My Wandering Eyes
February 19, 2010
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Writers are always hungry for compelling topics to explore. The problem is that the best ones are mortifying.
—Ralph Keys, The Courage to Write
Despite their claims to the contrary, I really do listen when people are speaking to me. I know what they are saying and why they are saying it. I understand the points they’re trying to make or the things they’re trying to share. I’m a great listener, though that’s usually proven after the fact. During, though, is something else entirely.
Everyone from friends to family have said it’s because of my eyes. Evidently at the beginning of a conversation they’re directed outwardly toward the person to whom I’m speaking. But then there always seems to come an inevitable point at which they seem to either almost turn inward or outward even further, off into some other place as if I’ve lost interest. I assure them that’s not the case at all, and it isn’t. I am genuinely interested in what people have to say to me. Though I must say that interest has a bit of selfishness to it.
Those who know me well and talk to me often have come to accept all of this as an aspect of my passion rather than a flaw of my character. They see my eyes, know what’s going on behind them, and understand that it’s something I cannot help. It’s at that point when they all utter the same four-word question that, if answered in the affirmative, allows them some understanding and me the alleviation of guilt:
“You’re writing, aren’t you?”
The answer is always yes, I am writing. It’s a question and an answer that does not depend upon location, either. If someone in my family were to peek in the door right now and ask that question, my answer to them would be both obvious and understandable. I’m sitting at my desk with my coffee, my computer, and a stack of books. Of course I’m writing.
But where family and friends sometimes stumble is with this one simple yet profound truth—a writer is always writing. It is not merely a job and never a hobby. It is not something that can be picked up and then placed down at will. Writing is a jealous spouse or a rare flower—it demands your constant attention.
And you will give it willingly, if only because you are just as jealous of it. Writing and the writer are locked in an eternal embrace that is part devotion and part fear the one will wander too far from the other. That is why a writer is always writing. Why life itself appears not as a blank page, but one that is a hodgepodge of words that need to be ordered so the story can shine through.
It’s also the reason for my wandering eyes. There is a friendly separation between writer and world. Life unfolds itself upon the stage and the author is its audience, there not merely to applaud but to take note. Writers are the true historians. We lay a foundation of the present upon which the future can be built. That’s why every conversation, every circumstance, everything, is approached under the assumption that it’s something that can be written about.
Because, really, anything can be written about. Not because nothing is sacred, but because everything is.
That’s why a writer is always working. Always trying to piece together the next story or scene, always trying to find the wisdom in the moment.
Which leads to a curious question.
If all of what I’ve said is true—and I believe it is—can anything truly bad happen to a writer? Is there any situation, any event, that with time and healing cannot be put to the page?
I’ve yet to answer that question for myself. Have you?
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33 Responses to “My Wandering Eyes”
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I’m a writer whose first novel, Snow Day, will be published by FaithWords in 2010.
But don’t let that fool you. I’m just as confused as anyone.
And that is fine with me, because the great thing about wandering around in the fog is that you never know what you might run into.
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I have found things that were hard to write about….but I still wrote about them.
I don’t know the answer to your question. And I am not what you could call a ‘writer,’ though I do ‘write’ a lot! Sadly, rarely can my words ever convey the hugeness of my feelings… but it’s not from a lack of want to. It’s just that some feelings I feel are too big to write down. I can’t find the words for them. Perhaps I’m too simple, not literate enough? And if I could find words profound enough, a few letters smashed together to make a word just aren’t able to hold the feel or the description of some things. This I do know though. I know what it feels like to HAVE TO put pen to paper even when pen nor paper are anywhere to be found. A tear from a book, a napkin, a hand, a leg, or the leg of a neighbor…. All I know is that when the mood strikes it can be dangerous from its explosion if it doesn’t have an outlet sometime somehow somewhere about something.
This doesn’t make much sense, does it? I’m sorry. I am so sleepy. I’ll post, but regret it in the morning. Instead, I ought to delete and head straight to bed….
Interesting question. I think in my life the most painful circumstances have ended up being the most beautiful stories. I just have to wait out the Author of my life and determine where he was leading me all along. I think too that if we write in the moment, we gain a unique perspective later. The words we penned in the “then” allow us to relate to someone going through the same circumstance but give new credence to all we have learned since “then”. Our perspective shifts over time, and the words we write in the moment keep the memory untainted. Whether untainted is good or bad is an entirely different discussion.
I’m reminded of the words of Burton Rasco: “What no wife of a writer can ever understand is that a writer is working when he’s staring out the window.” In my case, the same can be said of husbands of writers.
