Learning how to pray
December 15, 2009
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A friend recently confessed that not only had he never prayed, he had never found an adequate opportunity to do so. Why bother, he asked, to resort to empty words to a God who is at best noncommittal and at worst uncaring?
I gave him an appreciative nod. There had been times in my life when I suspected God to be both, but in the end the opposite had always held to be true. But his words struck me. Prayer was much a part of my life even in my darkest days. Not praying, no matter how far the distance between myself and God, was never an option.
I’d always assumed there were many in the world who never lifted their voice to heaven. I’d just never known one.
I figured I prayed about seven times a day. Not bad, really, until I started thinking about some of the things I prayed both for and about. Asking for God to watch over my loved ones is a lot different than asking Him to let the Yanks win and the Phillies lose. I asked for both yesterday.
And while asking Him to make my headache go away is maybe an okay thing, asking Him to give the person who caused my headache sudden and uncontrollable diarrhea probably wasn’t.
It all got me thinking not only about how and when I pray, but how and when others do the same. Prayer is something many of us take for granted. I doubt we pause enough to consider the gravity of actually speaking to the Creator of the universe.
Prayer is serious stuff. Fascinating, too. Nothing says more about us than how we talk to God. So I decided to take last Sunday and observe both family and friends in a sort of super secret prayer survey. I wanted to know who got it just right, who didn’t quite, and why.
Church seemed like a logical starting point. Lots of people pray in church. I listened to the Sunday School teacher, the pastor, and an usher pray with both an eloquence and spirit that I could aspire to but never quite accomplish. Eloquence has never been my strong suit. Me often don’t talk like that pretty.
Lunch with my wife’s family, however, seemed more promising. There are a lot of things country folk can do better than others, and talking to God is among them. Country prayers are not as flowery as church prayers. There are plenty of ain’ts and gonnas. It’s not praying, it’s prayin’. Big difference.
So we prayed for the hands that cooked the food and the ground that grew it. For the rain that would make the corn grow and the closeness of family. That prayer was nice. Homey. But it still wasn’t quite…right. Something was missing.
Bedtime found my family gathered around my daughter’s bed, knees to floor. And though I normally assume the traditional pose of head bowed and hands folded, I cheated that night. I kept my eyes and ears open as my children prayed. Together.
“Thanks, Jesus,” my son said, “for all the cool stuff You showed me today.”
“And,” said my daughter, “for the green grass. It’s my favorite color.”
“Thanks for the macaroni, because I love macaroni,” added my son.
“I didn’t like the broccoli,” my daughter said. “Can you please do something about that?”
“You made pretty clouds tonight.”
“I love you, God.”
“I love you too, God.”
“We both love you.”
Then, together: “Amen.”
I walked outside a while later to make sure the stars were still there and say goodnight to God. I’ve always liked praying outside. For some strange reason, I’ve always thought my words could go through a ceiling of clouds much easier than a ceiling of plaster.
I’ll be honest. Prayer has always been a little confusing to me. Like the people at church, I’ve tried to be eloquent and flowery. Like the people I shared lunch with, I’ve tried to be folksy and homey. And like my children, I’ve tried to keep things simple.
It isn’t always easy to put thoughts and feelings to words, no matter to whom we’re talking.
I guess in the end it isn’t so much what we say to God as it is the heart with which it’s said. What we can’t explain, He knows. What we can’t say quite right He knows exactly.
Which is why that night, there beneath the stars, I simply looked to heaven and smiled.
Because sometimes the best prayer is one that’s felt rather than spoken.
What are you praying for today?
(This post is part of the One Word: Church blog carnival. To read more, visit Bridget Chumbley. And tell her I said hey.)
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37 Responses to “Learning how to pray”
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“…sometimes the best prayer is one that’s felt rather than spoken.”
Nice.
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We do not know what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered.
(Romans 8:26)
You’ve certainly captured the essence of prayer, Billy.
I’ve led prayer in front of City Hall and in a banquet of hundreds as National Day of Prayer coordinator. I’ve prayed one-on-one with small children and elderly and everyone in between, in darkness of night and under sunny skies. I’ve chattered at the Lord nonstop and simply basked in His presence quietly.
But those prayers that are felt rather than spoken? Those are the times when I perchance hear His whispers.
Beautiful.
I appreciate your insight and your questioning. About 25 years ago I wrote a book about prayer–what a laugh. I know less about it now than I did then.
As I get older, I’m finding I pray a lot less about me. I’m getting increasingly less important in my own head. I’m not sure why, exactly. But I think that’s the plan.
