The Art of Misery
November 10, 2009
The seasons are more apparent this time of year than at any other, mostly because the reminders are so overwhelming. Spring in Virginia must be wrestled from winter in a long struggle of give and take, then eases into summer like the embrace of two old friends. In either case, it’s difficult to know where one ends and the other begins.
But not so with the turning of summer to fall. There is a clear line between those two, a boundary of Stop and Go marked by stars so close the shine kisses your face and leaves so colorful they should come in boxes marked “Crayola.” Autumn stands alone. It neither lurks nor knocks, it bursts forth and announces its presence. “Here I am,” it says. “Time for something different.”
Though I’m always reluctant to let go of summer, the wiser part of me knows I must. That even perennial green and sun would in time become uncomfortable and drab. It’s a seldom-mentioned fact that we all need reminding of from time to time—there is such a thing as being cursed with too much good. That, I think, is why God made the seasons. To teach us that whatever we have in this world can be lost and then found right back if we just keep moving forward.
That sort of thinking about the world outside my window has come in handy with the world inside myself.
For the last seventeen years my life has been marred by short periods of mottled serenity followed by long periods of outright despair. Depression is like that, I think. It forces you to view happiness as an illusion rather than a possibility. It makes you fearful of reaching out to grab hold of joy for fear it will turn to vapor and seep through your fingers.
Those inner winters were borne by me alone. My depression was a weight hung from my soul and forced me to look down in shame rather than up in petition. Christians weren’t supposed to be sad. Their hearts were supposed to be filled with the light of God, not the darkness of living.
I’m sure a lot of people think the same—that a life with God should be that perennial green and sun. Which is why so many of us walk through our winters naked and cold trying to convince ourselves that the season hasn’t changed. That the breeze is still warm.
I think the biggest lie we tell ourselves is that we should always smile.
I will not worship a God who demands I shy away from half of living simply because it’s difficult. I would rather Him offer to walk with me through it. The world will wear on all of us from time to time. There is no avoiding it. That’s why I cast a wary eye upon any religion that says such things can be avoided. They can’t.
They can’t because there is a reason for our pain. Because it is an inevitable consequence of loving God that we feel. Because there is a beauty in our tears and a grace in our sadness.
The point isn’t to figure out a way to avoid our seasons, then. It’s to figure out a way to embrace them. To endure and continue. Because we must know sadness if we are to know joy, we must be lost in doubt in order to find faith, and it is only in our misery that true hope can be born.
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I’m a writer whose first novel, Snow Day, will be published by FaithWords in 2010.
But don’t let that fool you. I’m just as confused as anyone.
And that is fine with me, because the great thing about wandering around in the fog is that you never know what you might run into.
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Those inner winters are borne by me alone. Only if you choose. The atonement swallows up everything and Christ shoulders most of the burdens. We are only allotted what we can handle. I love how you can turn everything into a teaching moment. You have the true gift of parables. May we be lent the wisdom to decipher them to our greatest ability and use them as God wills in our own lives.
“Because we must know sadness if we are to know joy, we must be lost in doubt in order to find faith, and it is only in our misery that true hope can be born.”
Beautifully spoken, Billy.
I definitely needed to read this tonight… thank you!
Ah, the tao of life. There is no cup without the void, no Truth without a lie, no beauty without the ugly, no pleasure without the pain. No Joy without sorrow. You have to have something to compare it to. Wisdom is acquired, usually through pain (see job) In Jewish mysticism, God created everything. Good and Bad. These things give each other meaning. Good post
Such beautiful words from a beautiful heart, and mind Billy.
[...] Read it and enjoy… :billy coffey, seasons [...]
I think the biggest lie we tell ourselves is that we should always smile.
You’ve artfully depicted the beauty in our tears and a grace in our sadness. Indeed, without brokenness and suffering we would not know true fellowship with Christ, beauty in full glory.
While we cannot always smile, we can always recover one through that fellowship. The Art of Misery at its finest is like an eagle in flight; from the height of joy we find ourselves compelled to plummet dangerously before soaring again to a new height.
I trust you won’t mind me putting in a plug for Smile Ministry? It is a ministry empowered by misery.
Well said. Depression doesn’t have to destroy, it can be the incubator to birth a lovely post like the above, letting others know they’re not alone. Pain as fuel.
He sent the comforter because we need one.
Depression is like that, I think. It forces you to view happiness as an illusion rather than a possibility
You’re the first writer I’ve met (in the blogosphere) to admit having depression problems. At least, in this sort of clarity. I have it. And I live with it–whether in shadow or in sunlight. For many years, I wondered if I didn’t know God enough because I seemed to know the dark so well. Now I just know that sometimes, we don’t appreciate the light if we haven’t been in the dark.
