Billy Coffey
Billy Coffey

Bringing the Heat

May 19, 2010  

Photo by Claire Burge

Photo by Claire Burge

Right around this time nine years ago, my wife shared the news that she was pregnant with our first child. And though there was joy (much, much joy), there was also something else. Something I had to keep swallowing lest it spew from every pore of my body.

Fear. I was scared. So scared, in fact, that it nearly shook my soul.

Not that I didn’t feel I was ready to be a father. My wife and I had stable incomes, our own home, and money in the bank; it was as good a time as any. No, the fear was something else. Something deeper.

Kids tend to see their parents as some sort of superhero/sage hybrid. I know I saw my parents as that. My father was the strongest, bravest, toughest man in the world. There wasn’t anything he couldn’t do. That image of him lasted nearly thirteen years until it shattered one July afternoon.

We were playing ball the way we always did in the backyard where we always did it—me standing with bat in hand in front of the maple tree, him twenty or so feet away near the clothesline. We tossed me batting practice for thirty minutes, lobbing baseball after baseball, until there was only one left in the bucket.

Gonna bring it, he said. He always said that before throwing the last ball. It meant no lobbing. No easy pitch. It was instead extra heat, a blur of white and an angry hiss I could never catch. He always dared me to hit it and I always dreaded him throwing it. Because that heat scared me. It was cowhide-stitched death…

I’m over at highcallingblogs today, so if you’d like you can see the rest of this story here. I will say this was a tough one to write. Subject matter is plentiful when it comes to parenting, but some of those subjects are ones I’m not all together comfortable with. At least not yet. But I’m trying.

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  • http://topsy.com/trackback?utm_source=pingback&utm_campaign=L2&url=http://www.billycoffey.com/2010/05/bringing-the-heat/ Tweets that mention Bringing the Heat : Billy Coffey — Topsy.com

    [...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Billy Coffey, Heather Sunseri, Maureen Doallas, Jay, Sarah Salter and others. Sarah Salter said: RT @billycoffey Posting today for @thehighcalling: Bringing the Heat ~ http://bit.ly/9tmqGh [...]

  • http://thinkingtoodeeply.blogspot.com Karin

    Very poignant as I ponder on my own mom and dad and our relationship over the years…especially in this week of her going to her forever place with Jesus! Thanks!

  • http://godsheart-heart2heart.blogspot.com Kat

    Billy,

    I love that your dad never made it easy by pitching that ball to where you could hit it. It’s that struggle and challenge that eventually won out and made you not fear those things any longer. Too many parents over compensate and make things easier for our kids in the learning process but they lose the challenge and the art of success I feel in not keeping it real.

    Love and Hugs ~ Kat

  • http://newdaynewlesson.com Susie

    I was scared for a moment before I went to read the rest of the story that something had happened to your dad.

    Am glad all it was that he was a bit weaker at throwing the ball.

    Again like always beautifully written.

  • http://www.auterytech.com/ Steve

    Very poignant as I ponder on my own mom and dad and our relationship over the years…especially in this week of her going to her forever place with Jesus! Thanks!