Billy Coffey
Billy Coffey

Loving thy neighbor

April 7, 2009  

My friend Pete loves everybody. It’s a matter of pride to him, I think. He’ll tell you that he loves you the first time you meet him. Doesn’t matter who are or what you look like, either. “I’ve never met anybody I didn’t love,” he’ll say, “’Cause I love Jesus and Jesus loves me. So I gotta love you, too.” Then he’ll grab you in his gargantuan arms and lift you off the ground, shaking your bones like a pair of dice.

That’s Pete.

Pete is also as traditional as they come. Church every Sunday and Wednesday, and not a morning goes by without scripture and prayer. The combination of the two has infused in him and his family a bedrock of faith that for years refused to be shaken by anything life could throw at him.

Until the other day. Until my phone rang and he said in his breathless, forty-four-year-old voice, “You gotta get over here. Now.”

Pete was on his front porch when I got there, rocking back and forth in a lawn chair that was not made for rocking, looking thoroughly displeased. He offered me our usual snack—a Coke and a bag of peanuts. I proceeded to dump the latter into the former and take a sip of the salty sweetness.

“What’s up?” I asked him.

“Don’t believe it,” he said. “Don’t believe it, don’t believe it, dontbelieveit.”

“Don’t believe what?” I asked. Another sip.

“Johnson house sold there, across the street,” he said, pointing.

I turned around and followed his finger. Sure enough, the FOR SALE sign on the house across from his had been topped with another that said SOLD. The Johnsons had moved three weeks ago, and everyone figured that the house would be empty for a long while given the economy.

“Great,” I said, facing him again. “You have new neighbors. What’s the problem?”

Dontbelieveit dontbelieveit dontbelieveit.”

“Pete, you swallow something you weren’t supposed to?” I asked. “You been in the moonshine?”

Lookie!” he almost shouted, pointing again. “Lookie there and see what the cat done dragged in. Dontbelieveit!”

I turned again. Standing on the front porch of the Johnson house were Pete’s new neighbors. Older lady, slightly younger gal. They were attempting to arrange an assortment of rocking chairs and tables just so and not quite getting it. An aggravating situation for some, though they seemed in bright enough spirits.

“Pete, I don’t—”

“—LOOKIE!”

The older woman, now utterly confused by the configurations of her new porch, simply gave one of the rockers a hard shove into the younger lady. The act of frustration was met with laughter from both, who then proceeded to fall into one another’s arms and share a very long, very deep…kiss.

“Dontbelieveit,” I said.

Pete buried his head in his hands. “Lawd,” he said. I wasn’t sure if he was praying or merely dumbfounded. “Lawd Jesus God help me.”

Praying.

“Lawd, why’d You do this to me?” he moaned. “Thissa sort of thing that happens out in Hellywood, Lawd. Not ’cross the street.”

I shook my head in amazement, and the sheer irony of it all made me laugh. Pete, God-and-mama-and-apple-pie Pete, I-love-everybody Pete, had gotten a gay couple for neighbors.

“Huh,” I said. “Ain’t that something.”

Somethin’?” he retorted, raising his head to look at me. “Don’t you know this ain’t good? Ain’t you read your Bible, boy?”

“Yep,” I said.

“Well, there then,” he answered, as if that explained things.

“You a little homophobic, Pete?” I asked, with a sip of my Coke and a smile.

“Homophobic?” he said. “Homophobic? Boy, I gotta eat a corndog with a knife and fork.”

I snorted out my drink and bent over, wiping it from my mouth and blue jeans.

Pete stared at me, unsure of what had just transpired that would cause me to make such a mess of myself. “What am I gonna do?” he asked. “What. Am. I. Gonna. Do?”

I thought about that. What was Pete going to do? Fume and pout, I supposed. For a little while, anyway. But then Jesus would come calling. The Jesus Pete loved and Who loved him more, Who said that hate was never really any good for anything other than eating up your own insides. He would come calling and tell Peter that it’s easy to love those who are like you, that everyone does that. But that love Jesus wanted from Peter was the hard love, the kind that’s not easy.

It’s okay to not like what they do, Jesus would say, because He didn’t like it either. But Jesus also loved those two women, and He wanted Pete to do the same. Because Pete had faith, and because that faith just might be the closest thing to Jesus those two women ever see.