Thank you for your beautiful thoughts. Thank you for your honesty.
Your title is very telling … especially in light of the different meanings of the word “Art.” One of it’s lesser used meanings is deceit and duplicity. Misery can easily deceive us without the grace of God to embrace us as we walk through these times and it becomes a fearsome task master … or, art can be a skill, an ability to walk in the knowledge of His presence and His light as we traverse dark terrain and the unknown. He comes to heal the brokenhearted. You are not alone.
“..there is a beauty in our tears and a grace in our sadness.”
And at that time that we fall to our knees in prayer, and in choosing to do so, our relationship with God becomes more intimate. I think that’s why our “seasons” change – we die a little only to experience rebirth and growth in Him.
“The point isn’t to figure out a way to avoid our seasons, then. It’s to figure out a way to embrace them. To endure and continue. Because we must know sadness if we are to know joy, we must be lost in doubt in order to find faith, and it is only in our misery that true hope can be born.”
Yes.
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I will tell you……I have tears streaming down.
As someone who is in the middle of my own change of seasons…..I needed to read this today. I know new seasons and chapters that are ready to unfold will bring new blessings and new possibilities, but I am stuck in a state of fear/despair worrying that these changes will not be what *I* want or need. I know I need to let go and trust that God knows what is best for me. He knows what will bring joy….I just keep wrestling him out of the picture when I keep turning back, trying to grab hold of a season that is fading away, instead of grabbing His hand and walking into the next one.
*sigh*
Well said Billy. You made me think of Romans 5:3-5 that states, “Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom He has given us.
God never said we would always be on the mountain tops. The valleys actually have the richest soil.
Love,
Beth
I could not agree more.
I’m living it. Sometimes there is no choice but to embrace the season.
You know that I know what depression and misery are like. And it seems that the more I open up about my depression, the more I find that lots of people are struggling with the same depression that I have been. Thank God that we are finally finding a way to dialogue about this thing that so many of us have been afraid to talk about for so long! And thank you for being part of that dialogue. You have found a way to voice some of the things that many people have been afraid or unable to give a voice to for a long time. Thank you for that, Billy. You are a blessing!
Very well spoken Billy. I’m sure the snow yesterday had a little something to do with my lack of smiling…
Sometimes I think I just need that reasurance that indeed joy comes in the morning. Sometimes, tragically it feels like such a long night. *sigh* love your post.
Billy, this is straight out of Habakkuk, which has been my favorite book of the Bible over the past 6 months. This was the guy crying out to God for justice to be done…crying out to God to come and save him…crying out to God to change things because the world was burning to the ground around him. There was violence, injustice, depression, and death. Habakkuk is only three chapters long but it is a book about embracing the hard times with rejoicing, Habakkuk 3:17-19. Habakkuk’s name means “to embrace” and “to wrestle”. He starts out wrestling and ends up embracing his faith in God’s sovereignty. How sweet is that? I don’t think it is a coincedence that you wrote this…it is another piece of the puzzle for me. I am seeing these sames truths everywhere and it reminds me of the saving grace of the gospel and that I need others to help me here on earth. Because we weren’t intended to go it alone.
“The righteous will live by their faith.” – Habakkuk 2:4
http://taterhouse.blogspot.com/2009/09/habakkuk-and-needtobreathe.html
Excellent post. I agree that without the sadness, we wouldn’t recognize happiness…
Billly,
This post is like a blanket that wraps around you as you go through that season and whispers….It will be ok….continue on….but then again that is the Holy Spirit who is speaking in and through you.
Thankyou Billy for sharing and relaying so eloquently
Bless you
Billy, beautiful message – very profound! Reminds me of the song that says “the God on the mountain is still God in the valley”. And, I love the picture. You look like a man going places and I really believe you are! Your family is sooooo proud!
I think it’s easy for us to slide into the mindset that we’re entitled to the perennial green and sun. Without those periods of bleakness and cold, we could never fully appreciate the warmth and light.
Thank you for your very eloquent musings on depression and misery. The way you tied them in with the changing seasons was timeless.
Very interesting post Billy!
“The point isn’t to figure out a way to avoid our seasons, then. It’s to figure out a way to embrace them.” This is most definitely a better way to live our life. I think many times what causes depression is rebelling against the season that is put before us and wondering why we can’t go back to a latter season or spring forward quicker to a season that we believe is coming or have dreamed about. Some times hard things come upon people’s lives and there is nothing we can do to prevent it. But God! His grace can enable us to endure and overcome if we look to Him in the midst of it and trust Him to bring us through the valley to the other side of the mountain, where there is a table of provision prepared for us. Just as God told Paul, “My grace is sufficient for you.” In the midst of the valley, there can still be joy if we know the One that is taking us through and we know that this season will come to an end where God’s Love is manifested and He is glorified!
