My sixteenth Thanksgiving
November 25, 2009
image courtesy of photobucket.com
My sixteenth Thanksgiving meal was the first one eaten without my family present. Also my last. Because I learned my lesson.
My girlfriend’s family was planning the mother of all Thanksgiving feasts. Everything was to be meticulously planned and prepared by the family matriarch, a hard-looking woman who chain smoked Marlboro 100s but did so with a whiff of proper daintiness that harkened back to her ancient Virginian roots.
Meals would be served in four courses and include fancy table settings, crystal glasses, and food I couldn’t pronounce. Relatives far and wide were more summoned than invited. A new dining room table was purchased just to accommodate the thirty or so people. “It’s going to be quite the soiree,” my girlfriend said. “Can you come?”
Yes.
For two reasons. One was that I was her boyfriend and so had boyfriend obligations. Second was that her family was what I referred to as Important People. Successful and powerful and rich. They drove BMWs and wore J. Crew and ruminated over the stock market. They were, in essence, both everything my own family was not and everything I wanted to become.
I had no reservations about going because I wasn’t likely to miss anything of real substance at home. They Coffey version of Thanksgiving celebration involved little more than a turkey, some stuffing, and my own relatives gathered around a simple pine table. People who drove trucks and wore Wal-Mart and talked about hunting. Not that there was anything wrong with that. There wasn’t. I just thought that maybe it was time I broadened my horizons and saw how the other half lived.
So I went. And my girlfriend was right, it was quite the swanky affair. Fancy people arriving in fancy cars to eat fancy food. You would think all of that would translate into a fancy time. But then again, some things get lost in translation.
For one, I soon learned that all the wealth and power my girlfriend’s family had accumulated resulted in some bad feelings. Some were jealous of others, others were angry at some, and it seemed all of them had something against somebody. The meal, tastefully prepared, was given without prayer. And the table that was bought specifically to bring so many people together didn’t. Squabbles broke out. Arrogance was displayed. Pettiness was front and center. And before long my girlfriend’s mother, the properly dainty matriarch, jumped up from her seat and ran like a mad woman for her smokes, screaming through her tears that she “should have never done this!”
I sat there, lost in wonder at the sight. Here were people who had worked hard and labored much to enjoy the fruits of success, only to find that they had lost one another and a bit of perspective in the process. Far from being one of the family, I had been relegated to mere spectator. Which was fine with me. Those people were nuts.
My girlfriend had become accustomed to the shouts and accusations. She leaned over just as her mother slammed the front door and said, “Life’s a beach, huh?”
She said that often. And it seemed to me as though her family had lived up to that philosophy. They had all staked their claim on the shoreline and built their castles, marveled and worshipped them even, and then forgot that it was all sand in the end.
The good life didn’t look so good to me. If that was having it all, then I’d rather keep my nothing. So I did the only thing I could. I left. Quietly and politely.
I went back home, back to the plain food served on the plain kitchen table to my plain relatives. Back to a place where the bonds of God and family held true not merely for one day a year, but all of them. And you know, that wasn’t just the best Thanksgiving meal I’d ever had, it was also the best Thanksgiving period.
Because that was when I learned I shouldn’t just be thankful for what I had, but for what I didn’t.
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27 Responses to “My sixteenth Thanksgiving”
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I’m a writer whose first novel, Snow Day, will be published by FaithWords in 2010.
But don’t let that fool you. I’m just as confused as anyone.
And that is fine with me, because the great thing about wandering around in the fog is that you never know what you might run into.
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I am so grateful this Thanksgiving that your stories have found me. This was beautiful, Billy. “Plain” makes it so much easier to see the heart.
There’s no place like home… that is what comes to mind.
Great lesson, Billy. I dread the first invite a ’significant other’ gives to one of my children. I’m sure it won’t be all that far off…
Happy Thanksgiving!
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Wow! Simply powerful. Thank you and a Happy Thanksgiving to you and your family Billy, may the love of God surround you all. Thank you for the blessing you have been to me since I began stopping by your porch sometime mid this year.
I used to work my way to summer camp every year. every year, alot of rich kids from down near gross point came to camp. Their parents would dump them there every year. Our family was about 2 miles away in a trailer. I was talking to this girl who had been quite an athlete…I asked her if she was excited going home since she’d been at camp all summer. She said “No, my dad will just send the car…he’s in europe”…part of me was impressed by the words ’send the car” and “In europe” the other half of me was sad, cause my mom was coming…in our pinto and even if we had one to send, she never would have cause she would want to ask about my two weeks at camp.