And I need to remember about that macaroni and that broccoli.
I always enjoy your words Billy… and those of little children
“For some strange reason, I’ve always thought my words could go through a ceiling of clouds much easier than a ceiling of plaster.”
Amen to that. For some weird reason, I woke up at 3AM this weekend and found myself outside checking on my animals. As I walked back to the house, I looked up and the clear sky, illuminated with a bright moon and millions of stars, took my breath away. I began to have a conversation with God. It was pretty much thanking Him for all the blessings He has given me, but also telling Him how in He blows me away with His Creation(s).
So hmmmm, what am I praying for today? I am praying for my husband’s heart to be healed. We had something precious, that has been prayed about given to us for a short time, only to be taken away from us yesterday and it crushed his spirit. I have found comfort, acceptance and peace in prayer, and I pray that God sees his broken heart and keeps it tender.
Prayer is a blessing. Prayer is a gift. Prayer is our way to be touched and changed by God. Not to change Him -but to be deeply touched by the power of the Holy Spirit and God working in us. To hear from Him. To speak less and listen more. Prayer is a way to express our deepest gratitude for the small things in life – like the grass to the big things in life like the air I breath. Prayer changes everything! Prayer is not to be a ritual and isn’t about a feeling – we need to do it most when we don’t feel like it. That is when we need to draw as close as possible back to God and hear what He wants to will and to do in us that moment and day.
Prayer is not about some grand plan. Not my plan to tell God the things He needs to do – but a mere request – Lord help me. Father, teach me. God speak to me. Jesus I need You. I’m struggling. This life is tough. This relationship is challenging. Please supply Your grace and understanding. Please give me the strength I need to do what You are asking….
Oh if only we understood the true blessing of prayer – we would not want to get off our knees. To be like the apostle Paul and simply desire more of God each moment and glory in Jesus Christ!
Blessings,
Jill
Quite frankly, I wouldn’t mind the diarrhea prayer for the ones giving my husband and I ginormous headaches the last couple of days. Instead, we huddled together at the table, amid the dripping tears and ripping hearts, and prayed for His will. And His guidance and wisdom. And peace.
When we were done with mouth words, the heart words continued. God was still listening as the breaks bled and wetness weeped. I finally lifted my face off the table and out of the puddle. My husband offered to get a “snot rag” to clean up the mess. And as I swiped at it with my own sleeve, they both told me we would be okay…
Excellent!
We all have our own images of what the word prayer means and what prayer looks like. I rarely call prayer – ‘prayer’ I call it talking to God … I tend to be more real with him that way and I’ve found people that aren’t comfortable praying are more comfortable ‘talking to God.’
In silence prayer often speaks loudest.
Thank you for a lovely post.
Another great post, Billy. A smile prayer. I love that.
I have a friend who talks a lot about how she gets so uncomfortable in group prayer, where it seems everyone is being flowery and kind of acting, speaking Christianese to God.
She says she’s more comfortable walking around constantly praying little things like
Help and
Thank You
Save that baby
Be here now
That’s how I am too, I guess. And I think it’s because of what you articulated here. God knows the desires and dreams and praises of my heart. I don’t need to say them a certain way.
I love children’s prayers! They are so simple and so honest. I bet what your kids said just melted God’s heart. Thank you for sharing.
Right now my kids are learning to pray. Well not the baby his vocabulary is pretty limited. It’s really interesting to watch though, as they learn rote prayers like “God is good, God is great. Now, I thank Him for my food,” and then start trying prayer on their own. My oldest is 6 and will start praying ot God now about a lot of things. It really shows her heart and it’s nice ot know most of her prayers are about others and not herself.
Fantastic post, Billy. And so timely!
What am I praying for today? Well, I’m going to pray for a person I don’t know. A person I’ve never met on the internet or in person. A person who was angry enough to contact me about how much he/she hated God and hated my blog. He/she left obscenities in a comment (which I didn’t approve to be posted out of respect for my readers) cursing the very God I hold close to my heart.
But, the person was so angry to have stumbled across my blog and took the time to leave a comment telling me how much he/she hated God . . . I feel it’s imperative I pray for that person today. My heart breaks for him/her, but I know how he/she feels. I once was very angry at God. Maybe not to the same extent this person is, but angry nonetheless.
My wife will often sit for half an hour writing in her journal, pouring out her heart to God – so I smiled when I read your sentences “Eloquence has never been my strong suit. Me often don’t talk like that pretty.” I’ve read some great prayers in your writing, Billy – thanks for the inspiration today.
