Billy Coffey
Billy Coffey

The Bad Between

April 21, 2010  

photo courtesy of Beckey Zimmerman

photo courtesy of Beckey Zimmerman

I see him by the steps as I pull up. Standing there, staring at the door. He’s still there when I park, still there as I climb out of my truck with shopping list in hand. Still there when I sidle up beside him.

“Hey Charlie,” I say.

He turns and looks at me. “Hey.”

“Whatcha doin’?”

“Oh,” he says, “just waitin’.”

“Uh-huh,” I answer.

I decide not to say anything else. I know what might happen if I do, and I know what might happen after that. Because Charlie is one of those people who can start a conversation in the real world and finish it somewhere in the Twilight Zone.

But then I figure what the heck, I have some time to kill.

“You know,” I say, “they’re not gonna bring your groceries out to you. You gotta go in and get them yourself.”

Charlie nods. “Yep,” he says. “I’ll be going in directly. Just gotta wait for it to leave.”

“Gotta wait for what to leave?”

Charlie points to the flying speck of something in front of the door and says, “That.”

I squint my eyes and stare ahead, trying to figure out what I’m looking at. After careful consideration, I decide it’s a bumblebee.

“You’re not going in because there’s a bee in your way?” I ask.

“Yep.” Then he says, “Nope,” just in case he got his words mixed up.

The door swooshes open then as an older woman rolls her grocery cart out, oblivious to the certain death that hovered over her. Charlie winces as she walks past, exhaling only after she was clear of the danger zone.

“You allergic to bees, Charlie?”

“Nope.”

I nod, trying to find the right words to ask him what I need to ask him next. “You, um…you ain’t, you know…afraid of them, are you?”

“Nope.”

I nod again. “Okay, well want me to go get your beer?”

I don’t know for sure that Charlie is here for his beer. He might be low on something else, maybe hamburger or peanut butter or ice cream, because Charlie loves his ice cream. But he loves his beer even more, and I have a feeling that his shaky right hand isn’t completely due to the bee.

“Nah,” he says. “I’ll go. I got the time to wait. Just don’t wanna get stung.”

It’s then that I realized Charlie really is afraid. I’m not convinced that is a bad thing, though. No one likes getting stung by a bee. It hurts. Everyone knows that.

More than that, I realize people do this sort of thing all the time. Myself included. We all eventually realize not just where we were, but also where we want to be. And we realize there is usually some sort of Bad blocking the way. It could be a rejection slip or an unreturned phone call. Could be nerves or insecurity. Could even be the prospect of success after years of failure.

Regardless of what it is, that’s what’s floating between you and it. Between where you are and where you want to go.

The size of what’s blocking your way doesn’t matter either, because the fact of the matter is this—there is risk involved in proceeding further. You could fall. You could fail. You could be disappointed.
You could get stung.

And that hurts. Everyone knows that.

The alternative, of course, is to stay where you are. With practice and dedication you may convince yourself that you’ve gotten this far, which is further than some and maybe even most. That might be good enough. And you might even begin to believe that holding onto the prospect of what you could have done will be good enough.

I could have been a writer. Or a teacher. Or a nurse. I could have gone to school. I could have had that job or that career. But there was this Bad between me and it and, well, things just didn’t work out.
But you know what? That never works.

I know from experience that Could Have is just the same as Never Did.

“I’m gonna go in, Charlie,” I say. Then I look at him. “You know that bee’s gonna fly right out of my way, right? Because I’m bigger than the bee.”

“Yep.”

“Okay, then.”

I leave him there at the door and pick up the few things on my list. Charlie’s still standing there when I head back to my truck.

“Don’t want to get stung,” he says again.

“I know,” I answer.

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Comments

  • http://www.keligwyn.com Keli Gwyn

    Oooh, Billy, you got my number. I spent far too many years afraid of the Bad. What made me face my bee? I realized my life was changing, and if I didn’t change with it, I wasn’t gonna fare well.

