Billy Coffey
Billy Coffey

A Matter of Space

March 26, 2010  

photo by photobucket.com

photo by photobucket.com

Whenever I need some good advice, I always go find one of our town’s retired preachers. One of the retired Baptist preachers, to be more precise. Not because of the particular brand of Christianity he espouses, but because of his experience. He’s been around, this preacher. He’s done things and he knows things and he’s more than happy to help me along.

My problem of late hasn’t been spiritual or physical or emotional, but rather a curious bundling of all three that can be summed up in two words: I’m busy. The preacher and I both agreed that was a good thing, what with idle hands being the devil’s handiwork and all. But there’s just the busy and nothing else, and that seemed to be my problem. I’ve been doing so many things I enjoy that I stopped enjoying them. So I sat in his office one afternoon a few days ago and explained it all.

“Make sense?” I asked him.

He stroked his beard and nodded a yes.

“So what do I need?”

“Nothing,” he said.

“I don’t need anything?”

“No, I didn’t say that. I said you need nothing.”

I suppose I should mention that while this particular preacher is both wise and experienced, talking to him at times reminds me of what it would be like to talk to Yoda—beneficial if you can hang in there long enough, but aggravating in the meantime.

“Understand?” he asked me.

I shook my head and said, “Yes.”

“What I’m saying is that God put us here to do His work. That is part of enjoying life. But He also put us here to learn and grow. That is the other part of enjoying life. You’re doing okay on the first. Not so much on the second.”

“Okay,” I said, “so what do I need to do to get better at the second?”

“Nothing.”

I leaned back and tilted my hat up a little more.

“I gotta say this conversation’s starting to tick me off a little,” I told him.

He smiled and said, “Sorry. I know it sounds weird. It’s true, though. What you need is more nothing. To put it another way, you need space.”

“I can’t go off somewhere by myself.”

“I didn’t say you had to,” he said. “I’m not talking about that kind of space, I’m talking about perspective. You’re caught up in thinking that life is something to be attacked.”

“It isn’t?” I asked him.

“No. Life is something to dance with.”

“I don’t dance,” I said.

“Oh, I love to dance,” he said. “I can say that now since I’m retired. You know the Baptists and their fear of dancing.”

I nodded, he continued.

“My wife was the one who taught me. I got the steps down pretty quick. That wasn’t the problem. The problem was the space.”

“The space?”

“You need space between yourself and your partner. Get too close, and bad things happen. She said I was smothering her. Life’s the same—you shouldn’t be so close to it all the time. You need to keep it away from you a bit. Just a little, just enough so you can move without getting smothered. So that’s my advice. Think about it.”

I promised I would, and I did. And I realized in the past few days just how right he was. Space matters. A lot.

Up until the 1600s or so, printed words didn’t have a space between them. The only explanation I’ve heard for this was that people didn’t think there needed to be. So while you can now read a sentence just like this, at that time you’dhavetoreadasentencelikethis. That hurt my head just to write. I can imagine how you felt having to read it.

Space matters in other areas, too. The composer Claude Debussy said music was “the space between the notes.”

“Space is the breath of art,” said Frank Lloyd Wright.

I think I’m beginning to understand.

I think we can live life too intently. We can try to smother it and get smothered in the process. A little space solves that, I think. It’s the difference between seeing life as the end of the world and seeing it as the beginning of something greater.

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Comments

  • Katdish

    verytrueyourpreacherfriendisaverywisemanyesspace.

  • Katdish

    I crack myself up.

  • http://allthewordsare.wordpress.com Melissa

    wiseyourpreacherfriendis

    truehiswordsare

    -yoda

    crackingupisaddictive

  • http://www.gettingdownwithjesus.blogspot.com Jennifer @ GDWJ

    I can so relate. And Billy? Go do some nothing, OK?

    I appreciate you.

  • http://www.JanetOber.com Janet oberholtzer

    Love this … so true!

    Just today I was talking to myself (no one was around, so it was okay) about not wanting to get too busy … thanks for this timely post!!

