Billy Coffey
Billy Coffey

Writing your story

August 19, 2009  

The bedtime story is a given in our house, an activity that has evolved into a ritual. And I don’t mind. Not really anyway, provided there is enough time. Reading a story to my children is an event unto itself more than a bridge to travel from awake to asleep. Not because of the telling, but because of the question-and-answer period afterward.

Because to them, a tale cannot end. My children are still too young to understand the mechanics of a story, of the introduction, the rising and falling action, and the resolution. They enjoy all but the last. So after every knight slays every evil dragon and saves every damsel in distress, the inevitable question is always asked:

“What happened then?”

To simply say, “Nothing, that’s just the end,” won’t do. I’ve tried that, and to unsatisfactory results. So I have to come up with something else.

Like maybe the dragon’s mother comes and swallows up the knight as punishment for picking on her poor dragon baby. Or the knight and damsel got married and both had to get a real job to pay for the mortgage on their castle. Or that either the knight or the damsel was a witch in disguise all along and the dragon was the good guy.

And if that doesn’t work, I’ll get tired and say something like, “The dragon stopped chasing after knights and damsels and started eating little children who refused to go to bed instead.” That usually does the trick.

But I can’t blame them. Fairy tales capture us early in life. They speak to some hidden inner part of us longing to bring life into a clearer focus. They teach us impossibility is simply a word rather than a truth. Stories allow us to indulge in a freedom our circumstances often do not.

And that, I think, is why the ending is so important to my kids. To them, a story must end in the right way — with the maximum amount of happiness and the minimum amount of pain. No one should die, for instance. Not even the villain. It’s better if the bad guy just got hurt a little, which convinced him to mend his ways to the point where he became a good neighbor to the knight and damsel. Even at their young age, my kids already know the story continues. Something else always happens.

Yes, that is a bit simplistic, especially in such a complicated world. But in that simplicity are the seeds of a knowledge I see sprouting in my children. A knowledge I think everyone should realize more often.

We are all writing our own story.

Our days are our pages, filled with our triumphs and failures, our big moments and our small hours. Sometimes we write with passion, other times with doubt, and many times with both. But still, we write. Whether we know we are or not, whether we want to or don’t. Even making the choice to say nothing says a lot. God provides the paper and the pen, but he expects us to do the telling. Our story is ours and ours alone. He’ll do the editing when we’re done.

We don’t have a choice in that. We do, however, have a choice in what sort of story it will be. Drama or comedy? Fairy tale or tragedy? Romance or horror? That’s largely up to us. The quality of our lives can be determined by whether we regard the next chapter of our lives with hope or dread.

Maybe that’s why the ending is always the most important part. Because all the pain and suffering in a story is worth it as long as the last three words are “happily ever after.”

There is an innate human desire to possess the faith that if you hang in there long enough, things will work out in the end. I happen to think that’s true. I might be a grown man, but a part of me still believes in those fairy tales. And always will.

(This piece was first published as a column in the Staunton, VA News Leader)

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Comments

  • ~Brenda

    I just wanna say that I believe in Fairy Tales too. :-)

    ~Brenda

  • Stacey

    Great words, Billy, as always. I've been thinking about happy endings this week too, and even wrote something about it on my own blog. Sometimes they're hard to keep hoping for, in the traditional fairy-tale sense, but I'm learning that we can hopefully take what we've got and turn that into happiness as well, even if it's not quite what we always wanted.

    Anyway, very thought-provoking. Thanks!

  • Denise

    Amen, amen. Well said my friend.

  • FaithBarista Bonnie

    "Reading a story to my children is an event unto itself more than a bridge to travel from awake to asleep."

    LOL. You too? The bedtime story is the real parent trap!

    "We do, however, have a choice in what sort of story it will be."

    Sometimes not. Life in it's imperfection sometimes imposes it's storyline on us. By God's mercy, He holds the editor's red pen.

    There are chapters in my life where I still have no idea why God allowed it to be written as such.

    "Maybe that’s why the ending is always the most important part. Because all the pain and suffering in a story is worth it as long as the last three words are “happily ever after.”

    AMEN!

  • Bridget Chumbley

    Billy I love this post! Our kids grow up all too fast and those moments of 'happy endings' are priceless! The bedtime ritual in our home sometimes creates the most memorable moments of the whole day!

  • Doug Spurling

    "…if you hang in there long enough, things will work out in the end"

    If you don't quit you win.

    "…impossibility is simply a word rather than a truth"

    Billy, a 100 sermons could be preached and more importantly,lived, off this one blog. Thanks again…keep believin'

  • Blessed Mom of 8

    There is nothing like a happy ending!

    We are now watching Little House on the Prairie together as a family. The children are LOVING THEM!

    No matter how evil that Nelly is or how Pa may lose his job – in the end everyone is happy again!

    It means something to each of them – but most important to our older adopted children. That when things in life start out bad they don't have to remain that way. Things can change – God is good and love always conquers all!

