Billy Coffey
Billy Coffey

In A Gray World

May 8, 2009  


I’m sitting in bed on a Tuesday night that has just become a Wednesday morning, watching reruns of M*A*S*H while sipping a strong cup of coffee. My family is tucked safely into the arms of slumber, but there will be little if any sleep for me tonight.

My daughter is sick.

Stomach ache, fever and all general malaise. Usually an inconvenience for parents of small children, but a big deal to us. Our daughter is diabetic, and anything as small as a cold can either send her blood sugar through the roof or through the floor.

The presence of a fever requires a glucose check every two hours, so to stay awake I have a stack of papers on the nightstand beside me. Hidden among the local and national news is an article from ABC News that I printed off the internet. “Researchers Use Embryonic Stem Cells to Treat Diabetes,” it says.

On March 9, President Obama signed a bill that increased government funding for embryonic stem cells, which can morph into any cell and could theoretically cure a number of diseases and handicaps from Alzheimer’s to paralysis. And diabetes.

These cells are considered by many a potential gold mine for medical advancements. They could both save millions of lives and give life back to millions.

And to this father of this child, it would be an answer to countless prayers.

Of all the traits my wife displays in her life, the one I try to emulate and make my own is what she calls the black and the white. To her, life in this world is either/or. There is no middle ground and no tightrope to walk. Either you do good, or you do evil. Either you do right, or you do wrong. You either stand with the angels, or you don’t.

It’s a way of life that has served her well over the years. If I would have followed her lead earlier, my life would be missing many of the regrets I carry every day. But as I follow her lead now, I’m working on it. Trying.

For instance: my faith states that using embryonic stem cells, even for noble purposes, is wrong. To me and millions of others, these cells are life. And to manipulate them in any way cheapens that life, which is something that happens in our society enough as it is. One of the biggest reasons why there is so much violence and hate in this world stems from the fact we no longer honor life. That it is no longer considered holy and sacred.

This is what I believe.

And yet here we are, so technologically advanced that a few tiny cells could conceivably cure my daughter’s disease. Could give her the new life that her old one was, one without finger pricks and insulin shots and keytones and carb counting.

Do you know what it’s like for your child to look at you through tears and say, “I just want to go to heaven with Jesus, Daddy, because then I won’t feel so bad anymore?”

I do. And it hurts.

Faith is supposed to take care of that kind of hurt. It’s supposed to prop you up when you feel you are about to stumble. It is supposed to be your constant. Your First.

It is exactly that for me and my life, with perhaps the one exception of the little girl in the room next to mine. Trying to live by black and white is a noble task, I think. It’s good to know where you stand and what you stand for. But it’s also a hard thing. It’s hard to live by black and white in a world clouded by gray.

Because even if I feel that what our president has done in furthering embryonic stem cell research is wrong, a part of me now has hope. And I just don’t know what that says about me.
Because the day may come when I will be forced to answer this question:

If this can cure my daughter’s diabetes, will I withhold it from her because of my faith?

Or will I grant it to her because of my love?






(this post was published as a column in the Staunton News Leader on 5/8/09)

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Filed under: diabetes, faith, parenting
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Comments

  • Nitewrit

    Billy,

    Decisions we face in life and in faith are often difficult. It becomes a matter between oneself and God. It is easy to say what one would do about the wolf when it isn’t your door the wolf is at. We’ll pray for you and your daughter. There is research looking at many possibilities, perhaps one will find the breakthrough and make everything else mote.

    Larry E.

  • Tea With Tiffany

    This is an honest account from a father who loves his God and his girl. I felt your pain. And as usual, I teared up with the depth of your words. I have no answers, only prayer.

  • Tea With Tiffany

    PS Tell your wife Happy Mothers Day!

  • Annie

    Thank you for so eloquently saying this. I too have struggled with this choice. My faith as well states it is wrong to use stem cells. But I have always seen Michael J Fox and Christopher Reeve in the back of my head. And I have always made the argument that I cannot judge those who support it because I am not in their situation. Life is so precious. Sometimes we need to walk a mile to understand…your words have allowed us to do just that.

  • RCUBEs

    There is a Father I know Who gave even His one and only Son to save sinners. He didn’t even hesitate to allow Him to die on the cross just to save us all. What He had done…is LOVE…

    This is always a hard topic because it’s an ethical issue. But I believe that if we bring everything to the Lord, He will surely direct you to choose the right decision if ever that time comes for you to do so.

    Our Father wants us to be victors not victims; to soar not to sink; to overcome not to be overwhelmed…It’s just right for you to feel and hope for a cure for your loving child because you are a good father who only wants the best for your child.