“Just wait,” I told him. “It’ll come to you.”

We stared across the street. The two women resumed their rocking chair arranging, then stared at us.

They waved.

We waved back.

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Comments

  • Sockrma18

    WHAT A TIMELY POST…..

    As you surely know by now, the Iowa Supreme Court just voted to allow gay marriage in our state. Living in the capital of Iowa I cannot describe to you the under-rumblings that are taking place. No one (that I have seen) is shouting at the top of their lungs over it…..everyone is just sharing their very HEATED opinions with others who AGREE with them. My office (a law office no less) is fully split.

    “OH MAN….what is happening to our world!” to “Who cares? Let them do whatever they want!” It’s so exhausting.

    My only response when I have been asked: “I don’t have to like it or participate in it, but JUST SO WE ARE VERY CLEAR, it is NOT my place to judge. God’s got all that covered.” I have gotten more glares over that than if I had an opinion one way or the other!

    So….loving thy neighbor, even if we don’t agree with choices, is EXACTLY what we are called to do. Exactly what Jesus would do. We all need to walk across the street and show the Spirit that lives within us. It’s the only way to TRULY love.

    Great post! Can’t wait to hear how the relationship grows in Jesus!

    Becki

    P.S. Peanuts IN the Pepsi??? Sounds….interesting. Something I gotta try!

  • Billy Coffey

    Becki- I’ve heard about the Iowa Supreme Court decision. I gotta say I was a little surprised. Vermont? Sure. Massachusetts? Absolutely. Iowa? Wow.

    As to your P.S., it’s generally a bottle of Coke that we put our peanuts in down here, though I myself have tried both Pepsi and Dr. Pepper and found them more than satisfying. It’s a Southern thing, I think. But trust me- try it.

  • elaine @ peace for the journey

    Mercy, I was right there on that front porch with you and Pete, assessing the situation through three sets of lenses. Pete’s. Yours. And theirs.

    Your right… it’ll come to Pete. Perhaps it already has.

    peace~elaine
    ps: tell Pete I love him too!

  • Sarah Salter

    We all have sin in our lives… Some people’s sin is just more apparent than others’. Seems to me that Pete will figure out before long that this just means that they need to see the love of Jesus even MORE than the average neighbors.

    Dontcha just love livin’ in the South? Coke and Peanuts! I thought my Dad made this concoction up! LOL! But accordin’ to him, it works BEST in the glass bottle, NOT the can or the plastic bottle. :-)

  • Alabama Redhead

    Okay, at first I thought your friend Pete was like my friend Pete…but unlike your friend Pete, my friend Pete would be selling tickets to his buddies to watch the festivities and trying to sneak his way in…cause by loving everybody I mean my Pete wants to LOVE everybody…as long as they have tatas…. totally not the same Pete…. :)

  • Candace Jean July 16

    Sitting here in Iowa saying dang what a timely post! Even the cows and cornstalks are talking here!

    Love God. Love People. Love your blog. Don’t think that’s in the Bible, but sometimes blogs are people, too. Like now.

  • sherri

    Billy, we are studying the book of Matthew in my Sunday School class and this very thing is what has been laid on my heart about loving those that aren’t so easy to love.

    I have some very “different” people in my life right now and God is showing me their value as a creation of his…the way they are right now…NOT the way I want them to be, but for me to see their value NOW. Just appreciate them for who they are and let Him work out the kinks, just like I’m expecting Him to love and be patient with me.
    It’s really not that hard.

    This was beautiful.

  • Lorrie

    The more faithful we are the more challenges we are provided :-D

    I also must add… You drink your pop with peanuts in it! My father always did that and I followed suit for years. I switched to cashews for a long time. Then, I gave up caffeine and there went my favorite snack! Anyway, that was a great memory kick for me. Thanks!

  • Lyla

    Well told, Billy. Tough story, well told. He wants the hard kind of love from all of us. Thanks again.

  • katdish

    “Homophobic?” he said. “Homophobic? Boy, I gotta eat a corndog with a knife and fork.”

    Oh, that was RICH!

