Billy Coffey
Billy Coffey

Calling home

September 7, 2010  

image courtesy of photobucket.com

image courtesy of photobucket.com

The tough thing about school starting is that I no longer have the option of talking to my kids during the day. I’ll tell you, dear reader, the backstory on that, just so you can understand the irony in that statement.

My speed during the nine hours or so I spend at work tends to fluctuate between all-out and breakneck. I’m a busy guy with a lot to do, which means there is little time for things like phone calls. Or eating, for that matter. And yet every Monday through Friday between the months of June and early August, my phone will ring approximately every seven minutes and I will hear the voice of one of my children on the other end.

Why they call is a matter of interpretation. Sometimes the reasons are practical in nature, such as the time a while back when I had to give directions on how to get a peanut butter and jelly sandwich out of the DVD player (not the first time that had happened). Some are general, such as the times when I was called to be informed about what was for supper or what games I would be participating in later that evening (for the record, I was seldom allowed input in either).

Most times, though, the reasons were simpler. More heartfelt. My children would call just to let me know what was going on, what they were doing and thinking and planning. They didn’t need advice our counsel, they just wanted to hear my voice. They wanted to know I was there, even if I wasn’t. And though I was nearly always in the middle of something when my phone rang, and though (I will admit this only if you keep it between us) there were times when I uttered an inward groan upon receiving the thirty-seventh call of the day, I always answered. Always.

Because you don’t avoid your children. Ever.

The truth was that I did more than get used to these hourly and sometimes by-the-minute updates about life at home. I learned to crave them. They brought me the comfort of knowing all was well and a sense that my children not only missed me, but wanted to talk to me. I knew the preciousness of that sense of belonging. The teenage years were not too far off in the grand scheme of things. I may be invaluable now, but I knew I could well be a nuisance then. I vowed to enjoy it while it lasted.

But now the summer is gone. We’re all two weeks into a new school year and the unavoidably frantic pace it brings, one that has already seemed to envelope us. I still go about my work; the pace is more frantic now, more all-out and breakneck. And the phone in my pocket has grown silent.

My kids have too much to do now. They can’t call.

There are no peanut butter and jelly emergencies. No quorum calls for supper or kickball in the backyard. No updates on how many butterflies were outside or how much water was in the creek. No hellos and I-love-yous and see-you-in-a-little-whiles.

I would suppose God feels the same way sometimes. In our seasons of rest and relaxation, of happiness, it’s easy to give Him a call. No doubt He’s busy, but never too busy to talk. He’s glad to hear from us. He knows how precious that sense of belonging is. But then those seasons end and others arrive, those times when things seem too busy or too stressful and calling Him becomes something we can’t do now but maybe later.

I wonder if I sometimes make God feel the way I feel now. I’m thinking yes.

Of course it’s the little things that have changed in my family—the big things are As Is. They’re still my kids and I’m still their Daddy. But I miss getting their calls, and I’m really hoping they miss giving them.

And I think that rather than continue to write about this, I’ll go pray it. I’ll call my heavenly Dad. And I think I’ll tell Him the same thing my daughter told me in a note she snuck into my lunch this morning.

Dear Daddy,

I’m good. I hope you are, too. I love you millions!

This post is part of the blog carnival on Hope, hosted by Bridget Chumbley. To read more, please visit her site.

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Comments

  • http://whiteplatonicdreams.blogspot.com/ T. Anne

    I loved this. I just got off the phone with my parents. My mother calls every day. It’s a challenge sometimes! BUT I hope my kids don’t mind when I want to keep in touch so much later in life. This was sweet.

  • http://joyce-fromthissideofthepond.blogspot.com Joyce

    I loved this too. Mine are older and of course caught up in life but we text a lot. Not quite the same thing as a call but I love that they will share some of the small parts of their day with me as they happen. My daughter who is in her own apartment now recently sent me a picture of her ‘just cleaned’ closet with the words…you’d be proud of me.