    Opining not as a nurse, but more so because I’m a mother that I know and fully understand where you’re coming from when it comes to our child’s well-being or healing.

    “God always answers in the deeps, never in the shallows of our souls”-anon.

    One thing is for sure, I can lift your daughter up in my prayers starting now for the Greatest Physician to heal her and her diabetes. God bless you and your family. Thank you for an honest post from a loving father.

  • Peter P

    I guess this is why we have to stand up and fight against things which are morally wrong before they happen.

    If the government said they were going to kill the entire population of, let’s say, Dallas to perform research on the bodies of all of those people we would object immediately and do everything in our power to stop it.

    If we failed to stop it and out of it came a cure for cancer, or diabetes or AIDS… would we in, moral conscience, then be able to deny that cure to others.

    The answer would be NO, I suspect – and it would probably be argued that God was working for the good of those who love him in that situation. Making good come from evil.

    So I would say the moral question, the question you need to ask yourself is will you stand by and allow something bad to happen in the hope that, eventually, good can come of it? Or will you stand against it and then, if you fail in your quest to halt the wrong from being done, not add wrong to wrong and allow good to come of it by using the medicine that comes from it?

    I hear that two wrongs do not make a right.

    Fetal stem cell research is wrong.
    Not giving life-saving medicine is wrong.

    That’s two wrongs that don’t make a right, in my book!

    Great post Billy

  • Warren Baldwin

    Tough call, Billy. Tough questions at the end. I’m with Tiffany on this one I think, my friend, I have no answers but I do have prayer for your daughter and your family.

  • girlinaglasshouse

    Billy

    That was an honest late night musing. They are often thought provoking because we let our guard down.

    I hear you loud and clear. I have been a pro-life advocate for as long as I can remember. But when my daughter was raped and called me to ask if she should take the morning after pill I stumbled around in the dim light of sorrow.

    I did not want her to have to carry a child of a stranger or to stop her school and her life. I did not want her to lose her life plans. I almost gave in to what would have been easiest. But the old right-is-right and wrong-is- wrong stood strong within me.

    So I understand a little of what you are wrestling with and I admire your honest writing.

  • Wendy

    My six year old daughter was diagnosed with diabetes when she was 15 months old, and I have been in your shoes too many times to count over the years. It’s frightening. Just thinking about it right now brings tears to my eyes. Seeing our children suffer is torture.

    I, too, am opposed to using embryonic stem cells. The cost is just too great. But I am all for the use of adult stem cells (aka cord blood). These precious cells come with the birth of every child, but most of the time are thrown into the trash after the birth. While there have been no studies that have shown embryonic stem cells are able to cure anything, adult stem cells have been proven effective in curing many diseases. My own niece was diagnosed with leukemia (AML) at 10 months old, and is now 11 years old and cancer-free thanks to a non-relative cord blood transplant.

    Why on earth are they pushing so hard for embryonic stem cell research when a cure is being thrown out with every birth? It just doesn’t make sense. Why not take this amazing gift that God has given with the birth every child and use it? Why must man twist and distort the gift of life?

    I want a cure for my daughter. But after years of trying to teach her right from wrong, can I make a choice that throws all that teaching out the window?

  • T. Anne

    A genuinely touching post! Thank you for the opportunity to pray for your daughter.

  • Anne L.B.

    Billy, I don’t believe we ever need to choose between faith and love. When we walk closely enough with the Lord for His shadow to cover us, He will lead us through every decision. When we know what He wants, we can be sure that the greatest blessing will always be found through faith in His love.

    For what it’s worth, non-embryonic stem cells have produced far more successful advances than embryonic stem cells, which are less stable. But the media has an agenda, and that includes devaluing human life, even at the embryonic stage. If science is willing to put human life above agenda, the answers will be found more quickly.

    I don’t have time to track down the info for this at the moment. But you don’t need my word, or a link anyway–you need only your faith and love.

    Molly and her parents just got added to my prayer list.

  • Beth E.

    I was just going to share with you regarding the success of adult stem cells…Thank you to Wendy for her info about it.

    This post took my breath away…praying for your daughter, Billy, and praying for you and your wife!

    Blessings to you,
    Beth
    P.S. I gave you a “shout out” on my last post! :o )

  • Keystone

    One of the hardest things I ever had to do with my mom, was to stab a needle into her belly, twice a day for diabetes, when she no longer could.

    One of the hardest things I had to do with my daughter was take her to the Shriner’s and then the Cleveland Clinic, to find a floor exercise in gymnastics had gone awry.
    Her spine was cracked in two.

    But the difficulties of life had started many years before either of those events. They would produce tears.

    I once read about tears in the Bible.

    “Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God.