    Here’s the reality of life: There are millions of people who offend our sensibilities and our moral standards. Jesus died for their sins just as he died for all of ours. Jesus never accepted the sin, but he absolutely loved the sinner. We can stay inside the safe confines of our upstanding church buildings, or we can go about our Father’s business and love these people. Part of loving them is to give up this idea that they are somehow below us. We need to stop worrying about whether our friendship will make them think we approve of their behavior. I think we use that as a crutch to avoid contact. I may not be wearing a scarlett letter, but I am a sinner. And so is Pete. Treat others like you want to be treated – with dignity.

    He totally sounds like my Uncle Stewart in my head, except he would have said, “Lawdy, Lawdy! Good Gawd Ulmighty!”

    Never was a fan of the peanuts in the coke…

  • Rosslyn Elliott

    Beautifully-described, wonderful thoughts. Thank you.

    Personal testimony: Long ago, a close family member of mine had a very hard heart towards homosexuals. As a teenager, I found this extremely alienating. That hard, aggressive attitude can rob us of our credibility with other people. It sounds to me as if your friend is more flummoxed than hard-hearted–he sounds like a good guy. And I too, am intrigued by the peanuts and Coke!

    By the way, the events of your post would be a fantastic opening scene for a contemporary inspirational novel. Edgy as all get-out, of course. But I would love to see someone explore this situation in a realistic way.

    I hope you’re working on a big project that you’re going to spring on the world soon.

  • Tracy

    Oh, poor Pete! He sounds like a wonderful guy, who just had his world rocked a bit. But yes, I’m sure he’ll navigate these murky waters, with Jesus to light his way. Blessings to you and Pete!

  • sharilyn

    we all throw around the phrase “hate the sin but love the sinner,” but it’s so much harder when we’re face to face (or porch to porch) with it. it’s tough to walk it out…figuring out just how to do it–loving them, but not condoning what they do; still standing on what is right, but knowing when or when not to speak; being Jesus to others and walking in His very big shoes…

    so glad for the Holy Spirit who guides us and tells us “here is the way; walk in it.” sounds like pete listens to Him a lot, and i’m sure he’s getting a bit of that HS whispering…and it probably won’t be long before he’s over on their porch giving them a big hug and saying “i love you!”

  • Annie

    In high school, I had a friend who revealed to his parents that he was gay. He was 18 and it was the 80’s. They threw him out, declaring he was no longer their son. I will never forget it.
    I don’t have to agree with a certain lifestyle and folks don’t have to agree with mine. And sometimes when I start down the judgement road, Jesus puts on the brakes and parks right in front of me. Then I have the choice to accept and really love or continue down the path of destruction.
    I always think of John the Baptist. He was judged by others, but not by Jesus. Jesus showed his love by insisting John baptize Him.
    And that is one thing that is constant in my life, the love of Christ even when I least deserve it or am worthy of it.

  • Billy Coffey

    Annie- I gotta give you an “Amen” for that.

  • Helen

    Poor Pete. I can see how it is a dilema. You want to be loving, but not appear to condone something God forbids. Even if he balances the situation perfectly, he is likely to appear to them as they wish to see him…..condoning if they respect him and what he stands for, condemning if they don’t.

  • lynnrush

    Great post, Billy. So true. Love is love, and that’s what we’re called to do. Not judge, just love.

    It’s hard sometimes, especially if we don’t agree with something someone is doing. But we must love nonetheless.

    Thanks for this.

  • Joanne Sher

    Oh wow. Timely. Poignant and REAL. Putting feet on those words. Would love to meet Pete (and you, for that matter LOL). I was absolutely engaged from beginning to end.

    Oh, and I think I’ll skip on the peanuts in soda thing. Thanks anyway, though :)

  • capturedbygod

    Thanks for your comment on my blog! I just got back from Gatlinburg and the Smoky Mtns. That area is beautiful!

    I enjoyed your story! It captured my attention. I couldn’t wait to read what would happen! Blessings, Jenny

  • Jon P

    Billy,
    Thanks for this post. I lived in Iowa for most of my life and now live just a few miles from the border. It is truly a hot topic. But it is a topic that people that claim to be faithful followers are making me really question what their purpose is. Several people on here have stated it perfectly by saying that we are not here to judge anyone. That is Gods job, not mine. We have much worse things happening in our world today than two people wanting to share their time with each other. When they start shooting guns, terrorizing people or hurting children we should all revolt. Until then I will not judge but leave that to the maker.
    Thanks Billy
    Can’t wait to try the coke and peanuts.