    I don't know about you – but that is a lesson we could all use learning.

    Love above all else!

    Love never fails!

    Love is never about me!

    Love is always about sharing!

    Love is always a gift – we must choose to give it!

    And I could go on. The happy ending is what our hearts long for – it is where hope comes from – that things will get better.

    Faith – Hope – Love! Of these three things one remains.

    LOVE!

    You are building three deep in their hearts Billy! And the one that remains comes from the gift of a Father who loves them enough to share His story each day with them!

    What a blessing it is to see you pouring so much love into your children!

    Cherish the moments at these tender ages – time goes by way too fast!

    Blessings and love,
    Jill

  • Joanne Sher

    Oh, Billy. This really touched me and reminded me of exactly how MUCH control I have over how the story plays. Sure, God IS in control, but looking through His eyes and with His perspective can turn any situation, no matter how "bad" from a temporal standard, into His joy.

    This is a FAVORITE of mine. Gonna go tweet it (hope it helps!).

  • Marybeth Poppins

    I have to admit that I felt like your kids do this week after finishing "The Giver" so um…if you could tell me what happens next, that'd be great :)

    As always I love your blog. Always inspiring!

  • Jess

    Once again, just the pep talk I needed this morning! Thanks!

  • Annie K

    'Happily ever after' would be so much nicer in real life, but I guess our character is built on not knowing how the story ends.

    Great post, as always Billy!

  • Janet Oberholtzer

    Great thing to read this morning – when I have a tough decision to make today. How do I want my story to be written? Which choice would a courageous character in a story make?

    I like these lines you wrote …
    "God provides the paper and the pen, but he expects us to do the telling."

    I will now look at each day as the paper. And as long as I'm breathing – I have a pen. Because this is planet earth and 'stuff' happens – we don't have control what all happens in our story, but the control we have is how we respond to it. Do we become better or bitter?

    Thanks,
    Janet

  • ~*Michelle*~

    I totally am a fairy tale story….even though we've had more than our share of dragons and moats of bubbling lava….I've made sure the court jester keeps us laughing through it all.

    Some people tell me I live my life in a bubble at times…..but that's OK, I like it here. :)

  • Jean

    You have a way with words, Billy.

    Bravo.

    Jean
    http://www.jeanmatthewhall.blogspot.com

  • HisFireFly

    God is indeed in control, and your words remind me of Romans 8:28 – "And we know that he works all things together for the good of those who love God, who are called according to his purpose."

    However we choose to write our stories, God will use all things that happen.

    Well said, again Billy, well said.

  • katdish

    Sometimes I lose sight of the "Happily Ever After" when I get bogged down in the hum drum of everyday. Thanks for the reminder.

  • April

    Fairy tales? I'm definitely a believer! I love reading your written words!

  • Terri Tiffany

    Perfect timing for me to read this today.
    "There is an innate human desire to possess the faith that if you hang in there long enough, things will work out in the end."

    I am holding onto those words because sometimes I admit to wondering if they really will but then I choose to have that faith that they will.

  • Mark

    great food for thought

  • Heather Sunseri

    I am one of thoe believers that everything works out in the end. I'm going through something right now that is requiring some strong faith and ALOT of forgiveness, but I feel that it will work out. Maybe not how I want it to, but how it is supposed to, and in the end I will be happy about it because that's just who I am. There are problems that have the potential to mess with your happiness if you let them. Like your children, I want to know more of the story NOW, but my faith tells me that I must take a step back, be patient, and give Him time to reveal the plan to me. Thanks, Billy, for the reminder to "hang in there."

  • Beth E.

    Billy, this post brings back some very fond memories of my childhood.

    Our dad worked two jobs. He wasn't always around at bedtime. But, when he was, he would come to our bedroom to tell us a bedtime story. He always knew what we would ask for…no fairy tales for us! We wanted to hear stories about him as a little boy. He would regale us with tales of stunts, pranks, injuries, spankings, school, family, happy and sad times…we were always fascinated. I believe those stories helped us to understand him better as our dad and as a person…the man he had become as a result of those events in his life.

    You've brought a smile to my face today, and I truly needed one!

    Thanks, Billy Coffey…
    Beth

  • Sue

    Enjoyed this, Billy!

  • Loren

    What great insight….Yes, we are writing our story but Praise the Lord that it is HIM ~ the author and finisher of our Faith ~ that in the end if we choose to know HIM, seek HIM, and allow HIM to work each day, will work ALL things for good and for HIS purpose!!

    Bless you

  • lynnrush

    Nice!!

    I'm all about Fairy Tale Endings as well~

  • jasonS

    That's interesting. Yesterday in the car I asked my son how his day was. He said it was bad and boring. So I asked him why he would choose to have a bad and boring day. We always try to reinforce around our house that a lot of things are up to us and our choices and perceptions. Good stuff.

  • Mich

    Great post…wonderful reminder on how to look at our lives and how we live them.