    We save the big things for real phone time or face to face but sharing the smaller parts of daily life help connect us.

  • http://susan-moment.blogspot.com/ S. Etole

    That note is a keeper …

  • http://sandraheskaking.com Sandra Heska King

    Awww, Billy. This is precious.

    I used to slip my dad notes in his lunch box–in a practical joke way. Either the note directly in his PBJ so he got a bite of it, or apologizing for the pepper I sprinkled in his sandwich–and telling him there was a replacement (which he probably already noticed when there were 3 sammies instead of 2.)

  • http://thinkingtoodeeply.blogspot.com Karin

    Your post struck a real deep chord! Beautiful!

  • http://hisfirefly.blogspot.com HisFireFly

    Now I have to go talk to my DAD too — hey.. we have the same Father!

  • http://dutchhillnews.blogspot.com/ Annie McMahon

    Okay, this blog post is worth not only a retweet, but also a Facebook post. I want everyone I know to read this. It’s that good!

  • http://kelybreez.com kelybreez

    Billy, I feel ya. I’ve got 6 kids, and the one thing I wish is that all of them had phones. (Of course, with the last 3 being 5, 3, and 9 months respectively, that’s not all that practical…) I find myself thrilled when I see my 17 year old son or 15 year old daughter show up on my text list. (Yes, they never call, since texting is the communication of choice, unless they want $ or to spend the night at someone’s.) I wish my 11 year old had a phone, because she uses my wife’s phone all the time, and sometimes I get confused on who’s telling me they love me.

    I have a rule in all my churchy type meetings, counseling, etc. — If it’s my wife, or one of my kids, I answer the phone, I don’t care who you are or how important you are, or how hard you’re crying. I say this in Christian love, of course.

  • http://randommusings-helen.blogspot.com/ Helen

    This is beautiful and thought provoking.

  • http://recoveryourjoy.blogspot.com Louise

    the note is definitely a keeper…

    and your children are definitely awesome!

    What a lovely post.

    Thank you.

  • http://faithfictionfriends.blogspot.com Glynn

    I’ve let dinners go cold when one of my sons calls. I’ll ignore what I’m working on. I’ll stop what I’m doing. This has never changed — and they’re 30 and 23. And now I have a grandson coming up. I can’t wait.

    Good post, Billy.

  • http://www.brockhenning.com Brock Henning

    And I badger God so often, not so much like a child but more like a discontented teenager. I’m griping, whining, complaining, demanding answers and that He solve my problems.

    Then He gently speaks, He does not yell or grow frustrated, or let the phone go to voicemail. And instead of running through my list of problems, He just says “I love you. Let’s just spend time together.” Funny how that softens me back to the wondering child, to sit in my Daddy’s lap and hear His voice. All of those problems don’t seem so big anymore.

    Good post. A humbling reminder for myself fathering a teenager and two younger kiddos.

  • http://www.jennifervdavis.com Jennifer Davis

    Very sweet! My prayer this morning was to have more patience with my children, and that includes answering the one million questions that my four-year-old has.

    I think you’re right; I’m sure God misses our voices. However, I’ve noticed in my life that it’s much easier for me to call God when I am stressed out rather than relaxing. Unfortunately, sometimes I take for granted that He wants to talk until I NEED to talk to Him.

  • http://heathersunseri.blogspot.com Heather Sunseri

    Love this, Billy! My daughter just got texting – limited texting, I might add – and I thought it was too early. We debated and debated. But the one thing I love about it? She sometimes manages to sneak a text in before she gets off the bus and has to put away the phone for the day just to tell me “I love you, Mom. Have a nice day.” I think God would appreciate a quick “I love you” in the middle of the day. You know, in the middle of the craziness. i think that might help me as well.

  • http://www.kellylangnersauer.com/ Kelly Langner Sauer

    Sweet is right… I love the way you relate to your kids.

    You know, I actually tend to talk to God more in the frenetic than I do in the quiet… that is odd, I think.

