The Battle of the Chandlers
December 18, 2009
Tommy and Betty Chandler have been together since high school, almost forty years ago. They’ve endured recessions, job losses, three children, six grandchildren, and one bout with cancer. They’ve also endured each other. There are those around here who say that’s the miracle. You would also be hard pressed to find two people so diametrically opposed in both taste and personality.
Their two-story farmhouse sits at the entrance to my neighborhood and is a wonder of style and sophistication, thanks in large part to Betty’s knack for having things Just So. That may well be Betty’s motto in life—Just So. Everything in its proper place in an anal-retentive sort of way. Tommy doesn’t seem to mind, though he did confess this to me one lazy afternoon:
“Betty’s a freak.”
Said in a loving way, of course. Tommy adores Betty and Betty adores him right back. They’ve reached a sort of balance over the years, a compromise designed with toleration in mind. Betty can do whatever she wants with the house, but the garage is Tommy’s alone. Manland, he calls it. Where there are tools and dirt and grease and where Longaberger baskets and frilly placemats go to die. Betty never ventures into Manland. It’s sacred ground. And Tommy is the benevolent, all-powerful, all-knowing ruler.
All of this goes to show that love really can overcome differences. Usually.
Betty’s taste for Christmas decorations is much like her personality—Just So. Tommy, however, tends to lean toward Clark Griswold in National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation. Not a good combination. But as the house was agreed to be Betty’s domain (the yard too, since she contends it’s an extension of the house), Tommy can’t do much with his decorating style (big and gaudy) but sulk.
However.
Two days ago Tommy happened upon a huge plastic Santa at the hardware store. Complete with silly grin, blinking lights, and a continuously waving hand. And thanks to a motion sensor under his cap, he even turned his head and shouted “HO-HO-HO!” at passing cars.
It was without a doubt the most overpriced, over-hyped, overdone monstrosity Tommy had ever seen. And also the most beautiful Christmas decoration he could have ever dreamed of putting up at his house.
Tommy knew what Betty would say. Didn’t care, either. He brought it home strapped to the bed of his truck, slapped it smack in the middle of the yard, and dared his wife to say one word about it.
Betty took that dare.
She said Tommy had better get that no-good, white trash, trailer park hunk of ugly out of her front yard now. And said Tommy had about as much sense as the idiot who dreamed up such a travesty of a Christmas decoration, and that he’d better thank God Almighty that she was around to keep things respectable around their house.
The Santa is no longer in the front yard.
“Sometimes in a marriage, you gotta do a little sacrificing,” Tommy told me.
But the story doesn’t end there. Tommy still had one card to play. Driving past his house just a little bit ago, I noticed the garage doors on the Chandler’s house were open. Tommy was on a throne disguised as an old lawn chair, presiding over the kingdom of Manland. He wasn’t alone, either. Right beside him blinking and shining and Ho-Ho-Hoing to all was the ugly Santa, safely out of reach of Betty’s rigid standards. After all, Manland is sacred ground.
I blew the horn as I drove past. Tommy toasted me with his can of beer and patted Santa’s belly.
I smiled. Two refugees from Prim and Proper Land, seeking asylum in a place where it’s Come As You Are. I liked that. There’s a certain rightness in being accepted despite the fact you’re not quite up to snuff.
I think we often get the impression that God’s in Tommy and Betty Chandler’s house. That if we want to see Him we’d better wipe our feet and dress nice and have everything Just So. But I don’t think that’s true. I think God’s out in Manland with the dirt and the grease, sitting in an old lawn chair with Tommy and admiring his Santa.
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23 Responses to “The Battle of the Chandlers”
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I’m a writer whose first novel, Snow Day, will be published by FaithWords in 2010.
But don’t let that fool you. I’m just as confused as anyone.
And that is fine with me, because the great thing about wandering around in the fog is that you never know what you might run into.
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This is about as perfect as storytelling gets.
By the way, If God’s in the garage, who’s in the house? (I think I can answer that question.)
“There’s a certain rightness in being accepted despite the fact you’re not quite up to snuff.”
Amen to that, Billy.
Great story, thanks for sharing!
The comfort in being accepted for who we are. Thanks for the reminder.
Amen. You have such a God given talent for telling a great story and always bringing it back to focus on God. Great post.
I love this message, Billy! I’m so thankful that God accepts us for all of our dirt and grime.
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That’s exactly how it is with my father and mother, probably a lot of couples. Great story!
Thank the good Lord for us Bettys!
Amen, amen.
This cracks me up. Just wonderful, the way you tell it.
Manland, huh? We don’t get to see too many Menlands this close to Washington. Oh, wait, maybe that’s the other name for Congress? The Supreme Court? The White House basketball court?
Laughed out loud with the “no-good, white trash, trailer park hunk of ugly” comment……but quickly got a lump in my throat with “seeking asylum in a place where it’s Come As You Are”.
Your gift of seeking and capturing all emotions within is beautiful. Thank you!
I’m a little disappointed that plastic Santa had to be relegated to the garage. But I’m a bit of an ecclectic decorator.
Great story! “Betty’s a freak.” I love that. Write on and Merry Christmas!
Jesus with hard calloused hands, wearing sturdy carharts, in manland. Yeah.
ahhhh. this was refreshing. and just what i needed.
thanks billy
I’m glad Tommy found a place to just be himself and didn’t give up. I think that’s so important.
Love (and ROTFL) about the assurance that there’s a place in God’s “garage” even for my own, “hunk of ugly” old self.
I needed a good laugh, thanks for sharing such a fun story.
Mercy, Billy! I think that story is about me and my husband! People say we are about as different as two people can get and we are going on 30 years of marriage! The garage at my house is definately manland – I don’t go there. And he only tries to suggest what I might do with the inside.
The yard we share, though. I love this story! It is wonderfully encouraging!
Neat story, Billy. You always seem to have the neatest neighbors! I agree with you that Jesus is in the places we’d least expect Him.
I’d like to think God likes tacky Christmas decor, too. I love tacky Christmas decor…
What a great post. Not only about acceptance, but about the finer workings of a marriage.
This is such a funny story! You have such a way with words. I would have loved to have seen him sitting out in his garage with Santa at his side.
Congratulations on your book. I loved the cover art. Can’t wait to read it.