Seems more often than not lately that I have to rely on the prayers from the heart rather than prayers with spoken words. Sometimes it the best we can do.
I may not know a lot, but I have down that prayer is a conversation. Most of my car rides alone are filled with prayers to God. I do feel sorry for God sometimes because I can be in the middle of praying and trail off as other thoughts invade or I can struggle with getting the simplest sentence together. I know He doesn’t mind, but can you imagine having a conversation like that with a friend. It would drive me crazy!
Another excellent reason in the long list of reasons that it’s good I’m not God.
Thanks Billy!
“It isn’t always easy to put thoughts and feelings to words, no matter to whom we’re talking.”
Amen to that!
Thanks for this, Billy… oh, and… “hey” to you!
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I’m praying through those on my prayer list. Also praying for those who struggle with addiction. Praying written prayers always seems to help me focus better. I’m not very good at extemporaneous prayer. Love this, Billy.
Billy,
Loved this post! Sometime people feel that there is a right and wrong way to pray. I believe it’s just having that one on one conversation with my Father who wants to know what is on my mind even though He can already read it and already knows. To Him, it matters if I tell it to Him, to share my day and what is going on. There isn’t anything He hasn’t had to deal with and He truly does want to know what is going on in my mind and my heart. Just like any father would, He wants to be involved in my life and it’s only through prayer that we can establish the intimate relationship.
Love and Hugs ~ Kat
lately it seems like things that i would not normally call prayer have seemed like prayer, and things that are normally called prayer seem less like it.
Those are my favorite types of prayer. Homey, simple, eloquent, and silent. Why? Because it means God and I are talking and everything seems to go right when God and I are talking.
There’s been a lot of stuff going on in my world for which I can’t find any words, be they eloquent or simple. I’ve been either face to the carpet or up toward the sun, letting the Holy Spirit do the talking…and so thankful He knows just what to say.
Romans 8:26
In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express.
It seems lately, with my mom’s bruises from too much blood thinner, and the heat going off on us all the time, and stuff, I have not been praying so much with words for the past few weeks put have been sort of quiet and still and shoveled out my heart at God lately. A couple times I almost stopped to look at what I was shoveling, but He seemed to say “hand it over…If I want you to have it, you will”.
I suppose I am not so eloquent at prayer either…
Billy, I remember Betty telling me on one of our “sister beach trips” there were times with her four kids and all the stress, worry and craziness kids can put you through that some nights she went to bed, closed her eyes and all she could say was “God, You Know”. And, thankfully, He does!
Wonderful, Billy! Just this morning, I prayed one of those “feeling” prayers…
Great encouragement!
Thanks Billy,
A praying person can impact the world without even leaving the house. Great post. I think God was smiling back at you.
Merry Christmas.
Paul instructs us to “Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”
I think about praying continually as holding a never-ending conversation with God. Yeah, I say “Amen” when I finish praying formally, but I go the rest of the day like Heather described- thank you, help him, etc. I try to approach my day as hanging out with God telling him about everything that crosses my mind. Sure I get distracted, I find it easier for my thoughts to find their way back to my Lord.
And yes, sometimes I look at the stars (more often just look at my children) and smile a silent prayer.
I’m always thankful for feeling his amazing grace that is constant around me. I have days it’ll lift me up but also do I have those who feel havy and it’s almost a burden. Jet it isn’t these days are my lesson days. My learning ones big time.
I also do go outside lots and lift my head to heaven…for sure this is easier with no ceiling in between (hihihi).
Be well my friend.
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And “they” can hardly ban smiling at the sky, can they … even in school.
How you can get me to laugh so hard and be so deeply convicted about my conversations with God is beyond me. Thanks for taking me beyond me, I love the places your writing takes us. Most often, a little closer to where God wants me to be.
Thanks again for reminding me of the wonder of conversation with the God of all creation, and that He gladly bends his ear to hear what we have to say.
Big Christmas hugs to you and your family!
I have been having a lot of thoughts on prayer lately. Asking myself things like is that prayer not answered because I did not pray correctly and such similar crazy questions. Then I came or rather surrendered to this conclusion, it;s okay Caroline, God sees your heart. He knows. And it felt so reassuring so see that you had similar thoughts.
I love Children’s prayers, they are often the most sincere, heartfelt and although they may sound simple I find them profound. I think we complicate things sometimes, we adults.
For instance the first prayer your son said, there is so much depth to that, it leaves me pondering it.
Thank you, this post was so apt.
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