Billy Coffey
Billy Coffey

The writing life

July 6, 2009  

My son is reaching that age when Mommy does not become less relevant, just less needed. Meanwhile, I’m becoming more of a fixture in his mind.

There has been recent evidence of this, too. Batman shirts and cargo shorts are being replaced by faded jeans and black Ts. Cartoons are giving way to baseball games. His Iron Man hat has been exchanged for a spiffy black cowboy one.

But most telling is the fact that he has begun carrying around a notebook and pen in his back pocket.

I take paper and pen with me wherever I go, mostly because I have the memory of a fruit fly. You never know when something worthy of writing down will happen, and there is no worse hell than witnessing something good that you know you’ll forget.

So when I pulled my own notebook from my back pocket yesterday and proceeded to write something down, my son did the same.

“What’cha doin’ there?” I asked him.

“I need to get this down,” he said.

“Get what down?”

He looked at me, confused. “…I don’t know,” he shrugged.

I nodded. “Don’t worry,” I told him. “I have the same problem sometimes.”

I rose from the table to take a look at his work. Squiggly lines mostly, along with a few numbers, three exclamation points, and a smiley face. Standard five-year-old fare.

“Whaddaya think?” he asked.

“I think It’s brilliant,” I said. “Can I copy that down and use it?”

“Yes!”

I rubbed his head, grabbed my own notebook, and began writing.

“Daddy?” he asked, peering at me.

“Yeah, bud?”

“I’m gonna be a writer when I grow up. You know, like you.”

My pen stopped.

“Oh, yeah?”

“Yeah. I like to write. Writin’s fun.”

I stared at him, unsure of what to say. I settled on, “Well, you have plenty of time to figure that out.”

The answer was good enough for him to accept. He gathered his notebook and pen and left me to ponder what he’d just said.

My son sat down one day three years ago with a sheet of paper and a blue crayon, and something very special happened. He put the latter on the former and made a blue streak from top left to bottom right. Magic. And when he scurried off and came back to that sheet of paper an hour later, he found more magic—that streak was still there.

And though one important truth was incomprehensible to him at the time, I knew he was creeping ever towards it: if he wrote, he could always leave something behind for others to remember.

That, in a broad sense, is why many writers write. To plant a sign into the hard earth that says I Was Here. To know that to someone somewhere, what you say matters.

I had to admit that what my son said was true. Writing is fun. As frightening as a blank sheet of paper or a computer screen bathed in white was, it was also marvelous—a canvas upon which to paint my story and a map by which to explore my world.

But I knew what he did not—writing was sometimes also not fun. Writing is work. Difficult, exhausting, painful work. It takes courage to look genuinely, whether into life or your own heart, and more courage to share what you find with others. To write is to bare your deepest self, naked of sham and disguise.

It is lonely work, a solitary walk through a land of light and shadow. The writing life is one full of irony in that by exposing yourself to the world you inadvertently construct walls around you to keep the world away. And though you may indeed be surrounded by friends and loved ones, you know that in the end you are utterly and completely alone. You write. They do not. That gulf is not easily bridged.

Because for many of us writing is not a job, but neither is it a hobby. It goes deeper than that, permeating every aspect of our lives. Every conversation, every face, every moment bear is seen through the lens of the page. We ply our trade from the moment we wake until the moment we sleep, and often even our dreams are grist for the mill.

Success is fleeting. Failure is constant. You are turned away by agents and editors, gatekeepers of your aspirations, and deemed unworthy of your dreams. You struggle though doubt and fear. You drown in desperation.

You face the agony of knowing that no matter what you manage to get down on the page, you will never feel as though you’ve gotten it down just right.

And I was left with this one question: was that the life I wanted for my son?

Yes.

Because despite it all, there is to me no greater pursuit in life than the search for meaning, and no other way to chart those undiscovered lands within us than with pen as our compass and paper as our sail.

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Comments

  • Keystone

    It was early Spring, 1992. I was in church. The pastor said "I want you to think a moment on your favorite gift from Christmas.

