In praise of fathers
June 19, 2009
Yes, the Bible covers just about all we need in the way of raising children. Just about, though. But just as a lot of things were left out of the Bible that in my opinion really shouldn’t have been (what made Jesus laugh? For some reason, I really want to know that), there are a lot of things missing on how to be a dad.
Like what to do when your three-year-old daughter accidently locks herself in the bathroom and can’t figure out how to unlock the door (what I did: pull a Jack Bauer and kick the door in. Result: louder crying). Or what to do when your four-year-old son manages to shove his peanut butter and banana sandwich into the DVD player just because that’s not where it goes (what I did: “What were you thinking?” Result: “I dunno.”).
I wish the Bible was clearer on those sorts of things. I need the guidance. When it comes to fatherhood, I resemble more a turtle on its back than Ward Cleaver. Every father is like this.
For some reason the women tend to outnumber the men around here, at least as far as the comments go. I’m not really sure why that is, but I’m not going to think about it now. Now, I’m going to use that to my own advantage.
I’m not all that different than any other man, with maybe the only difference being I write down what I think rather than keeping it all inside. So on this Father’s Day weekend, I’m going to tell you what I’m thinking, and I’m going to trust that you’ll know either your father or the father of your children is feeling the same way, even if they don’t always say it.
To the daughters out there:
Yes, we’re protective. And because of that, we’re hard on you. And as much as I would like to say that we’ll change that, I can’t. We won’t. We’ll always subliminally threaten your dates, we’ll always secretly distrust your husbands, and we’ll always think that no man is worthy of your love. We are or were hard on you in high school because we remembered well what we thought about as teenagers and how often we thought about it. We’re guys, and we know guys. That’s why we won’t change. You’re just going to have to deal with it.
We know early on that the day will come when you’ll give your heart to someone else. That Daddy will at some point vacate the pole position in your heart. We know it. It kills us anyway. Because no matter how old you are, in our minds you’re still in pigtails running to greet us at the door when we get home from work.
To the sons:
We’re harder on you, no doubt about it. We expect more, demand more, and need more. There is nothing in the world more difficult than raising a boy to be a man, if only because our culture now demands the opposite. There are a lot of people who’d rather boys remain boys, who believe that the strong, silent types are archaic and hurtful. They’re not. They’re needed. This world needs more men, men who will both love and fight, bend to God but never man, and dedicate their lives to standing for something bigger than themselves. Our country is defined not by its politicians or schools, not by opinions, but by the sort of men who walk its streets.
And to the wives of our children:
We don’t always show it, don’t always act it, but we take being the father of your children with the utmost seriousness. We work hard to provide for you, enduring things at our jobs that you cannot know because we don’t want to bother you with it. Yes, we know we should. But we also know that home is our haven, the one place where we can leave the world we hate for the world we love.
We’re quiet sometimes around our children. Withdrawn. We don’t mean to be. It’s just that they have managed to conjure within us a love we thought impossible, one that has taken us utterly by surprise. It’s a breathtaking love, what we feel for our children. And also frightening. Because we know what the world is like, we know what shadows lurk, and we know we are the ones responsible for keeping those shadows at bay.
Deep down, whether you know it or not, all we want is to be your knight. The one who protects you and our children, the one you feel safe with. All we do in life revolves around that one thought.
We want to be needed.
To be your hero.
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41 Responses to “In praise of fathers”
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I’m a writer whose first novel, Snow Day, will be published by FaithWords in 2010.
But don’t let that fool you. I’m just as confused as anyone.
And that is fine with me, because the great thing about wandering around in the fog is that you never know what you might run into.
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Deep down, whether you know it or not, all we want is to be your knight. The one who protects you and our children,
This whole post took my breath away! God bless you and your family
HAPPY FATHERS DAY!
This leaves me speechless, and needing my box of kleenex. Bless you on Fathers Day, and always.
Thanks for putting into words what so many fathers and husbands feel.