How lonely.
Every post of your is like a Thanksgiving dinner. It’s so warm and cozy around this table. I truly find myself looking forward to every post, knowing how full and happy I’ll feel by the end of it. Thank you. Happy Thanksgiving.
I loved this! Sometimes we have to be taken out of our comfort zone to truly appreciate the blessing we already have.
thanks for sharing this.
Happy Thanksgiving!
Really enjoyed your post. Sounds like you learned this lesson early in life. Seems like it takes longer for most people but eventually we learn to appreciate where we are and what we have. It is, after all, where God wants us to be.
As always…….this was beautifully written, and straight from your heart. Thanks so much for sharing the Coffey family values that I see you have kept throughout your life and are surely passing down to all the Billy Coffeys “in training”.
Happy Thanksgiving to you and your family……from ours!
Peace~
*~Michelle~*
Sometimes it is as much about what we “haven’t” as about what we have isn’t it? Blessings on your Thanksgiving Day.
My family was once the squabbly bunch. Thankfully they all grew up (I just moved away, not sure I grew up just grew out of it
.
I’m thankful for them none the less, colorful, fiesty and fun loving bunch God gave me. I can’t be with them this Thanksgiving and I wouldn’t mind a little fiesty around the dinner table. Thank goodness for Skype.
Thanks for reminding us to be thankful for what we do NOT have. I’m also thankful for unanswered prayers – imagine where we’d be if we received everything we asked for?
What peace comes from serving a God who knows what we need!
I had a similar experience during my teen years. A friend and I decided to “share” the day and ate at BOTH houses. The difference? Not money, not food, but God. My friend’s family were agnostic, and I had never thought much about it until that day. Never was I so glad to get back to the warmth of my loud, domino-playing, crazy-laughing, God-loving family.
Praying that this one will be particularly special for you and yours.
It’s amazing what comes with money and power….I tend to prefer being poor
Great story!
Happy Thanksgiving Bill! Just droppin by for a read. Your post hit home, simple Thanksgiving this year may be simple, but it is truly a gift from God.
God Bless you and yours and take care of those not-so-little ones. They grow up way too fast.
p.s. I am coveting that porch you are sitting on in your homepage right about now, or maybe it is just admiring with desire. Lookin forward to your book!
Thank you, Billy. Your perspective is always a blessing to me.
I tell ya, Billy – you and those last lines. Perfect. The rest too, of course!
I’ve been to both – and I know which I prefer.
Happy Thanksgiving, Billy! This was beautifully written and a resonating lesson for you (and now for all of us). I am thankful for what God has provided…
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AMEN!!!!
Have a blessed Thanksgiving!
Jill
Who is thankful for all the things I do not have and all that God desires me to have!
thanks for the good story, billy.
It’s sad when having so much amounts to having so little. I hope that family has managed to find some peace by this Thanksgiving…and I’m wishing peace to you and yours, Billy. Thanks for a wonderful reminder of all that we do have this Thanksgiving.
Absolutely nothing can replace the bond of a family where love abides… and where God is central…love it.
Happy Thanksgiving.
I hope the girl’s family eventually worked things out.
Wealth and material possessions do not equal happiness. Praising God and being thankful for all things brings more joy than the expensive house and trappings of wealth. They too easily become idols. It sounds like you certainly learned an important lesson earlier in your life that stuck with you. Thanks for sharing with us.
Instead of always looking to what we don’t have, be grateful for the best gift of all; Jesus. As we abide in Him, He gives us all we need. And He works in us and through us to impact others. Our part is to surrender it ALL and lay down ALL the things. After all, it all belongs to Him anyway. And if He provides materially, we can use it for His glory.
Have a wonderful Thanksgiving. I’ve never visited before but have seen many of my blogging buddies link to you so I thought I’d check you out. I’m glad that I did. I’ll be back.
Blessings,
Debbie
Thanks for being such a wonderful blessing. I pray you and your family enjoyed a blessed thanksgiving.
Pure and simply, you’re a Thanksgiving blessing …
*Thank you* ((((Billy.)))))
Hope you had a good one.
(Sorry I haven’t been by in a while. I think of you often; you’re in my prayer journal. I pray — with confidence — that God continues to use you. And He doesn’t disappoint.)