On love and writing
February 11, 2010
image courtesy of photobucket.com
For some reason I sort of unconsciously fell into a pattern of writing about writing for the past few Fridays, which has turned out quite well despite the fact that what I know about the technical aspects of being published can be summed up in less than a paragraph. Since this is the last post I’ll do before Sunday, I thought I’d have to forgo anything along those lines and write something Valentine-ish.
Then again, maybe I could do both.
Because for writers, their craft is irreparably entangled in love. It is an affair of both the mind and the heart that is equal parts passion and indifference, joy and misery. It is falling in love and falling in hate all at the same time.
Both love and writing begin in much the same way. There is a bit of trepidation with a lot of Should I really be doing this? running through one’s mind. But the more you try to convince yourself you should ease away, the more it quietly pulls you in. And the more you remind yourself of the hurt and pain that may result, the more you’re also reminded of the sheer bliss.
And, eventually, you fall in. Fall in love with either a person or the act of giving thought and feeling life. Small steps at first—a flirtatious comment, a few short sentences. You have one foot upon a path that leads into a very black but very inviting unknown and the other safely planted in your own familiar but dull world, and you must choose. Will you plunge and offer your heart? Or will you instead play it safe, trusting that a familiar loneliness is better than the risk of a new and different one?
But then you come to the realization that you don’t really have a choice at all. To have one foot upon the path of the unknown is enough. You are in and on and there is no going back.
There are decisions that are arrived at by clear thinking and careful planning. Love is not one of them. Neither is writing. Those are decided by the heart. The mind may come along for the ride later. It also may not.
And therein lies the risk. Sometimes what we think is love isn’t really, just as sometimes what we consider destiny, one in a million, is temporary and common at best. Love and writing can both seem so simple and so easy at first, but they’re not. That’s what can happen when you approach both with much feeling and little thought.
You have to know what you’re getting into from the start.
With love and with writing.
Because it won’t always be easy. The shine can fade into shadow at times and the cloud you think you’re walking upon can evaporate and leave you tumbling. And you come to face the hard fact that what was once trouble-free is now fraught with it and the sunrise you thought you were enjoying is really a fire that threatens to consume you.
There is a truth to love, and it is the very same truth to writing—both take work. Hard, difficult, daily work. And without that work you are destined to fail. Because neither of them are the rocks we believe them to be. They are not enduring. They are not solid all the way through.
They are fragile, castles of sand facing a raging tide that must be built and rebuilt again.
And therein lies their worth.
The precious things in life are not the ones that last regardless, but the ones that must be tended to. The ones that must be nurtured and cared for and, above all, practiced. Love is like that. Writing, too. Both will wither without attention. Both can seem like the real thing and not be.
And both can bring a sense of peace and joy that few things in this world cannot. They are the means by which we seek to assure ourselves we are not alone in this world. That our thoughts and our feelings matter.
That we have a worth and a purpose beyond ourselves.
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25 Responses to “On love and writing”
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I’m a writer whose first novel, Snow Day, will be published by FaithWords in 2010.
But don’t let that fool you. I’m just as confused as anyone.
And that is fine with me, because the great thing about wandering around in the fog is that you never know what you might run into.
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“The shine can fade into shadow at times and the cloud you think you’re walking upon can evaporate and leave you tumbling.”
This is the often-unspoken truth of love and writing. It isn’t always bliss. But like you said, “The precious things in life are not the ones that last regardless, but the ones that must be tended to.”
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This post was mentioned on Twitter by gyoung9751: On love and writing by @billycoffey. http://www.billycoffey.com/2010/02/on-love-and-writing/…
“To have one foot upon the path of the unknown is enough. You are in and on and there is no going back.”
Okay, so we’re on the path… and there’s no turning back, and there’s no room for laziness, in love or in writing.
Better get busy. Who’s putting on the next pot of coffee?
Right on, Billy.
You really said it well here. Both need to be tended to–daily! Great job. Hope you have a great weekend!
Absolutely beautiful words and sentiment, Billy. I’ve so enjoyed these posts about writing. Thanks for sharing your feelings so eloquently.
“…decided by the heart.”
Mmm. True.
Speaking of writing, I’ve fallen in love with your style in the past several months and am anxiously awaiting your book. Thank you for taking the risk.
Oh my.
“Castles of sand” and “raging tide” indeed.
What a knock-the-wind-out-of-a-person post, Billy.
And you make it look so easy & seamless. Who knew? Your love for writing is so evident, as is your love for love. Thank you for sharing your heart with us.
Brilliant, as always.
“They are the means by which we seek to assure ourselves we are not alone in this world. That our thoughts and our feelings matter.
That we have a worth and a purpose beyond ourselves.”
I’m just at the beginning…the honeymoon stage. Somehow your words are perfectly able to express what I’m feeling. This sums it up for me. I just wish I could say it as well as you do.
Beautiful and so accurate. This writing thing impacts me the same as falling in love in that it keeps me up some nights too.
~ Wendy
You know how you can tell that you are an amazing writer? You touch us all so deeply with your words, but we are all responding to different phrases.
“The precious things in life are not the ones that last regardless, but the ones that must be tended to. The ones that must be nurtured and cared for and, above all, practiced. ”
That’s my opinion, anyway.
It is the same with photography – really, with anything that makes you come alive. This is beautiful.
I feel so validated right now. Thanks! Beautiful post!
Wow.
They’re both about passion, and keeping it alive. Passion isn’t limited to love or writing but to have all three be a part of your life is to know the power of the gifts He bestows on us.
Wonderful essay!
I’m pretty sure you could write about how to snake out a septic tank and make it beautiful and poetic…
I really needed to read this today, Billy. Thank you (wiping away tears). It is such hard, hard work sometimes.
Great stuff Billy! And I gotta say… I’m a little jealous…
You just ROCK dude!
I put up a post about writing and then I come over here… sigh
Some very hard truths here. Thank you. Billy if one wants to email one of you posts to a friend how does one do that? I do not seem to see an email link. I know your old blog had that. Unless I am missing it somewhere on here. Thanks. I guess I should ask is it okay to email your posts?
That really touched me. Very well written.
Feels like you read my mind. It is like falling in love (and out of it at times). “you come to the realization that you don’t really have a choice”, That says so much, sometimes writing (at least for me) seems like I am beeing drawn in by a magnet; a magnet that has a sharp point just waiting to make contact and make me feel just a little more. Enjoying your posts friend! God Bless, words do have life.
It is like falling in love, isn’t it? I listened to a Don Miller podcast today in which he describes the brain anatomy involved in falling in love (it’s the amygdala) and how long the chemical change in the brain lasts (it’s about two years). After that, a different chemical change moves in…one that is sweeter and less obsessive.
I can’t wait for that part.
Wow, beautifully written. As a new blogger, you summed up my feelings perfectly. Thank you!