    Oh wait!
    Not last Christmas….scratch that from your mind.

    I want you to think about your favorite gift from Christmas of….. 1989.

    Blank stares arose as people struggled to recall.
    It was only a few years ago, he continued.

    At the time you got the gift, you opened it up, and likely exclaimed to the giver "Oh Thank You…this is just what I wanted".
    "I'll NEVER forget this!"

    Yet, within three short years, your favorite Christmas gift of 1989 can not be recalled for most of you.
    Do you know why?
    BECAUSE you didn't write it down! You forgot.

    I have a gift for you in my message today and I do not want you to forget it, so take out your pens and write it down.

    Pens came out everywhere.

    It is 2009.

    Isn't it amazing that I can recall this intro and the sermon almost verbatim, from nearly two decades ago?

    I wrote it down.

  • Warren Baldwin

    You are mentoring and modeling, and doing a good job of it. I still have papers and even saved computer files of "work" my kids produced when they would visit me at the office when they were five.

    "Success is fleeting; failure is constant." A succinct, poetic way of expressing a deep and painful truth. Fortunately, we can decide that we won't let the failure be constant.
    wb

  • katdish

    I don't think you ever choose to be a writer, I think writing chooses you. And writing made a very wise choice, Mr. Coffey. You are among my favorites, published or otherwise.

    I've read more books than my kids have had hot meals, so that's saying something there.

    Also? I'm almost never wrong, but you already knew that…

  • Lauryn Abbott

    Great truths written here, Billy. I believe that it is a good thing indeed, for your son to follow in your footsteps. We writers are an odd breed, it's not just what we do, it's who we are. Yes, it can be frustrating, discouraging and lonely at times, but it is also amazing, wonderful and thoroughly fulfilling too. Blessings!

  • Elaina M. Avalos

    "Because despite it all, there is to me no greater pursuit in life than the search for meaning, and no other way to chart those undiscovered lands within us than with pen as our compass and paper as our sail."

    So very true. And yet, for far too long, I let the fear of the rejections (not even the actual rejections, just the possibility of them) keep me from setting sail on that journey. It is fun. That is true. But for me, I think it only became fun when I cast the fears and worries aside and went for it.

  • Shark Bait

    "Writing is easy. All you to do is sit down in front of a blank page, and open a vein"

    I can't remember who said that (because I didn't write it down) but as an avid writer I think it is very true.

  • Joanne Sher

    This is me. My heart–expressed so much more clearly than I ever could. Thank you

  • Nitewrit

    Billy,

    Man, you nailed it!

    Larry E.

  • Candace Jean July 16

    Dang, you did it again. Conjured up a memory, but it's a bit fuzzy and I wish I'd have written it down.

    You are a great man for a young boy to mimic. You should be very proud.

  • Annie K

    I believe everyone has a gift and God gave you writing. You are blessed to have realized that at your young age (wink) because countless others still searching to figure out what theirs is.

  • A Simple Country Girl

    Seems the topic of writing is contagious. How could you capture so much of my heart, here? And so much of my life too? Pencil-n-paper people, cowboy hats, ages, and all that…

    Of course I would not be nodding my head and heart in agreement, had you not put pen to paper today.

  • Jo@Mylestones

    I echo Nitewrit–you nailed it.

    "It is lonely work, a solitary walk through a land of light and shadow. The writing life is one full of irony in that by exposing yourself to the world you inadvertently construct walls around you to keep the world away."

    Yes!!

  • Chatty Kelly

    I just loved this as I related to it on SO many different levels.

    The memory of a fruit fly? Yes.
    The pad of paper? Yes.
    A 5 yr old? Yes (daughter)
    Emulating me always? Yes.
    Constant rejection as a writer? Yes.
    Fleeting successes? Yes.
    Love writing? YES!

    Oh yes, I related to this post so much! Thanks for writing it.

  • Helen

    Billy, you are an awesome writer. Don't let agents and editors discourage you. Your work is art, not fashion. Agents and editors are looking for books that will sell fast, because the topic is trendy. Your writing Sir, is not trendy, but classic. It is a shame that the gatekeepers aren't at all looking to publish an author who will inspire people for generations, instead of become the newest and latest thing.