  • http://www.steeletheday.com Candy

    So you’re saying hashtags were invented before twitter? #whoknew

    Need me some of that space. Will have to move something to accomplish that very soon.

    Katdishcracksmeuptoo.

  • http://thinkingtoodeeply.blogspot.com Karin

    Enjoyed the post, as I do all your writings. It took me almost a year, after retiring and downsizing my job, not to feel guilty that I had so much space and time. It was tough to resist that urge to fill the space and time with busyness and to convince myself that there was no need to feel guilt. It’s been a wonderful time of learning, growing, and adjusting the pace for more pleasant sunset years – however long a sunset the Lord will give!

  • http://lexiconluvr.blogspot.com L.T. Elliot

    I’ve recently come to understand this. A little space, a little time can rejuvenate me and help me endure longer. Glad you see this too.

  • http://topsy.com/trackback?url=http://www.billycoffey.com/2010/03/a-matter-of-space/ Tweets that mention A Matter of Space : Billy Coffey — Topsy.com

    [...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by katdish, Helenatrandom and Sarah Salter, Melissa . Melissa said: RT @katdish: RT @gyoung9751: A Matter of Space, new post by @billycoffey http://bit.ly/d99YZx [...]

  • kimbuktu

    I too tend to fill up my space with busyness. Instead I want my work to be more deliberate and count for something good, not just fill the time. Thanks for the post.

  • http://TheHomesteadHeart.com Tina Dee

    What an interesting post, well, your posts are always interesting to say the least, but what interesting timing for me to read this post now. I’ve been giving myself space on all the social networking, on the blogging, it was just too much without a breath between. I’ve missed being a part of the social network neighborhood, but I needed the rest, the space.

    Thanks for reminding us to dance, and to remember to listen to the music.

  • http://twitter.com/jpwire Jay

    I had to move away from home from the city to a small town looking for that space. I wasn’t wise enough to know it was an attitude change I needed. It took a while after I got here to find what I needed. That balance between fast and slow, busy and idle. But it’s in that nothing, in the space, where we hear God and his directions for our life. And that’s what I had been missing.

  • http://www.ubervu.com/conversations/www.billycoffey.com/2010/03/a-matter-of-space/ uberVU – social comments

    Social comments and analytics for this post…

    This post was mentioned on Twitter by sarahmsalter: RT @katdish: RT @gyoung9751: A Matter of Space, new post by @billycoffey http://bit.ly/d99YZx…

  • http://www.clarity-chaos.com Elizabeth (@claritychaos)

    I love the concept of the space between things. The space between the notes, the words. I love the idea of making space for life to surface, for conversation to bubble up. In fact, my husband and I were just talking about this last night.

    I really like this post, Billy.

    And I just told someone the other day, just start dancing and in time you’ll settle into a rhythm. I think that fits with the idea of not attacking life, just living it. Thanks for stuff to think about over coffee. :)

  • http://hisfirefly.blogspot.com HisFireFly

    “the space between the notes.”

    Thank you for helping us see the space between your words, the life between our breaths, the dance our Lord desires to share with us…

    Yesterday He spoke to me about listening.. another space between words..

    http://hisfirefly.blogspot.com/2010/03/too-many-words.html

  • http://www.randommusings-helen.blogspot.com Helen

    Interesting. It’s hard to find that balance. At least it is for me.

  • http://writingwithoutpaper.blogspot.com Maureen

    I have to share this, from Mary Oliver’s “Sand Dabs, Eight”:

    “What would it be like to live one whole day as a Ruskin sentence, wandering like a creek with little comma bridges?”

    Just let go.

  • http://www.BridgetChumbley.com Bridget

    Finding that balance is difficult! It’s like spinning plates… too few and it’s boring… too many and CRASH!

    Thanksforthis,Billy.

  • http://mybigthree.highcallingblogs.com Monica Sharman

    This kind of space idea comes at me all the time, from different people, regularly and frequently.
    One of these days it’ll get through my thick skull, permanently. It takes me a while to learn. (Although I am a teeny bit better at this than I was a couple of years ago.)

  • http://www.lisajordanbooks.com Lisa Jordan

    The Yoda reference made me smile.

