Billy Coffey
Billy Coffey

A good day

July 23, 2009  

Nothing says father/son bonding time quite like throwing stuff into a creek. Rocks, leaves, twigs, dirt, leftover acorns, whatever. There are few restrictions. So long as God made it and people didn’t, it’s considered current fodder.

We’re men, my son and I. And even at his young age, he feels the same male tendencies as his father. Which means that any talk, no matter how serious, must be done under the cover of some activity that will dull the sneaky suspicion that something is being shared.

Men are generally fickle when it comes to sharing. Tools and trucks are one thing. Thoughts and feelings are quite another. The former will be doled out to any and all, but the latter is reserved for only those closest to us. And then only maybe.

My son lifts a rock the size of a softball and heaves it into the water. The resulting splash covered the bottoms of our jeans and most of the wildflowers on the opposite side.

“Nice one,” I say.

With bellies full of dinner and the sun yawning over the mountains, this is the time of day when a certain amount of reflection is in order.

“How’s your day, bud?” I ask.

“I dunno,” he answers, this time dropping a handful of pebbles into the water, giving the sound of a miniature machine gun.

“Didn’t you have a good day?” I ask.

“Dunno,” he says again, now plopping a twig into the current and marveling as it gets marooned in a small whirlpool.

Like I said, thoughts and feelings are not the normal male’s strong suit. Better to throw stuff and make big splashes.

Then, just as I’m about to toss another rock as well, he says, “Daddy, what’s a good day?”

What’s a good day? What kind of a question is that?

Then again, when you’re four years old and enjoying a lazy summer of sleeping in, eating sno-cones, and throwing stuff in the creek, it’s easy to misplace the notion of what makes a good day. Because that’s what every day is.

Grow up, however, and that all changes. There are bad days aplenty. Sure, there are some who say every sunrise is cause for celebration. Every day is a good day. And to them I say bull. I’ve had some truly awful days in my life, and having the knowledge that I was alive to face them did nothing to make things better.

Still, whether a day is good or bad is not just a matter of whim and circumstance. Certain ingredients are necessary. Ingredients we must add in equal portion and in a timely manner that determine whether our days rise or fall.

“What’d you do today?” I ask him.

“Stuff,” he says, crouching down to stare at the minnows.

“Like what?”

“I watched cartoons until mommy said to play, then I played until I tripped over my Buzz Lightyear. That hurt. I cried a little.”

“That’s okay,” I tell him.

“Then mommy said to clean my room, so I did. It was a mess, daddy. And then I helped her snap the beans. Then we ate lunch, and I said the prayer. And then I took a nap. Did that mean I had a good day?”

I think about that while we toss more rocks into the water.

We believe that a day is good as long as it’s filled with more excellence than failure. Lots of sunshine, little rain. But I don’t think so. I think a good day is one that achieves a certain balance, one that allows us to see as big a glimpse of life as we can get in twenty-four hours.

A balance like laughing at cartoons and crying over a stubbed toe. Because seeing the joy in life doesn’t always mean avoiding the pain. Sometimes it means crying first and laughing second.

Or a balance like doing for yourself like cleaning your room, but also doing for others like snapping some beans.

It can be a balance like playing hard and resting easy.

And both acting and praying.

Balance. Yes. That’s what makes a good day. Which I guess places most of the responsibility on our shoulders, because in the end our lives depend much more upon what we do than what is done to us.

He tosses one more rock into the creek and looks at me for approval.

“I think you had a great day,” I say.

Share and Enjoy:
  • Print this article!
  • Digg
  • Sphinn
  • del.icio.us
  • Facebook
  • Mixx
  • Google Bookmarks
  • StumbleUpon
  • Technorati
  • Twitter

Filed under: Uncategorized
Tagged:

Comments

  • Helen

    I think it is great that you are teaching your son to how to share his thoughts with you.

  • Lauryn Abbott

    It sounds like it was a good day! Balance – it really is something I strive for. Thanks for sharing more of your words of wisdom. Blessings!