As for your question, I’d have to say, for me, not everything can be put to paper… not in a public domain… not unless I want to do the name changing thing… or find a new spouse, perhaps. The writer is often bound by higher commitments, greater loyalties, or should be.
I get that look too and have often been thought to be ignoring people. I’m truly not–just filing away what is said and examining it through the lense of a new eye.
Well said, Billy. As always.
My wife and I have this inside joke that whenever we’re faced with a scenario that might take a turn for the worse, I’ll say, “well, if it does it will make a good story”.
At first she wasn’t sure that she liked this idea, that I was always writing in my head and maybe even secretly hoping for us to show up at a housewarming party on the wrong night. But now she understands how integral it is to the way i think and process things, and so we laugh about it.
great post Billy.
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This post was mentioned on Twitter by BridgetChumbley: RT @katdish: So, did you know @billycoffey has Wandering Eyes? He does: http://bit.ly/ciK3lW…
Good thoughts on the subject, and a postive reminder that life is our material, and writing is not just about words. I love the line ‘Not because nothing is sacred, but because everything is’ – excellent summary on a writer’s life.
Wow, Billy, this was powerful and beautifully written. Actually, I want to say “crafted.” Because writing, when done well, is every bit as intricate and precious as a fragile-yet-strong work of pottery – or poetry. You are a master craftsman.
You really should do this for a living, y’know.
The answer is no. Not that we MUST or need to feel pressured to, but looking back across years and considering many things people haven’t wanted to TALK about much less WRITE about, I still haven’t met one that, as you say, with time and healing, cannot be put to the page in some way.
“What’s mentionable is manageable, and everything is mentionable.” – Fred Rogers
Sure, bad things can happen to a writer. But that doesn’t mean it won’t be a good story.
A writer in always writing – so true.
Happy Weekend!
All things work together for good for those who love God. We’ve been promised. So my answer is that while not everything that happens is good and God did not cause it all, He redeems it. He transforms it. He turns it into something worthy.
And that’s great cause for hope, don’t you think?
I have writer’s eyes, too.
I don’t even want to answer your question. I just want to sit and bask in the glow this post sheds all over me. I thought I was the only one who did that. My own wandering eyes have unnerved so many people. You get it, though. The morning really does stare right back, doesn’t it?
I do think bad things can happen to writers; sometimes, the writing brings the healing of the thing. I know it is doing that for me in my God-love story of late.
Really great post. I am so passing this on.
Can anything truly bad happen to a writer? Oh yeah. The Lord WILL use it for good, so it’s not all bad. But not being all bad doesn’t take away the bad, it’s just bigger than the bad.
I’m always writing too, but I don’t get asked that question as often. Maybe my eyes don’t wander quite as much.
First things first, dude .. you need to write a book about writing. I have several here that I bought for my oldest. Some are good, some not so much. I’ve seen glimpses of brilliance in him ( don’t we all see this in our children? anyway I digress..) For not only are you a gifted writer but I see a teacher in you as well.
I’m not a writer … well I’m kinda sort of a wee bit of a writer because I, on occasion, take experiences both good and awful and try to sort out in words how they have made me feel. In hopes of encouraging someone else … for I cannot imagine letting suffering just pass by without gleaning something good from it to pass on to someone else in the hope of easing their pain just a bit. As for the good, I have never been someone to keep good stuff to myself, I just love to share.
Unfortunately bad things happen to everyone … I agree with Kelly, the writing brings the healing. Even for non writers like me. For me, often it begins and ends with just me and I’m good with that. For writers like you Billy it shines, sending waves of healing to many.
seriously … think about the writing book =)
YES! I have had SO many people say to me, “You seem distracted. Is everything okay?” Oh man, it’s the same thing. I dare my eyes to focus on the human being right in front of me, but they start to water and burn as if they will surely freeze that way if I don’t look elsewhere. Wow, you got me…but not for long, as your pen will wander to the next realization.
Oh, and to answer your question…I read a quote once: “Everything that doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger. And later on you can use it in some story.” Tapani Bagge
In answer to your question, “Can anything bad happen to a writer?” — humorist S.J. Perleman said, “In other words, misery breeds copy.” That’s sure been true for me!
I understand the tendency to vacillate between the here and now and the fictional world. As writers, we can’t help it. I must get a certain look on my face when something a person says or something I see sends my mind skittering to my alternate universe because my husband will say, “You’re thinking about your story, aren’t you?” Thankfully, Gwynly understands and doesn’t feel neglected. In fact, he serves as my plotting partner and will do his best to warp to my other world with me. I’m blessed to have him–and I know it. He’s not jealous of my love affair with writing, and I do my best not to be envious of the curvy blond MGB sports car in the garage who makes his heart race and occupies many of his thoughts.