    He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”
    ~~~Revelation 21:3-4

    Long ago, I collected a rainbow colored glass vessel, that looked like a shrunken down “I Dream of Jeanne” bottle, with a top to insert. The bottle is about 4 inches tall. I keep it in my bedroom always available.

    When I cry, I open the lid to the bottle, until I am done crying. If God is going to one day wipe them away, mine will be easy, for I have collected their essence often in that bottle.

    Everyone who ever saw the bottle oooh’s and awe’s at the outer beauty of the glass and rainbow.
    They want it.

    But the beauty is not on the outside. The beauty no one can see. The times I cried include two events; extreme joy and extreme grief. My bottle fills mostly with the latter. The language of the heart is teardrops and the heart only speaks during extreme joy and extreme grief.

    Before God said He would collect my tears (and yours), He said He would be my God and He would live with me.

    He is in my heart speaking the tears…..
    for little girls with diabetes,
    for young women raped and carrying foreign life into living love,
    for my mom missing her first Mother’s Day on Earth, but celebrating her first Mother’s Day in heaven,
    for lost children,
    aids orphans,
    the divorced and lonely,
    widows and single parents,
    my list never ends….

    I will open the bottle this night and remember each in this post and all comments, and have the tears collected for Him in advance…..to one day be wiped away forever.

    I view the world black and white as your wife, but a friend once grew exhasperated with my views and pleaded for me to look closer. He said that when I look as close as I could, somewhere the black and the white meet. It isn’t jagged. It isn’t easy to spot. But there is a place where what was black turns to what is white.

    You’re a good dad, Billy.
    And girl in a glass house has proven a good mom, and soon gramma. BOTH of you are standing on that finely sliced piece of reality between black and white. I join you there in my prayers, for I have stood there before too.

    I guess I can cap my tear bottle now. He has spoken through tears again this night, collected them, and waits for the day to wipe ‘em away for good.

    Tell your daughter a stranger is praying for her every day.

  • Candace Jean July 16

    I wish I had some wisdom to offer here, but I am so touched by this post, I am speechless. You are an awesome dad and husband. Your faith will see your family through the trials of this disease. All I can say is that you are in my prayers – praying for a cure, and praying in gratitude for people such as you. Thanks, Billy.

  • Carol

    I love my children and grandchildren so much….this is a hard one….no answers, but lots of thoughts and prayers for you and your daughter. No, YOU are amazing! Carol

  • Blessed Mom of 8

    Billy,

    Beautiful post! My heart breaks with yours.

    I have to say Peter P. comments are what I would say too.

    I would like to challenge you and everyone who reads your blog to watch a film I went to see last night. A movie about three of the top people who have done the largest cases studies on nutrition and disease.

    Much of the information I knew from my 10 yrs of research. But I learned some things last night that I will now be changing things in my book before its new release.

    Please Billy, take the time to watch the video with your wife – I truly believe it could change your life and most importantly your daughters! http://adelicatebalance.com.au/

    The last 15-20 minutes are a little Al Gore”ish” but the rest is very powerful stuff.

    I have seen 100’s if not 1000’s of people see dramatic results in their life because of accepting the truth about the human body and nutrition. They allowed the truth to propel them to action – they didn’t use it for knowledge but for what God says – wisdom which causes us to become doers of His word. Just like the gospel is too powerful not to share – so is the truth about our health!

    Blessings and love to your family!
    Happy Mother’s Day to your wife!
    Jill

  • Helen

    I am sorry that your daughter is ill. I don’t have any answers either. I don’t think that embryonic stem cell research should be done, but I don’t think Christians should deny themselves or their loved ones treatment that was developed through it. I don’t even have a logical answer as to why that line of thought works for me. If I think of one, I’ll let you know. Hang in there. I said a prayer for you and your little girl before commenting.

  • katdish

    For whatever it’s worth, I’m right there with you. I would take everything I’ve learned from attempting to walk in faith and have an epic battle in my mind and heart about absolute rights and wrongs. I don’t honestly know if I would remain faithful to my beliefs, or sin against God and throw myself at His mercy after the fact. Just being honest.

  • Jennifer

    I love your honesty, your willingness to share the struggle here. Wish I had an answer. …

    I’m wondering as I write about whether it’s an either/or (meaning, faith and love). An act of love is inherently a leap of faith, on a tightrope of hope.

    “And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.”

    Not sure if my jumbled thoughts make any sense. I’ll add them to the “gray…”

    Thanks for making us ponder.

  • Jennifer

    And I am praying for you …

  • Julie

    You have such an amazing way with words… painting a picture that speaks to the soul…

    I can see Papa God’s heart in this picture you display…
    Your ache shows His heart. A beautiful picture displayed.