  • Lianne

    Reading another awesome Billy post = a very good day.

  • Denise

    You are such an awesome dad, bless you.

  • Shark Bait

    Any day that involves throwing rocks is a good day.

    Unless some fish were harmed in the making of this post.

    I'm just saying.

    <-SB><

  • Anne L.B.

    You know, I realized this morning that I've started holding my breath when I read your posts, just in case you're about to throw a punch like "A Fate Worse Than Death" or "Second Biggest Lie."

    Then like today, you sometimes give an answer as when Dorothy, at the end of The Wizard of Oz, says, "Why I had the answer all along"–and just needs the right person to point it out.

  • Blessed Mom of 8

    Aren't all days good days when our children allow us the time into their hearts?

    Aren't all days good days knowing that we are opening the doors of heaven for them and blessed by watching them walk through them?

    Aren't all days good days knowing that each step they take is with child like faith – as they trust in what we say and look to us for approval?

    Just as your children are doing with you. They are learning by all of your examples that real love does exist. That God's love is even greater and that they matter. Nothing is worth more than that!

    What a great Dad you are Billy!

    Blessings to your weekend!
    Jill

  • April

    The life lessons you're teaching your children AND all of us are ones we'll remember always. THANK YOU!

  • Candace Jean July 16

    That apple will land very close to the tree – and what a beautiful thing. Beautifully said, Billy.

  • Sarah Salter

    Throwing stuff into a creek to see who can make the biggest splash? Hmm. Now there's something I've never thought of doing for fun. But then, I'm so lame I can't even skip rocks across the water.

  • Matt @ The Church of No People

    First, throwing stuff in a creek = awesome.

    Second, every sunrise is cause for celebration…because you don't know how lousy your day might be! And every sunset is cause for celebration because your lousy day is over! :)

    I like to be an optimist.

  • Terri Tiffany

    How do you come up with such good stories each day? I loved this one and the truth you found again in a simple act.

  • Beth E.

    Sounds like a great day to me! Anytime there are sticks, rocks, and dirt involved, my guys (all THREE of them) are happy – even as adults. LOL

    Balance is greatly lacking in my life these days, with the stress of getting our youngest ready for college (there is a tremendous amount of paperwork and preparation involved), but that's only temporary. I'm believing that once both boys are in school that hubby and I will experience a new balance in our lives as empty-nesters.

    Great post, Billy, as always. Have a great weekend!

  • Annie K

    Any day with a nap in it is a good one.

    Great post Billy!

  • Daveda

    Great post! Thanks for reminding me that males do not have a natural inclination to "share". I have three sons, and a husband…some days I wish they would all just open up. But, as you said, males are different in this area. I am thankful that God continues to show me how to relate to them and create an environment where they feel comfortable doing this; when they feel like it that is. *smile*

    Have a great weekend, Billy!

  • Luke

    So, so good.

    ~Luke

  • Laura

    Precious moments.

    Your son is blessed to have a daddy who takes the time to ask…and listen to the answer.

    Thanks for sharing this little picture of your world, Billy.

  • Sockrma18

    I gotta agree with Annie K. – Any day where a nap is involved is a good day. :0)

    I just got an email about an interview that Rick Warren did recentky. He was talking about how he used to think life was full of ups and downs, valleys and mountain tops. He now sees life as a set of railroad tracks. Good things are happening right next to the bad things all at the same time. It's called life. So….in my mind, I'm thinkin' a good day is good when it's filled with life and we can still thank God for the good stuff.

    Awesome post, Billy.

    Click
    P.S. GO METS. :0)

  • KM Wilsher

    What an awesome day :)

  • katdish

    Sheesh! You overanalyze EVERYTHING!

    Oh, you know I'm kidding…

    And Candy is right, your kids will model your parenting, and that is a very good thing in this case.

  • Jeanne Damoff

    Look at you, setting ripples in motion again.