  • katdish

    What Helen said…

  • mom2six

    Because I also have the "memory of a fruit fly" I have written in a journal for years (like almost twenty years). I have not always been consistent, thanks to six children coming along, but I have stacks of journals. Words written to remember, my life, our life, God's life pouring in. Now I have turned that writing into a blog for anyone to read. Why? Probably "To plant a sign into the hard earth that says I Was Here. To know that to someone somewhere, what you say matters." Your writing is a gift – thanks for sharing!

  • RCUBEs

    You had commented on my site, not just once "how you believed that God had placed me in a workplace where He wanted me to be. No doubt!"

    I wanted to say that right back at you. The moment I had entered your site, I knew that God had planted in your heart this awesome talent of writing.

    I think it's great that your son seems to be following his dad's path.

    God knew that if things are written, they would never get lost. Despite fires, and any attempts to stop His Words from spreading, the Bible is still the no.1 sold-out book! He could have used the computer [He is God!], could have used any other means. But He chose to have His Word written down and it looked like one of his sons [you] chose to follow that path.

  • sherri

    Write on Billy! Write on!

    Writers and musicians…two of the most powerful, influential professions one can pursue. Whether or not "success" is found, one remains a writer or musician, nonetheless. It is WHo they are, not what they do.

  • April

    Hi Billy!
    I've been keeping journals since I was in 5th grade. I became, especially, "addicted" to it when I found out I was pregnant with Brittany. I've kept journals for myself and for each of my girls from the day I learned I was pregnant. I wouldn't trade the memories I've captured in written word for anything in the world. My plan is to give each of my girls the journals I've kept for them on their wedding day.

  • Pam at beyondjustmom

    What a beautiful model you are for your children. It's so fun to share that passion with them, isn't it?
    I love your daily, down-to-earth inspiration.
    Thank you.

  • Rosslyn Elliott

    Helen – Never fear. I don't think all the gatekeepers are going to say no forever. (I'm not claiming any inside info, just stating my faith in Billy's writing and work ethic!)

    This is a beautiful post, Billy, and one that I relate to on a deep level. My daughter is in many ways a "mini-me," and so I think it's very likely that she will end up as a writer of some kind. When words matter to a young child and she regularly composes stories on the computer, it's a big hint!

  • The Homefront

    Some of my favorite memories are moments when I've conjured something from thin air onto paper…and liked it. That doesn't happen all that often, but I think we as writers live for the times that it does. Is it opening a vein? An addiction? A piece of the soul? A talent? A calling?

    Haven't figured that out yet. All I know is, I can't live without the written word, and the only way to converse with it is to add to it in its own language. That's why I write.

    I love that your son is already so excited about writing. In the end it's not the editors who matter…it's that a piece of ourselves is there, outside us. A little like children, isn't it? ;)

  • lynnrush

    Right on, Kat: "I think writing chooses you."

    I never ever thought I'd be writing novels. Ask anyone who knew me growing up, and even up until a few years ago and they'd be, like, "Huh? You write?"

    It chooses you. It's a God thing.

    Great post, Billy.

  • Heart2Heart

    Billy,

    Thank you for teaching me that what I am attempting to do is right for me. I needed to hear that from someone I look up to and admire.

    Love and Hugs ~ Kat

  • Beth E.

    What a precious post. I, too, have the memory of a fruit fly…I love that line! Haha

    I began writing my blog as a means of recording my thoughts….goofy, or otherwise. Not because I believe that what I have to say is meaningful or important to anyone else. I just want to leave something for my kids after I'm gone.

    I'm thinking about having my posts printed into a book. Have you considered that? What an awesome gift that would be for your family. Beth at I'm Heading Toward My Destiny recently had bound copies made of her blogs. You should consider doing that!