There is no handbook and I believe you are never fully prepared for the responsibility that being a father carries. Maybe that is why many men run from it. Even though we mess up and don't know how to handle all situations, it is far more beneficial to be present and fail than to be absent.
Your words to our daughters and sons were beautiful. I wish I communicated those feelings more clearly.
Your words to our wives equaled a fastball down the middle of the plate. We want to feel needed, respected and admired. Are we being the men that deserve it?
Thanks and Happy Father's Day.
I like this Father's Day perspective. As a daughter of a wonderful father, I have a great memory. As we stood at the end of 180ft aisle in the church, arm in arm, he whispered under his breath, "its not too late – we can turn around right now". He loved my husband to be, I am sure of that but he loved me more. It was his way of saying he loved me -no matter what. I am so grateful that I had him in my life.
Shalom,
Denise
Add me to the "breath taken away club"……
wow!
Happy Father's Day, Billy!
Without a doubt all your comments are true, however, I would like to add this thought. Being a father is like being a student and your child is the curriculum. That wouldn't be so hard except that the subject of your learning is constantly changing. (He-He)
Awesome! Perfectly stated and beautifully written!
I'm sharing it with our oldest daughter and husband!
Wishing you a blessed Father's Day Billy!
Thanks for sharing your heart with us! I can safely say we all value it and appreciate it!
Blessings,
Jill
Billy,
Happy Father's Day!
And I've wondered also why so many of the comments are from women. What cologne do your wear?
Larry E.
wow. That's all I can say. wow.
After I recovered from my initial laughing fit caused by imagining you kicking down the bathroom door Jack Bauer style, I was able to read the rest of the post.
Wonderful, awesome, perfect. Okay, I'll stop now. Don't want you getting the big head or anything…
Happy Father's Day, Billy. This is always a very difficult time for me – I miss my dad so very much and Father's Day weekend, more than any other, seems to twist my heart a bit more. If I could have just this weekend with him every year….
Children, love on your dads and honor them every single day. They simply won't be around forever. And when they're gone, your memories will be that much more precious and you will have no regrets.
Thank you for having a true "father's heart" and for communicating it so beautifully. May your Father's Day Weekend be blessed!
Breathtakingly beautiful Billy. I loved this. Thanks so much for sharing your fatherly thoughts with us.
Billy,
You nailed it with this one! I love what you have to say about why you guys are sometimes quiet around your children…. must be so hard to be the hero, the strong one when that love makes you so vulnerable.
Wonderful perspective as usual.
Blessings,
Tina
I may have shared this before, but I'll share it again anyway…
My mom and I were sitting in the hospital room with my Dad just after his surgery several years ago. Daddy's eyes were closed and we were under the impression that he wasn't conscious. It was a bit of a scary time and I whispered to my Mom, "I wish Owen (my fiancee) was here." All of a sudden, a deep voice rumbled from the bed, "You don't need Owen. You've got me."
Yep. Even all grown up, I'm his little princess. And when he has heart cath this Tuesday, I'll be there. Because he's my Daddy.
Not sure I want to imagine you going all Jack Bauer should your daughter get her head stuck between the slats on the staircase (such as my daughter did when she was 2)…Put down the chainsaw Billy!
Great post as always Billy (and I'm sure I know the secret as to why so many women followers.)
Wow. I think you just made me fall in love with my husband all over again. And ever more thankful toward my dad.
HAPPY FATHER'S DAY, BILLY!
I've got two sons, one 29 and the other 21. I never would have predicted it when they were 15, but they're both turning out to be pretty decent, responsible adults.
In spite of all my mistakes. I know what I did wrong. But I don't know what I did right.
Said another way: their mom did good. And I did good marrying their mom.
You are precious Billy. Happy Father's Day to you my friend. Your family is blessed to have you!
I will be sharing this post with my friends!
Love!
Beth
It's neat to hear from a father's perspective. Awesome post [always]. Happy Father's Day to you. God bless.