Very true, Billy. You can’t escape the challenges and we shouldn’t want to because of all they produce and how much we learn about God in the process…
Depression is something I’ve struggled with throughout most of my life. Took a while to get that figured out. Took longer to learn how to recognize the signs it was coming, and I’m still not great at doing that. For me, it seems to come in cycles, roughly about every seven years or so. And when it comes, it does feel like a dark night of the soul.
Thanks for sharing this, Billy.
Billy, thank you for sharing so deeply about this. This ministered to me very deeply as I have been going through “the long period of despair”. It is always good to know there is a reason for the pain. I like the way you say “Because there is beauty in our tears and a grace in our sadness.”
I’ve noticed that at some of the worst times is when I feel His arms around me the most.
A way to figure out how to embrace them… very powerful and very true.
Walking through dark valleys has made the words “He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows, acquainted with grief” so much more precious to me. We have a Lord who knows and understands those seasons of heavy sadness because He has walked through them too.
I loved what you said, “there is a beauty in our tears and a grace in our sadness.” So true.
Nice… Truly… You are a MUST READ when I do my ’rounds’. always. You bring to life the intangible. To have watched you grow from my first stumble onto your blog… um… a long time ago… to your site now is just a great thing to see. Thank you for always delivering!!
I think God does suffer through the tough periods with us, that’s why I’m still in this. Good post, Billy. Good blend of theology, philosophy, and real life.
This is so true, your honesty is profound. I love your take on things.
There are so many of us who share your struggle, and it’s such a blessing to open your heart and let it be known. I absolutely believe sharing our vulnerability brings more hope and comfort than pretending everything is perfect. I too believe in a God who walks with us through the seasons, not around them.
Thank you.
This is a beautiful way to look at an ugly time in anyone’s life. Thanks for sharing your heart with us, Billy.
I just finished closing the window on Word-A-Day, which ends with Thought For The Day.
When I read today’s “thought”, it startled me with the clarity of its depth.
Then I came here,……… and read a similar lament of truth.
A THOUGHT FOR TODAY:
Don’t surrender your loneliness / So quickly. / Let it cut more deeply. / Let it ferment and season you / As few human / Or even divine ingredients can. -Hafez, poet (1315-1390)
I pray that your winters in Virginia are less harsh than on the North Coast of the United States, off Lake Erie.
Misery IS an art; and a Bay near Lake Erie as well. The fishing is good at Misery Bay year round, but the name is appropriate, especially in winter.
Stay warmed with love all year!
You are so incredibly gifted. Your humility prevents you truly seeing just how good you really are. But I’m still going to tell you that.
Very thought provoking.
“Depression is like that, I think. It forces you to view happiness as an illusion rather than a possibility. It makes you fearful of reaching out to grab hold of joy for fear it will turn to vapor and seep through your fingers.”
That’s the point at which I started crying. Cause I just really get it.
Just today I was in a Bible Study (on Esther by Beth Moore) and Beth was saying that we cannot fulfill our destiny if we are not transparent. That socked me in the gut. I pretty much reveal my struggles openly, but there are things I’m not saying. We do need to tell our truths. There is freedom in them. And we also stop doing so much comparing if we share where we’re really at…”look at him/her, she is so happy,” when really they’re feeling Winter and not saying so. So much loneliness in that.
Sorry, random rambly soap box…
Thank you for this post.
“I will not worship a God who demands I shy away from half of living simply because it’s difficult. I would rather Him offer to walk with me through it. The world will wear on all of us from time to time. There is no avoiding it. That’s why I cast a wary eye upon any religion that says such things can be avoided. They can’t.”
Spoke volumes to me today, thank you. You have an amazing way of using words.
Oh Billy, you have such an awesome gift of writing about the things that no one else will or they just do not know how.
I have struggled with depression my entire life, before I even knew what it was that I was struggling with. I recently ran out of my medication and due to circumstances, I have not been able to get to the doctor to have it filled. My days have been a struggle lately. I have even debated back and forth about blogging about some if. You have now given me the inspiration to do that.
“Because we must know sadness if we are to know joy, we must be lost in doubt in order to find faith.”
This quote rocks given the context of the entire post.
Billy, this is so excellent – it’s the Coffey’s slice of the true Gospel. What comforting words with the realities of faith.
A fellow traveler through the summer and winter seasons… with my share of walking without cover…
Hey Billy, you are right, those difficult times cannot be avoiding – the Bible is very clear that our faith is developed by suffering. People focus on Jesus calming the raging storm, but forget that He deliberately lead the disciples into the storm in the first place. And yes, He was there with them, ‘walking’ with them through it.
Great post, as always.