    Blessings,
    Beth

  • Marybeth Poppins

    I find my daughter writing constantly these days. And in the car she entertains her brothers with made up stories about whatever comes into her little head. I'd like to think she just wants to be like me, but I'm pretty sure the writing bug has bit her! Great blog :)

  • Chatty Kelly

    So you got the call. Awesome. Congrats!!!

  • Kenny

    Wow dude, you take me back to places I've never been. Thanks again for sharing your gift.

  • Denise

    Such great words spoken here, bless you.

  • Blessed Mom of 8

    AMEN BILLY! AMEN!

    From one writer to another – AMEN!

    You do it so beautifully! What a gift you are giving your children :)

    Thanks for sharing it with us :)

    Blessings – Jill

  • Julie

    Billy you could not have written it more beautifully… I loved every word. I felt as if you were writing my heart. LONELY… yes sometimes it's what makes my heart ache… But the words I find in the midst… ah,it's worth it… I thought I was the only one lonely…

    I feel that those who read what I write embrace me. It is my heart written for any and all who will read. I can't NOT write. I've tried. The passion for words runs so deep that it seeps out of me even when I try to hold it hidden away.

    I could identify with this post completely.

    It stirred my soul…because I see that someone "gets" what's inside me as I write. It makes me think of Erik Liddel's words in Chariots of Fire.. explaining to his sister why he had to run. "Jinny, When I run, I feel His pleasure."

    I have to write, for when I write I feel His pleasure.

    Thanks, Billy for this!

  • Daveda

    I love what you write, Billy, and how you write it. You truly have a gift.

    I have three sons and sadly :( , yet rightly so, what you say is true, they do tend to gravitate towards their daddies.

    I can relate to a writers life being lonely. As I sit at my desk, table or where ever my heart desire to work on my manuscript, I at times find myself thinking "I wish there was someone to share this with. I wish I had a writing team that was connected at the heart, this would be so much more fun."

    But, then I realize that the One whom I desire to be connected to most deeply, is there with me. When I am writing I at times feel the Holy Spirit fill my heart with words and understanding that seem to flow out of my finger tips, onto the page before me. When I return to my written words hours, days, weeks or even months later and they stir something deep inside, I smile to myself and I know that this is who I am. This is who God created me to be, to do. It is Him and I and a blank page waiting for His thoughts to overflow and fill in the empty space upon it.

    Great Post!

  • Tina Dee Books

    "You face the agony of knowing that no matter what you manage to get down on the page, you will never feel as though you’ve gotten it down just right."

    YES! That's the Stop sign for me. I've put off my chapter all day. Got it plotted out, got the characters, the setting, sensory details…I just haven't had the guts today. And all for that very reason. It will never be just right.

    Guess I better go get it as right as I can though. Thanks for the post Billy, and the nudge that came with it.

  • Lianne

    As a fledgling writer, I needed to hear this today! (How is it that you wrote a post about writing and it still makes me tear up a little? You are too gifted!)

  • Rosslyn Elliott

    Billy – I played some variations on this topic today on my own blog, and linked back to you. Thanks for the inspiration!

  • Caroline

    I echo what Helen said, "Your writing Sir, is not trendy but classic" wholeheartedly.
    Thanks Julie for your quote from Chariots of Fire, that was a blessing.

  • Chris Sullivan

    I don't know why I write other than an unmistakable feeling that I'm supposed to. A nudge that says I know you don't know why you are doing this but this is where I want you.

  • christy rose

    So many encouraging comments! Mine seems to be unnecessary! But! I can't seem to go by without saying that all your friends who read your writings here know you are gifted from the Creator to touch others with your heart. You do it well!
    I think it is wonderful that your son is a chip of the ol' block! Write on Billy! Write on! :)

  • Tea With Tiffany

    I too carry pen and paper most everywhere I go. I understand fruit fly sized memory. I'm there.

    I deeply understand the journey of writing. I often waver and I've quit many projects. But somewhere in the process, I feel God's pleasure.

    Bravo, brother. You are living by His design. And your son is following. Beautiful.

  • RickNiekLikeBikes

    Life on paper is living way outside the box. Your son can only benefit.