Happy Father's Day, Billy.
Well-said, all.
it would be nice if you really spoke for all fathers and husbands
there are daughters and wives less blessed than yours
God bless you for who you are
Happy Father's Day, Billy. Great post- thanks!
Thank you. That's all i can say.
Billy, My husband is my knight…. I love him for that… and many other reasons. I am one blessed woman. I know he would do all that he could to care for me and our children. He's shown what's in his heart time and time again, sometimes working two jobs at a time..
He is a man of great character.
My Dad was my champion. He fought hard to the end. It's my first Father's Day without him. My heart aches for one more day…one more conversation..one more "I love you, sweetie."
Loved this post as usual~
I'm emailing the link to this entry to my hubby.
*sniffle*
Happy Fathers Day!
I make Jesus laugh. I think you do too! I love your new picture and your post as always.
Happy Father's Day, BC!
You make me seriously think about giving up blogging and just setting my blog to redirect all traffic to your blog!
That was awesome.
You should write a book
Happy Fathers Day, to another guy who writes down everything he is thinking. Glad I am not the only one. And appreciate the heart that goes into your thoughts.
I don't have a son, so can't speak to that, but am with you on the daughters! And guess what mu daughter's card said today? "You are my hero"
Were you two conspiring?
It was awesome.
Happy Father's Day, Billy! I read this article to my Sunday School class this morning – you made some grown men cry – thank you!
I always marvel at your ability to segue from your wonderful sense of humor to such beautiful seriousness. Thank you for such a beautiful post, as always. Happy Father's Day.
Oh Billy, what a touching and very honest post about being a father. I enjoyed reading your open heart pour out the many ways you feel in rearing both your daughter and son, both with different expectations but both with the love of a father trying to raise them to be Godly men and women. And now I feel bad because I didn't even think about writing a post about Fathers Day but instead wrote about 'The Post Office at it's Best'. Shame on me. I regret not doing a posting on this myself. Ugh! You seem to be doing a great and aweoms job Billy in raising your kids to be the upright and healthy minded children with a loving home and mother and father who support and enjoy spending time with them. Praise God for you incredible expressions of love for your little ones.
Your sister in Christ,
~Sarah
Well said. This is the first time I've been by your blog and I just have to leave a comment. That is undoubtedly one of the best Father's Day tributes I've read. Thank you.
Happy Father's Day!
Dona
I have just joined the took my breath away club! Thanks Billy. As this day is ending what a wonderful post to ponder before closing my eyes.
Hello,
I came here because of a post on someone's blog….a man writing to us all about Father's Day?
I have to say that I was NOT disappointed, in fact I cried. You write so well…I wish I could write like this.
You are right…it is practically all women in blog-land. I am wondering how you started blogging.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
~Hope
A knight in shining armor saving a damsel for the high adventure that awaits her… that is the chivalry in men that women are looking for. It is never an outdated thing. That's what Jesus did.
You have a blog that's worth reading. It was the title that caught my attention.
Thanks!
Do we have to let them get married? I, mean, really?
Ok… so I am a guy and I am commenting. As I am in the minority, I demand my inalienable rights… I don't know what they are but I want them none-the-less.
I wonder if boys can grow up to be men with the boy still stuck inside and still be a good father. I still feel 17 inside my head… just not in my body.
As far as being a good daddy, it takes a certain amount of being scared to death about screwing it up. I am so thankful that my daughters love me so much that they still give me hugs and kisses… even though I am no longer cool.
Coffey.. is that like the drink, just spelled different?
Billy,
Completely riveting and moving in so many levels of sentiment. Thanks for something more than any Hallmark card could every hope to express.
Happy Father's Day!
Love and Hugs ~ Kat
Oooohhhh, Billy. So glad I went back and read this (my net was down – I nearly lost it). Such an incredibly moving and tender post. Thank you.
Billy, you're a great dad to those precious little kids.