Billy Coffey
Billy Coffey

What makes us laugh?

March 30, 2010  

image courtesy of photobucket.com

image courtesy of photobucket.com

In town on a very warm and very bright Saturday:

My family is parked at a picnic table outside the local ice cream shop, slurping down all manner of frozen treats. The shop is busy. People mill about, eager to partake in a ritual designed much more for spring than winter.

Some are more eager than others. Our eyes settle upon one man in particular who has summoned the courage to order three dips of chocolate ice cream on his cone. He pays and does his best to balance his desert until he can get to the table near us. Halfway there, though, his hand goes left while the ice cream goes right. The entire thing, cone and all, takes a ride down the front of his white shirt.

I snicker, which turns into a chortle, which turns into the sort of involuntary shaking that comes when you can’t help but laugh but don’t want to be seen laughing. My kids laugh, too.

The same very warm and very bright Saturday, but later:

On our way into the grocery store, we’re met by a woman carrying no less than five shopping bags making her way toward the parking lot. She’s trying but not quite able to see where everything is—her car, the traffic, a neighbor who says hello. She doesn’t see the rock in front of her, though. The one she trips over. She tumbles, spewing everything from hamburger to washing detergent.

My kids snicker, which turns into a chortle, which turns into the same sort of involuntary shaking they saw their father succumb to earlier at the ice cream shop.

I, however, don’t laugh. And I tell them they shouldn’t, either. Then I explain the difference between someone having an accident that could hurt them and someone having an accident that could just embarrass them. They stare at me. It’s tough having to explain the subtleties of humor to your children.

I’ve pondered about my children’s laughter since. Not that there is so little of it or even so much, if there is such a thing. No, what I’ve been thinking about is what they laugh at. What they think is funny.

Such a thing seems important to me. I think what makes us laugh says a lot about the sort of people we are.

If that’s true, then I would suppose my children are typical. What makes them laugh? Any sound emanating from any orifice on the human body. Boogers? Funny. Sneezes? Funny. Sneezes that produce boogers? Comedic gold.

But the scene at the grocery store bothered me. Partly because I was afraid I’d put the notion into their heads that such a thing was laughable, but partly because I’ve always been aware of the thin line between what should be funny and what shouldn’t.

The Bible never mentions Christ laughing. It mentions Him crying, of course, but never giggling. And though it may seem strange to say that God can giggle, I’m willing to bet that He can and does. Often. I’m sure Jesus had a great sense of humor. I’m sure He laughed. I think it was a pretty big oversight not to include that in the gospels. Knowing what Jesus found funny would come in handy to parents.

The question of whether we should find cause to laugh in this life is one that I think never needs asking. As dark and dreary and frightening as the world can be at times, there is an equal measure of light and beauty and anticipation. I like to think that no matter what our circumstances or worries may be, there is always plenty to be joyful about if we go looking for it.

A day without laughter is a day lost. It means that in the ongoing struggle between the hope we all seek and the despair the world seems intent upon handing us, the world has won.

That’s what I want my children to know.

But I want them to know this as well—much of the humor they’re privy to is merely hate wrapped in a punch line. It drips meanness. It lifts our spirits but tarnishes our souls. It isn’t nectar, it’s sweet poison.

I’m going to make it a point from now on to watch what I laugh at. To pay attention. To be a better dad.

Because I have a sneaky feeling that a lot of what makes me laugh would make God cry.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? (Please say no.) Because I’m also starting a new bi-weekly post over at The Master’s Artist today. So please stop by and let me tell you how writing is like finding Easter eggs. Because it is. Really. And even better, you’ll meet some fabulous people while you’re there.

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Comments

  • http://lexiconluvr.blogspot.com L.T. Elliot

    This is something I worry about for myself a lot. Not just because I wonder at what I’m teaching my kids but what I’m not teaching them. It takes a lot to get me to laugh. I smile often but laughter doesn’t come easy to me. I worry that my kids won’t feel “safe” to laugh because although there’s some things that shouldn’t be laughed at, laughter is something no child should do without.

  • http://faithfictionfriends.blogspot.com Glynn

    There’s a laughing with and a laughing at. The laughing at is the kind that “makes God cry.” Good post, sir.

  • http://katshappyathome.blogspot.com Kathy

    My post today is actually about me finding farts funny. Not spectacular but true :) I think a lot of people laugh at people falling down. There’s probably been a million videos of that such of thing (look at America’s Funniest Home Videos..lots of falls there). I agree with you that it’s not nice to laugh at people getting hurt.