    Thank you for yet another glimpse into the heart of a tender father!

  • Tamela’s Place

    hello Billy,

    i have read through your comments and there are some amazing people out there praying for your daughter and i also will begin praying for her as well. My sister was diagnosed with juvenile diabetes when she was 14 she has had to take shots twice and day and you know the routine, but anyways i don’t understand how it all works when it comes to God’s healing but i do know that He is a God who can still heal, i have witnessed it both spiritually as well as physically.

    I do believe at times God does use medicine and Doctor’s to bring healing. But too many times they are used to bring death as well. I am like your commentor Wendy just as she stated:

    Why on earth are they pushing so hard for embryonic stem cell research when a cure is being thrown out with every birth? It just doesn’t make sense. Why not take this amazing gift that God has given with the birth every child and use it? Why must man twist and distort the gift of life?

    There are many in science and the medical industry as well as the government that are going to be for death and not life, which is very evident. The abortion industry is huge and it brings a whole lot of money with it. And as long as life is devalued the money will flow! sad but true! If life would be valued once again the well of those monies would run dry. So keeping death alive so to speak is nothing short of the love of money which is the root of all evil!

    Your post was very touching and a lot of mother’s and father’s hear your heart.. But take comfort and know that there are people praying! Our God is faithful and most importantly he sees your heart and hears you as well as the prayers of others for your little angel!

    Tamela :)

  • Amy

    Billy,
    Indeed, I see your dilemma and my heart feels for your daughter.

    I was just curious, have you heard about the break-through discoveries made about Adult Stem Cells? I don’t watch her, but I heard there was a special on Oprah a bit back with Dr. Oz talking about it. I think you can find it on YouTube. Anyways, they believe that these Adult Stem Cells can actually possibly do MORE than the Embrionic ones.

    As well, I have a friend, Heidi, who has diabetes, and has a cateter sort-of type thing that was surgically connected to her pancreas, but it is placed on the outside on her leg. It has a digital screen that always shows what her blood-sugar level is. Thus, she never needs to prick herself. Have you learned/known about this? It’s quite an awesome thing she has and this device actually also contains a sugar-type stuff that she can press a button on it, and it “shoots” the substance into her.

    Blessings,
    ~Amy :)

  • TUC

    Oh, I hear you Billy, gray. That’s my favorite color.

  • nAncY

    a very hard question, billy.

    your words make me think that maybe we all take advantage, sometimes without realizing, of things that may envolve actions that could be againt what we believe in.

  • SILVER

    what you wrote reminded me of what Stormie O Martian said abt women has this intuition inside of us that we can sense it before the men can. But it should be done with lots of love and prayer..

    wishing both you and yours a most blessed day!

    Prayers and love for your family..

    Silver

  • elaine @ peace for the journey

    umm, umm, umm…

    that’s southern for “now that’s something to ponder.”

    Thanks for that … the pondering.

    Beautifully written, beautifully lived. Praying tonight that the entire Coffey household is back into full swing and celebrating the gift of life this day.

    peace~elaine

  • Rosslyn Elliott

    Great article, Billy.

    You may find this encouraging.

    A few years ago, I tutored a really special young man. His team won the First Lego League Robotics competition, which is an international contest and attracts really bright minds to do original research.

    My student’s team proposed a method for curing diabetics through nanotechnology: a pill that balances blood chemistry.

    Awesome, isn’t it? And if an eighth-grader can imagine it and propose the mechanism, science won’t be too far behind.

    Life isn’t only black and white and gray. That’s just how our limited human vision sees. We forget to hope for the whole spectrum. But God still breaks into our constricted world with strokes of brilliant color that reorient our thinking beyond either/or.

  • Luke

    I used to be a very black and white type person. And I still am, in many ways. However, I have learned that some of my positions were errant and I was wrong. My passionate stance was based on the wrong foundation.

    Now, I hope to be growing in humility and, while still an avid supporter of truth and what is right, I do my best to keep my eyes open to what is true and right and am hopefully growing in the areas of pride that so often blind me to the truth.

    As for stem cell research, I have been hearing many hopeful things about adult stem cells. And if what I am hearing is correct, we can have great scientific advancements without the moral issues of embryonic stem cell research.

    ~Luke

  • Sam Van Eman

    Billy,
    Thanks for another good reflection. I’d like to feature this over at High Calling Blogs. Stay tuned.

  • Joanne Sher

    Just powerful. I have no words.

  • manker

    three words.. pray, pray pray

    shalom
    gp

  • deb

    I live in the gray much of the time… know that I don’t know. But faith and love would heal, as well as a good dose of whatever technology has to offer. Maybe your sweet daughter will grow to discover and provide the more ethical cure !