    I am just thankful, i totally believe in a "happily ever after ending" with THE KING. Kind of makes the troubles of yesterday seem insignificant somehow, huh?

  • T. Anne

    Oh gosh. You just spoke to my heart. That's why I love reading your blog!

    God is so good and I cling to his promises but I love him regardless of what his will is for me. It's still a fairy tale ending if I get to go home to Jesus, right? =)

  • Tea With Tiffany

    This post is profound for me today as I am asking God about my writing. What's next? Do I continue? Do I drop it all? What, Lord?

    Your post helps me remember stories matter. And happy endings are worth living and writing for.

    Thanks, Billy.

  • Elizabeth Mahlou

    Nice post. I think most of us want to believe in fairy tales and happy endings. Possibly we come programmed that way. Possibly it is because we know that there is a lot in this world that does not follow the rules of logic and science as WE have established them!

  • Heart2Heart

    Billy,

    I will always believe in fairy tales possibly because I believe that we can have those moments where we can close our eyes and escape the reality of where we are at in life, and enjoy a happier moment in time.

    I believe we all need those times where we can imagine something much better and perhaps that is our hope as Christians that we can only dream what Heaven is like, but the reality is that it will far exceed anything our imaginations can conjure up.

    Love and Hugs ~ Kat

  • Chris Sullivan

    Hard that happily ever after comes after this life.

  • Billy Coffey

    Chris – I think sometimes it comes in this life, too.

  • Rebecca on The Homefront

    Fairy tales capture us early in life. They speak to some hidden inner part of us longing to bring life into a clearer focus. They teach us impossibility is simply a word rather than a truth. Stories allow us to indulge in a freedom our circumstances often do not.

    So true…and probably the reason why I'm so deeply into Tolkien, Rowling, and Meyer this deployment. Not only do I crave the fairy tale, but I need that freedom that takes me far, far from reality sometimes.

    We're writing our own stories…what a wonderful way to view it. As writers we are sometimes faced with plot twists we hadn't intended…it's how we mold them into our writing that matters. What a great perspective, that we can mold life in the same way.

  • Liz

    Oh, yes! I believe in happily ever after, now and after!

  • Lori Laws

    Great post. Yes, we cannot control our circumstances,we only have a say in how we respond to those circumstances. I believe too, with all my heart that faith that holds out to the end, is going to be victorious. I think of Eccl. 1:3 – There's a season for everything. The season may be really long, but a new season eventually begins. I love your writing.

  • Lauryn Abbott

    Fantastic post, Billy! I love that we get to choose the story our lives tell. Yes, things happen that are out of our control, but how we react to them and what we do with them is completely within our control. Great words of wisdom. Again.

  • Shanda

    So glad this was published in more than one place. I am in awe of your gift of words Billy.

    That free will of ours often gets a bad rap; but with it we do have the power to choose much of how our story will go. How we choose to execute and surrender it are both fully involved with our tales.

    May your household be filled with peace and rest and your dreams filled with possibilities.

  • Sockrma18

    GOOD STUFF!!! :0)

  • Jamey

    I like what you said…

    "There is an innate human desire to possess the faith that if you hang in there long enough, things will work out in the end."

    For me, faith was a big part of what got me to where I am now in my life…peace is what helped me to live with the things that didn't work out.

  • Anne L.B.

    You're pure genius, Billy. I was in a I'm-not-the-mood-to-smile mood when I first read this and STILL had to stifle a laugh about mama dragons and castle mortgages.

    You keep this up and you're gonna ruin that aw-shucks-I'm-just-a-redneck persona.

    Genius, I'm telling you. Pure genius.

  • Caroline

    You know it really is a joy to be able to open a blog almost on a daily basis and find such wondrous inspiring writing.
    Writing our own story…that really inspired me and made me reflect more on my life and my responsibility in putting that page down each day. I completely concur with the fact that saying nothing can say a lot.
    I especially love that you think "…if you hang in there long enough, things will work out in the end". It encouraged me tremendously to hear someone else believe that. I guess you can guess I am doing a lot of "hanging in there" which isn't much fun most of the time. I am also quite a romantic too!
    Thank you Billy for who you are!

  • girlinaglasshouse

    As I was meditating today on the verse "My Peace I give to you" God spoke to me about story endings…His peace is great because he knows the final act of all our stories and those who follow Him eventually get that happy ever after ending!

    I could tell you how blessed I am to share in youro gift of beautiful words…but you already know that :)

  • elaine @ peace for the journey

    I love this one in particular. My daddy filled my youth with nighttime tales, home-made ones, that carried my imagination far and wide and just on the other side of believable to create in me a hunger for the "story."

    That's good fathering … creating a hunger for more of the story where we are able to find ourselves within the script knowing that we were meant to be there all along.

    peace~elaine

  • KM Wilsher

    My mom had me make up the bed time stories. And when I was done, she'd tell me to finish it my head until I fell asleep. . .thanks mom :)

    Nice, Billy!