Toward the sunrise
July 16, 2009
Funny thing, I actually spoke with Carla a few weeks ago on Facebook. Carla’s not her real name, by the way. My idea, not hers. I’m pretty sure none of my ex-girlfriends would actually admit to dating me, so I decided to spare her the humility…
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Her name was Carla, and God had made her just for me. I knew that from the moment I first saw her in Mrs. Harrison’s third grade class. And it was confirmed five years later when I accompanied her to the eighth grade dance.
A big deal, that dance. Held the week before summer vacation. The next year would be high school, which meant all of us would take a tumble down the hard-climbed mountain of acceptance. Eighth grade was the pinnacle of middle school. Ninth grade was the bottom rung on high school’s ladder. So we danced that night on the edge of where the two met.
It was understood among the eighth grade class that Carla and I were a couple. I never actually made that official, mostly because I was ignorant of the proper protocol. I was always a little clumsy around the girls.
But it’s amazing what a tuxedo can do for a guy’s confidence. I stalked around the gymnasium that night like Sonny freaking Crockett, calm and cool and gentlemanly with my date. I was impressive. So impressive that I left Carla’s doorstep that night with her unlisted phone number and a promise that I’d call over the summer.
In my defense, I tried. But the seven digits that were firmly lodged in my mind were evidently the wrong ones. I tried to call Carla the first day of summer vacation, and the nice mechanical operator coldly informed me that the number I had dialed was not in service and to please try again.
I’ve heard insanity defined as performing the same task over and over again and expecting a different result. If that’s true, then that was the summer I went insane. I called Carla dozens of times over the next weeks, and all I got for my efforts was much disappointment and more than a little frustration.
The lone bright spot of the whole situation was the fact that the town carnival would be starting in a few weeks. Everyone came to the carnival. It was the social event of the summer. I would see her there, get the whole phone number thing straightened out, and move on together. No worries.
Good news: I did see Carla there. Bad news: she was with another guy.
I remember walking home in utter confusion. Not over the fact that the love of my life was now evidently the love of someone else’s, but over the fact that the whole thing was bothering me so much. My pulse was racing, my head was pounding, and my heart felt…bruised.
No, worse than bruised.
Broken.
Yes. That was it. Carla had broken my heart.
Just as my luck would have it, when school started two months later Carla had the seat right in front of me for English class. Come to find out, I’d had the last four digits of her phone number reversed. She had waited all summer for me to call. When her phone finally rang, it was someone else.
The news did little to make me feel better, so I brooded and sulked until the homecoming dance. Carla decided to wear her dress to school that day, and I couldn’t help but think she did so just to rub it in my face. It infuriated me so much that under the cover of Mrs. Glass’s discussion of Mark Twain, I found a permanent marker and wrote “Motley Crue” on the back of her dress.
Strangely, that did not turn out to be one of my finer moments.
Then again, not many of my freshman moments were fine. It took me a long time to get over Carla, and for a while I swore it would never happen. But it did. I would find out a few years later that God had made someone else for me, and me for her.
And I learned a valuable lesson in the process: God often allows our hearts to break just so He can put them back together bigger. Bigger so they can both give and receive ore love than they could before.
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I saw Carla yesterday. We were both braving the crowds at the local Target. We spoke and laughed and caught one another up on the happenings of our lives. Thankfully, she never mentioned the whole Motley Crue thing.
But all the while I was listening to that little voice in the back of my head. The voice telling me that more important than praying for God to remove our obstacles is praying for Him to help us through them. We can’t avoid hurt in this life. Not just because we’re fallen people in a fallen world, but because nothing helps us grow more.
Keeping on is a virtue, I think. No less than bravery or love. Often our greatest blessings come disguised as our greatest hurts. Hanging in there is a hard thing do to if you try to do it all at once. But running through the darkness is never a good idea. That’s when you trip and fall.
Better to take small steps, I think. One at a time, over and over. On toward the sunrise.
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27 Responses to “Toward the sunrise”
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I’m a writer whose first novel, Snow Day, will be published by FaithWords in 2010.
But don’t let that fool you. I’m just as confused as anyone.
And that is fine with me, because the great thing about wandering around in the fog is that you never know what you might run into.
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Billy, I giggled out loud with the Motley Crue thing. funny stuff.
I really needed to hear this:
"God often allows our hearts to break just so He can put them back together bigger."