    Hope you have a wonderful nothing weekend.

  • http://sandraking-beholding-god.blogspot.com/ Sandra Heska King

    Oohhhh . . . I like this! I have to read again. Then I’m going to go do nothing.

  • http://joyce-fromthissideofthepond.blogspot.com Joyce

    I like the remark about feeling life needs to be attacked. Some days I suppose it does but we also need to take a breather now and then…wise words from the preacher man.

  • http://www.fallible.com Katy McKenna

    I love this, Billy! It reminds me of lessons taught (I hesitate to say “learned,” since I still struggle) in the book “Margin” by Richard Swenson. Highly recommended. Today, I’m holding my breath until I get on a plane and the plane is IN THE AIR. Until then, I won’t be safe from the nursing home calling to say Mom’s in some type of emergency health crisis. But my darling daughter waits at the other end of the flight, and I WANT to see that girl. Need to be with her, for a change.

    All said, I hold my breath too much of the time, and that’s really not good for “nothing.” :)

    Thank you for this wonderful post!

  • http://dutchhillnews.blogspot.com Annie McMahon

    Space.

    Got it.

    LOL

  • http://katshappyathome.blogspot.com/ Kathy

    Very well said.

  • http://martyduane.com/ Marty Duane

    I read this post on my phone, and I’m finally able to come here and comment.

    This was an entirely new concept to me, and I’m still thinking about it.

    “Don’t dance too fast.”
    “The song won’t last.”

    Life is that way too, but I’m still meddling over this “spaces” idea. Wise pastor, but Billy, you and I are in the same place here. I’m doing okay with the first, and I need to do a little more nothing to obtain the second.

    Thanks for this!

    Marty

  • http://aspiretoleadaquietlife.blogspot.com A Simple Country Girl

    Is this why I cannot get Dobie’s “Drift Away” to stop playing in my head lately? Perhaps we all need a little time to drift away and latch onto some space? Dancing seems to be in the air today. That is partly what I spoke of too…

    Blessings.

    So, maybe you are doing the cha-cha and you need a little bit of waltzing. ;-)

  • http://www.keligwyn.com Keli Gwyn

    Space matters. I needed this reminder to add nothing to my schedule from time to time. Easy to say, but hard for Type A’s like me to do.

  • http://www.maryaalgaard.blogspot.com Mary Aalgaard

    A voice inside my head said, “Don’t shut down tonight until you read Billy Coffey.” Because I’m dealing with that DO versus BE problem. I’m going to remember “The Dance.” I’m going to think of life as the space between the notes, the white space on the page, and the moments when I don’t have to DO anything, I can just BE.

  • http://needmorewordscs.blogspot.com Diane Marie Shaw

    Space, it sounds divine.

  • http://lindayezak.wordpress.com Linda Yezak

    Some nice, quiet space would suit me just fine. Good post, Billy.

  • http://redorgray.com elk

    i feel the same way .

  • http://www.joyinthisjourney.com Joy, @reesespbc

    I’velivedmostofmylifelikethis.

    I married a man who lives like this.

    God definitely has a sense of humor.

    Anyway, I recently came to the same realization that your pastor friend explained. I don’t have enough space to slow down when I’m having a bad day or just want to go slower, let alone stop. So I’m making that space. I’m taking a leave of absence from my (part-time) job and taking a couple other things out of my weekly schedule. I’m hopeful that a little perspective will help me find the right amount of space for this chapter of life. Thank you for the encouragement of this post — it reinforced these steps I’m taking.

  • http://www.charleneannbaumbich.com Charlene Ann Baumbich

    Glad you’re talking about this–and that you are aware you are getting “caught up” in something. Even blogging every day, especially when one is being thoughtful, can erode our sense of peace.

    This essay parallels the themes in Don’t Miss Your Life!, my flagship book. In fact, I think I’ll get it out and read it again myself. Sometimes I know good stuff; sometimes I forget I know it. I recommend the next time you feel caught up, you read this blog post. Maybe bookmark it right now, just in case. You know some good stuff too. :)