A fate worse than death
July 22, 2009
Funeral homes rank just below hospitals as Worst Places I Want to Visit, and it’s still a pretty close race.
I didn’t like funeral homes because I was afraid of death. I was mournful of the pain the dead left behind. Like the pain felt by the wife left to tend to her family, the children left to mourn their lost innocence, and the parents who were burying their son. Parents who once found comfort in knowing they would pass first through the thin veil between this world and the next, but who were now left with the hard-won knowledge that it’s often the things we most take for granted in life that disappoint us in the end.
Standing in front of the open casket, I pondered who this person was. Son and brother. Soldier. Factory worker. Known to his family as Sweetheart and Dad, Lover and Best Friend. Lived a good life. Was a good man.
“It was so sudden, wasn’t it?” sobbed a stranger beside me.
I nodded to her. She was right. He left for the grocery store and offered a quick “Be back soon” to his family, but what came back was merely the earthen vessel I was looking down upon. One moment here, the next gone.
I moved on to others who represented a small portion of his friends and family, engaging myself in the polite and hushed conversations that funeral homes require. Small talk, mostly. Weather and crops first, which merged into recollections of the deceased second, which moved on to the sadness last.
Each exchange brought a variation of the sobbing woman beside me had said moments before.
“It was so sudden,” she had said.
“He passed so quickly.”
“He died far too young.”
“There was no warning.”
I listened to them all, keeping my answers brief. A Yes to the question of “Horrible, isn’t it?” A nod to “Such a shame.”
A shame, yes. Unfortunate and horrible. But as I looked upon the solemn faces of the gathered, I realized there was far worse shame and misfortune in this life. Far worse horrors.
Should the quickness of a death that must come to us all be cause for added grief? Perhaps. But perhaps it would do us all well to remember that the next moment is never guaranteed. And perhaps it would do us all well to know there is a death worse than what I experienced in that room. One that does not strike with speed, but numbness.
Far worse than the buried dead are those who have perished and yet still walk. Those who have yielded to the crushing weight of the world, who have surrendered their hopes and dreams to the arid winds of despair. Who have seen too much darkness and so surrendered their light, believing it to be too faint to matter.
That life must simply be endured is among the worst of lies. We are not merely to tolerate this world, but overcome it. We are called not to plod on, but to laugh and skip.
This is our duty. Our charge. And to fail is to fail both ourselves and our God. It is to meet the end before our ending. That is the worst death. Not the one that robs the body of its soul, but the heart of its passion.
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I’m a writer whose first novel, Snow Day, will be published by FaithWords in 2010.
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Amazing post. It's hard to see the light in the shadows death leaves behind. I hope the family is able to do so in the days ahead.
Heart in my throat.
Can hardly find words; thank you for finding them for me …
"…those who have perished and yet still walk. Those who have yielded to the crushing weight of the world, who have surrendered their hopes and dreams to the arid winds of despair. Who have seen too much darkness and so surrendered their light, believing it to be too faint to matter."
Those are exactly the people I'm looking for…who we should all be looking for. To help. Because Lord knows they need us.
I am sorry for your loss.
Yes.
Those who have perished yet still walk. I found a young woman like that just tonight and knew that I needed to help her find life again. Many others held me up and helped me up again. Thanks for reinforcing my task at hand. Sorry for your loss.
Amen, amen.
Your last paragraph is something worth jotting down on a scrap of paper and tucking into the bathroom mirror… Read it and pray for its reflection to be gazing back, each day.
I came from a funeral yesterday of a family member who went to bed healthy, and never woke up. Today I am heading out for a funeral of a 5 year old boy who has been fighting cancer for four months.
Both lived full lives, but lives way too short for the rest of us. Both I know have gone to a better place, but both are going to be missed. I will grieve for them, but I will really grieve for their loved ones, and pray that this death doesn't rob them of a full life.
Great, as usual, Billy. None of us like funerals, but you've given us something to think about.
Beautiful Billy!
A perfect title – a fate worse than death is to never know LIFE!
Oh how I pray for those who have fallen prey to this world and all its empty promises.
Oh how my heart aches for everyone I know and don't that has yet to experience the comfort and peace in His love.
Oh how I pray for this family and the ones mentioned in your comments – that they go to Him and find the full life that He has for them and the great lessons to be learned by needing Him so desperately for every breath they take for years to come. Each breath will be filled with His power, His might, His strength, His grace and most importantly His love!
Billy, may we all wake up and stop allowing days to go by where we allow others a fate worse than death – to die for all eternity separated from The One who created us all!
Blessings and love,
Jill
Amazing.
"…those who have perished and yet still walk. Those who have yielded to the crushing weight of the world, who have surrendered their hopes and dreams to the arid winds of despair. Who have seen too much darkness and so surrendered their light, believing it to be too faint to matter."
Wow.
Billy,
Good lessons in both this and the Carnival post. Also interesting your interview about "The Call".
