blackberry, so I couldn’t view the video. Now, for some reason, I still can view it. So I’m just going to assume it was this one:

    Things you don’t say to your wife.

  • Jennifer

    A man who honors his wife like this is a good man, indeed.

    Happy Easter, brother.

  • RCUBEs

    Hi there. Thanks for your visit and comment. I hope you don’t mind that I added your site in my blogroll. Your writing style is inspiring! May God continue to guide you and speak through you. God bless, bro.

  • Steph

    You are a beautiful writer! Your wife is blessed!

  • Amy

    Billy,
    Thanks for this post. It is truly beautiful! Indeed, I hope to “catch” this Truth, of accepting my future husband, flaws, quirks, kinks and all…and actually embrace and LOVE those little foibles he will have.

    Blessings,
    ~Amy :)

  • Chris Godfredsen

    Been MIA for a while as you know, Billy, but am certainly glad I hopped back in when I did. God has a way of doing things like this, doesn’t he.

    Life is so busy, so hurried and so full of distractions and things we have to do or get to – that slowing down and noticing our wives flick a lock of hair behind her ear can be a rare occurrence.

    I thank God for places like aisle three – in your life and in mine! God bless you this Easter, brother!

  • Billy Coffey

    Good to hear from you, Chris!

  • Amy

    While the post was sweet, the fact that you have Brad Paisley in there does help.

  • Beth E.

    I hopped over from Candy’s blog to visit you…I’m so glad I did! I haven’t seen too many men in blogland. I was curious to “check you out.” LOL

    I have a special place in my heart for those named Bill or Billy. I have been married to my high school sweetheart, Bill, for 30 years. Our oldest son, Billy, is in his third year of college. We also have another son, Bo.

    Your post has blessed me so. My husband does not enjoy going to the grocery store with me. I shop the same way your wife does. I’ve decided to print this post and tape it to the bathroom mirror! :o )
    I’m teasing…I have the best husband around…thanks for writing such a sensitive, caring post.

    Blessings…

  • Angela

    This was such a precious, touching post. So beautiful…I cannot even think of the right words to leave a proper comment.

  • Spherical

    Thanks for sharing a very heart-touching post. I think the two people that often get taken for granted the most are our wives and Jesus. We need to be reminded of that, often.

  • Annie

    And with the one, we love, beside us, anyplace, even the grocery store is home. As always a wonderful post and loved the video too ;) Happy Easter to you and your family!

  • nAncY

    Love hits us in the stranges places…green beans…fantastic.

  • gzusfreek

    As I sat drinking coffee with a friend of mine, (we are both single) I love her, but she is not Christian, and we discussed our different beliefs about marriage – she asked, “Do you think monogamy really happens? Do you think true love exists?” I replied, “I’ve seen it.” She said, “How do you know that it is truly love? They could be sleeping around and lying.” I think I’ll send her this post, Billy. After 18 years true love is found — What a beautiful post.

  • Edna

    Please enter me into the give away, I love books

    May God Bless

  • Julie Gillies

    Now THAT’S love in action, Billy. Love that bites its tongue, then realizes and cherishes what it has. It’s a beautiful thing.

  • Edna

    Oh I loved this video of Brad Presily and Andy Griffin. Andy has been a favorite ever since Mayberry, Matlock, No time for Sargent etc, so this is just icing on the cake with both on this video “Waiting on a Woman”

  • bradley j moore

    Nice! Great writing, by the way. Yeah, I’ve been married 23+ years, and the love is still growing strong. Thank God. For her. For that.
    BTW, I do plenty of grocery shopping, and I know where everything is in the store.

  • manker

    love that song, btw.. rejoice in your differences.. methinks… you sound like the difference in personality between me and my DH :)

    i’ve come to embrace that… amazing the perspectives I get

    blessings
    gp

  • Sockrma18

    What a true MAN you are…..and what a lucky wife you have! I love the comment someone left about how you are a lucky can of beans and your wife most likely picked you out the same way. :0)

    May God bless you and your wife with (at least) another 60+ years together in Aisle Three!!!

  • Warren Baldwin

    Good post, touching, as the number of comments to your article would attest! It is amazing how God allows certain moments to create a dynamic that cements a relationship even more closely. Thanks for sharing this story.

    Warren
    A couple of articles on marriage you might enjoy: http://warrenbaldwin.blogspot.com/search/label/Marriage

  • Denise

    So very sweet.