    My Bad was what I call the end of an era. I’d been a stay-at-home mom all of our daughter’s fifteen years. But high school came, and she no longer needed me in the same way. Kids her age frown on parents hanging out. Being tenacious (and a bit sneaky), I figured out band parents are an exception, so I did a stint as Uniform Mom. However, that came to an end early in her Sophomore year, and I knew it was time for me to find a new endeavor, something independent of her, which I did. I decided to turn my long-held dream of being a writer into reality and started my first novel.

    Four years have passed, and I’ve grown tougher and braver than I ever thought possible. I’m not published yet, but I’ve learned heaps, was offered representation by our awesome agent last December, and am learning even more under Rachelle’s expert guidance.

    Because I embraced my dream and didn’t let fear hold me captive, I made a smooth transition to Empty Nester this past fall. It’s not easy to face our fears, but one can sure miss out on a lot of wonderful things by waiting for the big bad bee to simply disappear.

  • http://www.thisrestlessheart.com/ Kelly Langner Sauer

    Did you read my post from yesterday? You must have. You wrote this for me. I know it. I’m a serious, intentional bee-ducker. Wow. Thanks for the story, the picture. I needed this.

  • http://faithfictionfriends.blogspot.com Glynn

    It’s universal — how much we don’t do because we don’t want to get stung. How did we get so gun-shy? I don’t have a profound answer, or even a shallow one, but I think it has something to do with the flip-side of “I’m sufficient unto myself and I don’t need any one.” Good post, Billy.

  • http://debholmes1.blogspot.com Deb

    Yes… we all have bees buzzing around from time to time… nasty critters… and you know, sometimes they do just fly out of the way because we are bigger but sometimes we have to go in armed with a swat or some spray! Thanks for another great post, Billy.

  • http://redclaydiaries.com Steph

    I love this! I know that personally I’m getting tired of Could Have. And I let too many little bees keep me from where I want to go.

    Taking some steps forward right now. Hoping I don’t get stung. But also knowing that if I do, I’ll live thru it.

  • http://heathersunseri.blogspot.com Heather Sunseri

    Risking a sting is hard. But most of the time, the risk is worth it.

  • http://cheriehillblog.blogspot.com Cherie

    Why am I not surprised??…your insight to the depths of life are such a gift. Your posts have become treasures on my computer screen that cause me to reflect, to dig deeper into my Spirit, to draw nearer to God, and to look forward to your next amazing post. : )
    Blessings,
    Cherie

  • http://sandraking-beholding-god.blogspot.com/ Sandra Heska King

    Salt. I just thought of salt. Cuz we are the salt of the earth. Back in the day, they used to rub the skin of infants with salt to toughen them. So I feel like I’ve just been salted. Toughened a little. Look out, bee. I’m coming through.

  • http://www.ubervu.com/conversations/www.billycoffey.com/2010/04/the-bad-between/ uberVU – social comments

    Social comments and analytics for this post…

    This post was mentioned on Twitter by Helenatrandom: The Bad Between – http://www.billycoffey.com/2010/04/the-bad-between/ by @billycoffey…

  • http://briancrussell.net bman

    That was a great post. One of many things that I need to hear today, I’m sure.

  • http://recoveryourjoy.blogspot.com Louise

    That sting. Ouch. And yet, sometimes, the stings are the one’s that provide me the greatest possibility to grow — and to build up immunity to my fear of being stung.

    Great story Billy.

  • http://www.moonboatcafe.com Cassandra Frear

    I’ve been turning this idea around in my mind for weeks. I’m at a crossroads in my life.

    I can look back and see where I took great risks and did “okay.” I leaped a wall, I fought a hard fight, I’m still standing at the end — but I didn’t actually gain the things I really wanted from it. Somehow, I was way short of what was required to be fully successful and I’m clueless about what else I could have done.

    Then I turn and look at the future and what do I see? More risks. More uncertainty. Another series of challenges.

    I haven’t had the heart for leaping the wall again. God will have to share with my his heart this time. I’m too tired.

    I can’t decide which is worse: to try with all my might and fall short, or to decide to let the opportunity pass me by. I can’t determine by looking whether trying with all my might, facing fears, and leaping walls makes my life better.

    But I know this. It makes me better. Not more successful. Not stronger or braver or more competent in any way. No. Instead, it changes my heart. It humbles me. It makes me more compassionate and more aware of others. It makes me better at loving.