  • Amy

    Billy,
    Excellent post! Indeed, so often we do not understand that loving people who are carrying out sinful behavior is NOT the same thing as conconing the sin.

    There is a huge different between the person who is sinning and the sin itself.

    For so long, especially when I was steeped in a Religious mentality, I did not separate the two. Thus, I felt uncomfortable around those who were sinning intensionally, and/or showed no intent to change.

    Truly, Christ LOVED sinners! There were so many examples of Him doing so: the woman caught in adultry, Matthew the tax collector, when the disciples asked/elbowed each other in asking to be at Jesus’ right or left hand in Heaven, etc.

    My deepest desire is to show love to those who are sinning, because Christ’s love in my heart motivates me to WANT to!! Especially, since, I, myself, lived acting out sins…yet it was those true-blue friends who loved me during those seasons and showed me Grace and walked me back onto the Path of harmonious walking with Christ.

    Everyone is valuable. All deserve to be loved. We CAN love without condoning the sin they are doing. We can speak the truth/honesty in love to them, not come across as condemning or judging, but rather simply showing them the destruction their sin is having upon them.

    By loving, we allow the Holy Spirit to speak into their hearts about what they are doing. Love and Grace opens these people to trust us enough to listen to us.

    Again, great post, Billy!

    I hope “Pete’s” heart, perhaps over time, was/is being transformed with regards to his two new neighbors.

    Blessings,
    ~Amy :)

  • Amy

    gosh dang it, I choked on my coffee giggling at Pete’s reaction. Bless his heart.. LOL

  • Jennifer

    Great post. And wow — you have a great crew of folks who offer some really good thoughts here. I love your posts, Billy, but I also love to come back and read the comments from your wise and insightful readers.

    Thanks for continuing to keep a great conversation going day after day. When I examine “What I Learned Today” in my own life, many days, I learned it right here.

    God bless you, brother!

  • jasonS

    Absolutely great post. I laughed at several parts, but it was amazing as you described it, I kept picturing Mayberry and Sheriff Taylor dealing with the situation, which made me laugh even more. Beyond the humor, this is a good word and an important word.

    BTW the “corn dog with a knife and fork” line was so hilarious.

  • Beth in NC

    Ok Billy. You always have me perplexed as to IF you really experienced these “happenings” or if you are an excellent story teller — or both!

    I hate to embarrass myself — assuming these stories are real. :o ) But maybe I just embarrassed myself by assuming they aren’t. lol HELP!

  • Billy Coffey

    Beth:

    The answer to your question is a little complicated, so I’ll do my best. The things I write about DO happen, and often happen just as I write them. But as my town is small, the people are gossipy, and almost every conversation I have with someone is prefaced with “You’re not gonna write about me, are you?”, I do switch some names, locations, and characteristics to protect the innocent. Or the guilty, for that matter.

    That way the story is still told, and I don’t have people coming up my driveway with pitchforks and torches. Win-win, I think.

  • Warren Baldwin

    You are a good story teller, Bill. And theologian. You are right about us being a godly influence to folks in the world, and that includes homosexuals, burglars, drug users, you name it. God confronts us with some tough, tough situations, but we have to hang in there with the story of the Gospel and character of Jesus. Good post.
    Warren
    http://warrenbaldwin.blogspot.com/

  • Peter Stone

    Hey Billy,
    Fantastic writing, as usual. You have such a gift for presenting life’s lessons in an easy to read and relate to manner. Jesus loves everyone, (just not their sins,) and so true that it’s easy to love some, but other… Praise the Lord that we can show Christ’s love to all, (after He’s done His work in us!) and rest assured that lives will be touched, and changed, when those others see Christ’s love displayed through us.

  • Beth E.

    I’m lovin’ your blog! I’m gonna sign up to be a follower. I don’t want to miss a single post.

    I read your comment to Beth (there’s a lot of us Beths in blogland) and I know exactly what you mean about being in a small town, changing the names to protect the innocent – or not so innocent, perhaps! :o )

  • Beth E.

    P.S. Peanuts and Coke…YES! Valentine conversation hearts and Coke….NO. Just a little something I learned in 1st grade. It has the same effect as Mentos in Diet Coke! LOL

    Word verification: tater
    What we eat for supper. Also, the name of my first dog. :o )