  • http://www.ubervu.com/conversations/www.billycoffey.com/2010/03/what-makes-us-laugh/ uberVU – social comments

    Social comments and analytics for this post…

    This post was mentioned on Twitter by billycoffey: New post! What Makes Us Laugh? http://bit.ly/cjmxwz…

  • http://www.moonboatcafe.com Cassandra Frear

    I have been the victim of this kind of laughing. For years, as a child, I was. And I have experienced it as an adult.

    I think the line is this: is it demeaning in any way? Is it an expression of contempt?

    This is the opposite of love and respect.

    Good thoughts.

  • http://www.asgoodadayasany.wordpress.com Marilyn Yocum

    Shaping ideas about humor was one of the biggest challenges we faced in 30 years of working with teens, but it also made the biggest difference to teens’ feelings of self-worth and safety within the group.

    The rule:
    “Healthy humor never gets a laugh at someone else’s expense.”

    It’s not always easy to identify the unhealthy situations, but as a group or family improvement continues to come. LOVED this post!

  • http://susan-moment.blogspot.com/ S. Etole

    Some very good thoughts on both your posts … the hiding/finding and the laughing …all part of that “cheer-up” … you have overcome the world … maybe not something to laugh at but certainly worth a major smile

  • http://lauraboggess.blogspot.com laura

    I think Jesus must have had a crazy funny sense of humor too. How else could he get 12 guys to follow him without so much as a “please”?

    This is such a good post to get me thinking about the example I set for my kids, Billy. Thanks for that. This is a good week to take stock of all those kinds of meaningful things, isn’t it?

    Happy Holy Week.

  • http://www.keligwyn.com Keli Gwyn

    I’m sure God laughs. After all, He’s the creator of laughter. I like thinking of Jesus sitting around with the twelve, sharing some down time, and having a good, healthy laugh together.

    I feel certain I give the Lord plenty to laugh about, albeit ofttimes unintentionally, as I bumble my way through life. Not that He’d laugh at my expense, mind. Like you, Billy, He would make those important distinctions. Laughing with someone is fun. Laughing at someone is not.

  • http://www.maryaalgaard.blogspot.com mary aalgaard

    Hi, You’re a great dad – a great parent. Trips and falls are tricky when it comes to humor. All the great comedians do it for a cheap sight gag. We laugh at ourselves as long as it doesn’t hurt. But, it really does hurt, so why do we laugh? I think some of our laughter comes from nerves or a need to release tension. And, yes, modern sitcoms use personal attacks and criticism for a cheap laugh. We might not have truly responded with laughter, but the canned laugh track trains us to. I had a friend who said that when she watched those shows with her teens, she’d ask, “Why was that funny?”

    Oh, I know God has a sense of humor. We see signs of it every day.

  • http://blog.breakthroughalaska.com jasonS

    I hear what you’re saying and have had many of the same thoughts. I think what Mary said in the previous comment is also true. The shows we watch (especially kids) have a lot of ‘funny’ falls in them for cheap gags. We and they are trained in some ways to find certain things funny. All we can do as parents is what you did, try to explain the difference and why it’s important.

    And I do believe God has the best sense of humor (we are made in His image, right?).

  • http://www.frisbiesrus.blogspot.com Lorianne

    I KNOW He laughs at me…. Great Post.

  • http://www.randommusings-helen.blogspot.com Helen

    You are a great dad. Working through these things for their sake as well as yours is important.
    I think Jesus used humor sometimes, we just don’t read the Bible in the same tone in which He spoke sometimes. We always imagine him speaking solemnly instead of with a smile. Imagine Him warning about the plank in the eye with a smile on His face. I imagine people laughed, even as they understood the truth of what He was saying.

  • http://sandraking-beholding-god.blogspot.com/ Sandra Heska King

    It’s cool that God gave us tears to laugh and tears to cry, and both are healing to body, soul, and spirit.

    Here’s to lots more healthy laughter.

  • http://debholmes1.blogspot.com Deb

    Great thoughts, Billy… I think God would have a great sense of humour but I really like your challenge about what we laugh at. The thought of my laughter bringing sadness to God is not funny at all….

  • http://godsheart-heart2heart.blogspot.com Kat

    Billy,

    WOW what a powerful statement you left us with! Better to be cautious and look out at what we really do laugh at and find funny!

    Love and Hugs ~ Kat