    My definition of a good day is loving and being loved. In that sense, I imagine all your days must be very, very good.

  • Joanne Sher

    Love this, as usual. Balance IS the key. Your wisdom is always worth passing on.

  • Angie Vik

    Enjoyed reading your post. I like the idea of balance. Thanks for taking the time to share your thoughts with others. God bless.

  • jasonS

    Very good. I like how you address people's denial. They say every day is good as if nothing challenging or bad happens, but they don't live it. That's not faith, it's delusion. Faith takes it all in, good and bad, shows us the balance and trusts God through it all because we realize He's showing us something about Himself. Love it.

  • Caroline

    Thanks Billy, that helped me make sense of the day I had yesterday. When I reflect upon it you really have to look for the balance in it. I can get caught up in focusing on the bad of the day. Now I can look for the balance. I had a bad spell part of the afternoon, then later in the day God sent someone to say something lovely.

  • lynnrush

    Nice!!!! Spot on, Billy.

  • HisFireFly

    Lynn Rush twittered about this post and I'm blessed to have listened. I've become a follower now.

    Well said. Well said.

  • Heart2Heart

    I think good days are days spent with the ones you love, just spending time with them and loving them the very best you can!

    This will be one of those times that your son will look back at and remember! It will be one of his prized memories!

    Love and Hugs ~ Kat

  • christy rose

    What is good anyway?

    When using the word as in a "good day," Webster defines good as "pleasant and desirable." so, if what has happened in your day is balanced, as you say, with pleasantness, then you would be having a good day.

    Scripture defines it as "virtuous and free from sin, infirmity or sorrow"

    Before Jesus, we had no hope of being good or having good in our day. Romans 3:10 says, "there is none good, no, not one."

    But, if we have accepted Jesus then I guess we could say that every day is "good" because of what He has done for us, removed our sin and made us good. This would send the balance way far in the "good" direction. Could enough bad things happen in one day to even out the scale or topple it the other direction?

    Sometimes it feels as if it does. That is for sure! But the Truth is, for us believers in Christ, the work of Jesus in and for us makes every day balanced and good. Whether we experience it or not depends on what our eyes are gazing upon,(the Good, the bad, or the ugly!) :) Because the good in us always outweighs the bad around us!

    That might be a little difficult to explain to a 4 year old. :) Maybe like this: "Does Jesus live in your heart? Then every day is good because His goodness far outweighs any unpleasant thing that can happen in any day!"

    I loved reading about your time with your son! I like it when you share about your relationships with your family.

    Thanks for sharing you again!
    Christy

  • T. Anne

    Billy, you are amazing.

  • Chatty Kelly

    Reading your blog feels like sitting on a park bench in spring. It's comfortable, pleasant, enjoyable. I just love it.

    Keep up the great work!

  • twofinches

    Jesus used parables just like this to teach truth…you have a knack for doing the same…may God bless your talents and guide you in the way you need to use them for HIs glory!

  • lynnmosher

    Hey, Billy-boy! You have such a precious heart for teaching your precious little one. God has given you an awesome gift for seeing heavenly messages in the simple things in life. Thank you for sharing your wonderful gift with all of us. Blessings to you!

  • Jennifer

    But it's amazing how one small thing can tip the balanace to be a "good" day, like an intimate conversation with your child or throwing rocks in a creekbed.

  • Carrie

    Thank you so much for this wonderful piece. I feel like it was written for me! Your definition of a "good day" has helped me reframe a challenging stretch of time. This was truly a good gift.

  • RickNiekLikeBikes

    Every day is the day the Lord has made. I will rejoice and be glad in it–despite the bad day.

    That much I can say.

  • Kate

    Billy, the Carrie a couple comments up is my mom. She really LOVED your post. She emailed it to h
    I appreciated the reframing as well. Tomorrow's post on my blog was written after reading yours. (Though the connection might not be blatantly obvious.) Finding the balance between hard and good is tough enough, but being able to embrace it on a daily basis would be truly remarkable.