    Why this is, I cannot say. But the person God wants me to become is on the other side of the wall. I could leap over, or not. He leaves the choice to me. It isn’t success He’s after. It’s character.

    “For it is you who light my lamp;
    the Lord my God lightens my darkness.
    For by you I can run against a troop,
    and by my God I can leap over a wall.
    This God—his way is perfect;
    the word of the Lord proves true;
    he is a shield for all those who take refuge in him.

    For who is God, but the Lord?
    And who is a rock, except our God?—
    the God who equipped me with strength
    and made my way blameless.
    He made my feet like the feet of a deer
    and set me secure on the heights.
    He trains my hands for war,
    so that my arms can bend a bow of bronze.

    You have given me the shield of your salvation,
    and your right hand supported me,
    and your gentleness made me great. (Psalm 18 ESV)

    In the end, it is God’s gentleness that makes us great — makes us like him. But we must fight the good fight in front of us, leap the wall, run the path.

  • http://amysorrells.wordpress.com Amy Sorrells

    Some days I wish someone would huff and puff and blow my Big Bad away. Other days, I’m grateful for a sting that awakens me to hope and possibility. Awesome post, Billy!

  • Katdish

    Okay, fine. But what if the door greeter had been a zombie clown? Bet you’d still be out there with Charlie.

    Am I right? Or am I right?

  • http://somethingshewrote.blogspot.com/ Janna Qualman

    Billy, I’m new to your blog as of this post, but you’ve pulled me right in.

    This is a moving piece, so well told. Thank you for sharing this exchange, and all you gleaned from it.

  • http://dutchhillnews.blogspot.com Annie McMahon

    Great post, as usual. I love reading your blog. I always find something I can relate with.

    We go out of our ways sometimes to avoid getting stung. Sometimes the thorns we find in the back roads we take to avoid the bee are more painful than the sting itself.

  • http://togetherforgood.wordpress.com Erin

    Okay, it’s kind of creepy when you camp out in my brain. Or have you been reading my journals lately?

  • http://extraordinary-ordinary.com Heather of the EO

    As an aside, I feel bad for Charlie. For a number of reasons, including the fact that I too love beer too much AND I’m absolutely freaking terrified of bees.

    ahem.

    This is a great post, Mr Coffey. I love it. “Bees” have held me back a number of times. Fear. I’m slowly learning to walk through it and I always love what’s waiting for me on the other side, even if all it means, the only reward, is that I walked through it.

  • http://melissabrotherton.com Melissa Brotherton

    My kids have never been stung by a bee. They don’t have that same feeling of terror I get when I see one hovering around me. Instead of the sporadic bobbing & weaving I do, the proceed forward like a normal person. My kids also believe they can be anything when they grow up. Case in point – my oldest wants to be a rock star-race car driver-fireman. Nothing seems impossible to them because they’ve yet to be stung by disappointment and the idea of “can’t.”

    Jesus told us to be like children in our walk with Him, to boldly approach Him & have faith that He can make anything possible. Your post one in a string of promptings from God this week to set aside my fears & trust Him for what I am afraid to step forward in.

  • http://www.curtharding.com Curt

    BRILLIANT! Bravo Billy!

  • http://www.pridelandsmommy.blogspot.com *~Michelle~*

    Laughin’ out loud at Katdish!

    Yeah, I have had those big bad “BEES” rob a few years from me. But as I dig deeper with Christ, I learn the great plans He has for me. So now, I just suit up in His Armor and plow ahead. I have a spare fly-swatter in my back pocket just in case.

  • http://www.sarahsalter.com Sarah Salter

    I’ve always been a person who ran around barefooted a lot and when I was a little girl, I used to get lots of splinters in my feet. My Dad would sit me on the kitchen counter and pull out his pocket knife and a needle. He didn’t even have to touch me and I would commence to screaming. The thing is that he didn’t want to hurt me, but I was screaming and squirming so much that he couldn’t help but hurt me. If I’d just be still and quiet and TRUST HIM, it would have been over very quickly and not hurt much at all…

  • http://www.faithbarista.com Bonnie Gray | FaithBarista

    “Could even be the prospect of success after years of failure…”

    … decades …

    How do you do it? … Talk about the things I don’t want to … and leave me feeling glad that you did?