Going thru a little rough patch and that certainly spoke to my heart. So not only am I thrilled that you are busy with your writerly things, I am thrilled this post was chosen to run today. (oh, and I don't think it's cheating….)
"God often allows our hearts to break just so He can put them back together bigger."
I have found that to be true.
Great post, by the way. Thanks for sharing it!
So I'm thinking this is part of the reason you carry that pad & pencil in your back pocket?
Good thing you do. Wouldn't want you to forget the stuff you haven't already published.
BTW, like Andy Griffith, a Billy rerun is always worthwhile.
Billy,
Ah, young love can be bring out the best of us and the worst of us (I believe Dickens said something along those lines).
I never wrote on any dresses, but perhaps I did mark cruelly on some hearts.
Larry E.
I guess I'm officially an "old timer" (cruel thing to say the day after my birthday) because I remember this post, but this is particularly poignant to someone I love and will be sending the link along. Thanks, Billy, for allowing God to speak through you at exactly the right time – again. I'm glad I believe in divine intervention or I'd be more than a little freaked out. Instead, it gives me peace.
YOU WROTE ON HER DRESS?????
Oh, man…
I'm sorry she broke your heart (however unintentional), but I suppose some things just aren't meant to be, and it's great that you can both laugh about it now. (Or not…)
Where do you come up with this stuff? 'Sonny freaking Crockett'. I'll admit, I chuckled.
Great post Billy. So very true about hearts breaking…and God putting them back together. He's cool like tht.
Okay- normally I would say CHEATERS NEVER WIN, but in this case, the post you cheated and rewrote is a winner!
Aww…the sting of a broken heart. We've all been there at some point in our lives. Keep those words and thoughts rollin', Billy!
I loved this post. I wonder what you would have said if she did mention "motley crue."
God always has a bigger plan doesn't he? I just love that.
So glad God helps us through those rough spots….my hearts been broken a time or two. Life is hard sometimes. Wonderful post!
(You really wrote on her dress???)
It was YOU? I always thought it was Bridget in 3rd period! She was always so mean to me…
Just look out the next time you see me in Target, is all I'm sayin.
Great post, Billy. And right on, as usual. I think we've all been there. At the time, the heart seems unmendable. I'm glad my perspective is a lot smaller than God's.
Love this! I'm going to start sounding like a broken record if I keep gushing about your gift with words, so I'll just say that I love writing that transports my imagination and my heart, and manages to make me laugh in the process. You always make me want to live more aware, and that will keep me coming back again and again.
Have a beautiful day, Billy.
Sounds like normal 9th grade boy stuff to me. I still laughed though. great story and great point too.
All I can think is what did you parents have to say about what you did to Carla's dress? 'Cause my Dad would've KILLED me for doing something like that!
For the record, I'm glad they let you live to tell the story.
Billy, I have to admire you. Not just your skill with telling a story. That's a gift from God. Yaaay God!
I admire your willlingness to tell a story about having your heart broken, and that you did not shrug it off well. You are awesome, Bro.
Another great post my friend.
Motley Crue???! Now that's funny, Billy!
Broken hearts are never trivial, no matter how young. Love the post! Thank you for sharing
Oh my my my my!
You never cease to amaze me Billy!
Only a boy could tell a story like this and get away with it so beautifully!
You are a gem!!!!
Blessings and may you keep looking behind you now in Target! LOL!
Jill
"Motley Crue"?
First I was holding back the cackle out of respect for poor "Carla" and her dress…
but then I just couldn't hold it in anymore. That's hilarious!
You might want to start going to Target at odd hours now, Billy…
Carla doesn't know what she's missing!
Billy
I have been there…at the place of broken heartedness and I can say, with you "Often our greatest blessings come disguised as our greatest hurts" If I had not gone through that hardship 14 years ago, I would not be standing in this place of blessing today. My mistake took me deep into pain. God's grace arranged it that it would become beautiful in the end.
Thank you for reminding me of this with your story of Carla!
So glad…SOOO glad I finally got here to read this. Oh YES have I been there (though not the "Motley Crue" thing…or the "Sunny freakin Crocket" thing…but otherwise..)
Wonderful lesson (and I am SO glad you reran it.).
aww, loved this. we all remember it, or somethng close. and i just found on FB my high school love, and am getting ready to post a post he inspired. over here from mylestones and enjoyed your writing.
great post, BC!