You said it all right here: “a writer is always writing.”
So true.
You ended with a whopper of a question, didn’t you? LOL.
Everything that happens to us, writer or not, helps us grow. Us, as writers, yeah, it’s fair game for ink on a page…that’s just how we’re wired. How God wired us.
It’s a good thing, though, because those who read our stuff, maybe they’ll be touched somehow, some way . . . .
Great post, Billy. Happy Friday.
Another awesome post on writing. You have done an amazing job summarizing what I’m sure MANY of us feel. (just look at the comments)
I think the place I feel the worst for ‘drifting’ in my thoughts is at church… somehow I feel guilty when I’ve completely zoned out (oops)!
And, I completely agree with Lynn (and others) that if the difficulties we’ve lived through can reach even one person who needs it… then it was worth writing it, no matter how painful it may have been.
I really enjoyed this post! Thanks Billy. I’ve never got to sit in a conversation with you, but I’m glad you’re a writer.
I’m not so bad with “the wandering eye” but I’m really bad about “the wandering brain.” I have to be really careful about being so lost in my little writer world that when people walk in and call my name, I bark: “WHAT?!” (My boss really frowns on that kind of attitude…)
I don’t write constantly in my mind, although when I’m in a more ‘writing’ frame of mind I do think about writing while I’m experiencing things. But when I’m with people having a serious conversation, I’m in the moment. Maybe it comes from also being a teacher (I homeschool my children) and being with my kids twenty-four hours a day. I can’t think about writing when there are tons of distractions. I think that’s why some of my best ideas come late at night, when it’s quiet.
I wrote about how I became a writer three posts ago. I truly love writing, but I suppose I shouldn’t call myself a writer since I don’t do it for a living and it is more of a hobby for me. Or perhaps I am just a different kind of writer. Lots of emotions tied up in it all, for sure.
As far as your question goes, I like the quotes people have put up and I don’t have anything else to add.
The intimacy of that relationship so well described leads me to think am I really meant to write? It is clear from your writings and from the intimacy described that this was meant to be your calling in every sense of the word.
About the question I will have to leave that to the experts. I am still attempting to write.
Beautifully stated. Since I was little–before I had any idea I was a writer–people have asked me, Where do you GO?! Not until I was in my late thirties, when I started writing, did *I know. Not until I saw a photograph someone captured of my mental “escape” did I even understand what they were talking about. Eyes “over there,” glazed, pensive, studied … collecting what would later end up on a page.
I’ve written for newspapers and magazines, and published a sizable body of both nonfiction books and novels. My answer to your question “Is there any situation, any event, that with time and healing cannot be put to the page?” is NO. Landing in the right format is the key. Some truths are best told through fiction. Other times, it’s head-on nonfiction confession, expression and flat out hysterical commentary on our lives.
I believe if we honor the Truth of our own stories, no matter what the format, it will resonate with others. The hardest things to write about often deliver the most healing balms for both the writers and readers.
Thanks for the topic. It’s a gooder!
I’m glad it’s not just me. Sometimes I wish i could turn off the words for a few minutes and just enjoy life. I’m trying to enjoy it through the words as much as possible.
It’s true, I think. Writing is an opportunity to really see that truth. It’s such a gift because it helps you live in that truth. If you piece together the world puzzle, you inevitably think your way to seeing the beauty in grace in absolutely everything. Even terribly hard things.
Love this post, Billy.
That should have been “beauty AND grace.” I didn’t piece together my words very well
[...] how I feel every time I write, especially when I’m writing poetry. As Billy Coffey said the other day, the words are always there; for the writer it’s just a matter of pulling out [...]
First, to Heather of the EO, I love your original words – “beauty in grace” – because by God’s grace we are able to survive the most heart-rending tragedies and again see the beauty in life.
Second, to Billy, in several of my novels I wrote about the loss of a child, and I believe I was able to do so effectively (at least that’s what my readers thought) because I was drawing on my own painful experience of losing a daughter to meningitis. I needed years of coping with my loss before I COULD write about similar situations, but then the writing served as a very healing force in my life, and I hope in the lives of others, too.
Sue Harrison
God has redeemed all the hardest, worst things that have ever happened to me. They have come to define me and my worldview. They have made me stronger. I don’t like pain – who does? And yes, I’ve asked God why. But what I know is that God redeems all those things we call “bad.” He promises to: Romans 8:28. To me that sounds like a happy ending.