  • http://www.herigns.blogspot.com Marni

    Okay, that one made me cry a little. I love that my oldest still needs me enough to text me all the time. But I love that my youngest will call me (from school…on her teacher’s phone!) just to share her good math grade.

    I need to remember that God loves it when I check in, even with the littlest of updates. Thanks Billy!

  • http://www.gmariemerante.com ginger -daylilie222

    I had a really bad day yesterday. Down, hopeless, worthless. Today, I woke to messages. Every where I turn, there are little messages from God that I cannot avoid.

    This was one of them.

    Brillant as always.

  • http://writingwithoutpaper.blogspot.com Maureen

    Wonderful post. My only is 22 now, and I still can’t wait to get one of his calls or an e-mail.

  • http://kristalynnejensen.blogspot.com Krista

    Life is so short. What a wonderful example you are! Thanks for sharing. Calling home now.

  • http://www.joannesher.com Joanne Sher

    Too sweet – and TOO convicting. Gonna go make that call too :)

  • http://www.redletterbelievers.com David@RedLetterBelievers

    Too busy for God is a common excuse I have. “When I’m work, you can’t expect me to bring into my day, right God?”

  • http://www.endlessimpact.com jasonS

    Great way to think about it. They understand it’s nothing, it’s easy to get a hold of dad. We all just have to make the time.

    Also you mentioned that in the teenage years, you may be considered a nuisance. I would point out that you’ll probably be an embarrassment to them as well. It’s the circle of life. Just here to help. :)

    Thanks Billy.

  • http://aspiretoleadaquietlife.blogspot.com A Simple Country Girl

    Never avoiding our children, not ever. I am sad that more parents don’t live by this. And I am ever so thankful that our Heavenly Father does!

    As usual, great post. Fantastic lesson. Ya know, I wish someone would leave me a note. I think stay-at-home moms are the most neglected ones in the category of notes in the lunch box. But I reckon the hugs-on-demand even it out.

    Blessings.

    (I am glad this post didn’t have anything to do with that E.T. fella of my childhood…I guess that was “phoning home”)

  • http://ihavebeenchanged.blogspot.com Janelle Meendering

    My daughter is 15 and called me every morning when she woke up or got home from her job this summer; whatever the day held for her. Now that school has started, she calls me every day when she gets home; I see her name come up on my phone and I know the response on the other end is going to be: “Hi mommy! How are you?”

  • http://mythought-filledjourney.blogspot.com MTJ

    Hi Billy,

    Lynn Mosher suggested I come and checkout your writing so I’m dropping by for a visit. I grew up in Chicago and I’m one of those folk you mentioned who never much spent time on the front porch; mainly because there wasn’t one.

    I get what you’re saying about spending those times listening to the voices of your children especially at that time in their life. It may not seem like a big deal but to them it’s establishes lasting memories.

    Blessings and peace.

    MTJ

  • http://building-his-body.blogspot.com/ Anne Lang Bundy

    Beautifully written, Billy.

    Gotta love that God-talk involves no fees, no out-of-service areas, no premium calling times, no busy signals, unlimited minutes—and NEVER a dropped call.

  • http://bardingwell.wordpress.com/2010/08/19/writing-for-charity-event/ Lyn Bardwell

    Love it. Thanks for the reminder.

  • http://www.BridgetChumbley.com Bridget

    Precious words from your girl, Billy.

    Now I want to call my parents, hug my kiddos… and spend some time in prayer. Thanks for a beautiful post and timely reminder.

  • http://www.peaceforthejourney.com elaine @ peace for the journey

    I think I’ll go talk to Him as well… been a long, hard few weeks for me and my family; the pain meds have taken their toll on common sense thinking, reading, but I’m rallying and am ready to more fully engage with my Father.

    Blessed Sabbath rest to you and yours.

    peace~elaine

  • http://www.ordinarilyextraordinary.com/ Amy Nabors

    Love this post Billy. Thanks for reminding us to slow down and enjoy those little pieces of our days.