That in itself is a good lesson in persistence.
Larry E.
I've felt the devastation and desolation of losing those around you far sooner than you were prepared to lose them… It will crush you and kill you if you let it. But this morning, I was reminded of this hope:
"But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that his life make be revealed in our mortal body. So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you." (2 Corinthians 4:7-12)
Billy, I sing at funerals all the time, and honestly, I love to do it- moreso than singing in the church. I love reaching out to the very people you describe here- at a time when words may not mean as much, a soothing hymn can bring comfort and hope and I'm glad to be the instrument used to do it.
This was a beautiful post.
I truly love funerals when they are a celebration of life – I just don't like the funeral home thing the day before. Please dear God, when I go, make me go like a bubble in the wind. I'm scared like that, because I watched my dad "go" for 3 years.
This was beautiful. I wonder if my dad understood? He could never articulate….
"We cannot put off living until we are ready. The most salient characteristics of life is its coerciveness: it is always urgent, here and now, without any possible postponement. Life is fired at us point blank."
- Ortega Y'Gasset
Great post, Billy. One of my favorites.
Great post, Billy. I like when you said, "To face our struggles with steeled eyes and iron will." With God by our side, we can do it.
You always leave me thinking…thank you!
Beautifully said!
great post…
"Far worse than the buried dead are those who have perished and yet still walk. Those who have yielded to the crushing weight of the world, who have surrendered their hopes and dreams to the arid winds of despair. Who have seen too much darkness and so surrendered their light, believing it to be too faint to matter."
So true and there are so many people out there like this, many of them are young people. Hopefully we reach out to these people.
Amen Billy, A life lived in fear of the unknown. Life lived without taking chance or moving forward. Life lived in fear of challenges. This is the walking Death, as you said. Loved this post, inspiring!
Keep writing Billy!!
Great post, Billy.
Great post, Billy, even though so sad. You expressed beautifully what our hearts try to ponder in those times, but our minds have such a difficult time formulating the words.
I love this that you wrote:
" To feel pain instead of ignoring it, if only so that pain can turn to greater joy. To face our struggles with steeled eyes and iron will. To take the arrows of circumstance in our chests, marching forward, and not our backs in retreat."
Oh, but to LIVE life while we can, even when it's not easy, only to know the true joy of doing so!
Absolutely right. Live with a sense of urgency, surrendering to God in all those moments that end up making up our lives… great stuff.
"That life must simply be endured is among the worst of lies…This is our duty. Our charge. And to fail is to fail both ourselves and our God. It is to meet the end before our ending. That is the worst death. Not the one that robs the body of its soul, but the heart of its passion."
To move forward while taking shots in the chest, not in the back…hmmm!
The past 10 days I have spent a pile of time continuing to forge on in the heat of battle. This post quickens my step, re-focuses my attention on Christ, and re-energizes my purpose in this life.
Thanks, brother!
Grace and Peace!
Billy,
Another heart pulling post! I too grieve not only for those left behind who are faced to deal with death's challenges that remain long after someone is buried. The holidays, the empty bed, the years long lost and so many what if's!
Life is too short and our expiration date is never known. We need to live it with the knowledge that this world is just a temporary place and work towards our eternal one. Without that we don't have a life but an existence!
Love and Hugs ~ Kat
POWERFUL.
"Far worse than the buried dead are those who have perished and yet still walk."
I see those every time I go to my workplace. It is sad to see that many, many are still spiritually dead. All I can do is for the Lord to penetrate these people's hearts.
God bless.
Oh yes! "That life must simply be endured is among the worst of lies". How true! Christ never said he came to give us abundant life after we die. It's here now for the taking. Love, hope, grieve…but most of all live.
Wow, Billy so beautifully stated. A profound word!!!
Billy, sorry to post OT but big congrats on landing an agent. And Rachelle? How awesome is that? Much love and God speed!
Deep dude.
Scarily deep!
Thanks, Billy.
Very timely post. We've dealt with a bit of this at my house with the death of someone, and have asked many of the same questions and come to the same conclusions. It's nice to have concurrence on what's going on in your head. Thanks for sharing.
BTW, I did link to your post. You're a bit more eloquent than I am.
Amazing post, Billy. I'm catching up on your blog today after a week out of town, but this post could not have been more appropriate for this moment.
I've been with my mom all week after the unexpected death of her older brother. At age 59, my uncle died in a car accident last Saturday. But really, he left us a few years ago when he began to give up and allow his circumstances to choke out his joy.
This was good for me to read today. That kind of death is a fate I never want to face.
If the hairs on our head our numbered and all God's works are known to Him (Acts 15:18), then is it possible to surprise God by an early death? I've asked that question quite a lot and have tried a number of answers. Either way, though the tragedy isn't removed, neither is the comfort of know the decrees of God about my hairs and my days. I think in the end the winner/outcome of the Cosmic battle was never in question. Maybe I can live and die by that.