    Your post is the perfect exhale I need after my post today. Come visit with me and you’ll understand…

    Thanks, Billy…

  • http://www.endeanmom1.blogspot.com Beth E.

    I think we’re all afraid of getting stung. But nothing’s worse than being frozen in our tracks…time passes right on by!

    A good word, Billy Queen!

  • http://www.endeanmom1.blogspot.com Beth E.

    Oops…sorry. Billy COFFEY! I have another friend whose name is Billy Queen. lol

  • http://GrammyLinda@wordpress.com Linda

    Thank you for helping me realize that sometimes the “Bad” will just fly off if we’re brave enough to step forward! Not be afraid of what it is we want to accomplish.
    Billy Coffey, you are quite an inspiration!

  • http://hisfirefly.blogspot.com HisFireFly

    Excellent reminder of how we allow fear to stand in our way.

    What stings more however is all the missed opportunities!

    Outta my way Mr Bumblebee… I’m moving on.

  • http://www.prairielilyarts.com Susan

    Oh, how many priceless moments evaporate as we wait for all intrepidation to be removed?! How many of them are bee-sized, yet we see a mountain?! You’ve offered another beautiful illustration of life.

  • http://blog.breakthroughalaska.com jasonS

    Big or little doesn’t matter if we don’t get the fear out of the way. Great post, Billy.

  • http://www.randommusings-helen.blogspot.com Helen

    As always, well said, Billy.

  • http://katshappyathome.blogspot.com Kathy

    Wow Billy. This is wonderful! I realize the point is not the bee but I have a story about bees and my granddaughter. We have LOTS of bumblebees around here and I am HIGHLY allergic to them. Our 5 year old granddaughter Livi is scared of them and cries and swats at them and tries to run which just aggravates the bees more. I swallowed my fear and told her to just act like they weren’t there and the bees would act like she wasn’t there and leave her alone. It worked. She no longer freaks out on the bees by the back door. She just walks past them like they aren’t there :)

  • http://duane-scott.net/ Duane Scott

    Well-written as always. Lots of motivational thoughts in this post. One that I felt compelled to share… and when that happens, there’s a reason. Good writing / thoughts is normally the reason. Thanks for the great story!

  • http://www.deanbreaker.com/ Amy

    “Could even be the prospect of success after years of failure…”

    … decades …

    How do you do it? … Talk about the things I don’t want to … and leave me feeling glad that you did?

    Your post is the perfect exhale I need after my post today. Come visit with me and you’ll understand…

    Thanks, Billy…

  • http://thereluctanthomefront.blogspot.com Rebecca

    Like Melissa, I marvel at how fearless my kids are. They haven’t been beestung, they haven’t been broken-up with, they haven’t received a rejection letter or been turned down for a job. They see all the possibilities, while I see all the failures. Thanks for reminding me that the Big Bad might just fly out of my way…and even if it doesn’t, I’m not allergic to a sting.

    Thanks, Billy. I needed this today.

  • http://aspiretoleadaquietlife.blogspot.com A Simple Country Girl

    Billy, I reckon I would be standing with mister Charles, as I really am allergic to bees. And Katdish, I wouldn’t even get outta the car if there was a clown doorman. My word, clowns and bees– I better find a new grocery store.

    Blessings.

  • http://tsholo.wordpress.com/2010/04/24/reads-for-the-week-2010-14/ Reads for the week – 2010 – 14 « Hope In Love

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  • http://bahava.wordpress.com Katy

    wow, what a powerful story! thanks for sharing…

  • http://www.xanga.com/kamrandolph Katie

    I lived for so long afraid of the BAD…. it takes courage to face it. I am learning to find that courage. Thank you for the reminder to keep going.

  • http://lexiconluvr.blogspot.com L.T. Elliot

    “Could be nerves or insecurity. Could even be the prospect of success after years of failure.”

    Did Keli say it perfectly, or what? You’ve got my number, Billy. I don’t want to be paralyzed in front of the bad anymore.