Billy Coffey
Billy Coffey

Chasing happiness

October 27, 2010  

image courtesy of photobucket.com

image courtesy of photobucket.com

She said “This better be worth it” and then wagged a finger in my face, as if I had any power at all in making it worth it or not.

As is often the case, I didn’t say anything in response. I just let her turn around and begin the walk toward her next class, where the exam she’d spent four days preparing for would be handed to her by a cold and serious professor who didn’t actually have any power in making it worth it or not, either. I wanted to tell her that, that and more. But by then she was gone.

Not that actually saying something would have helped. I’ve learned that for the most part you should just keep your mouth shut when someone is venting in your general direction. Using words is not your job. Even the kindest and most heartfelt advice can backfire. Let them say their peace and wag their finger and warn that this better be worth it. If you have to do something, just do things like nod and smile and purse your lips. That seems to work.

The tantrum above is of a fairly common sort around here, the result of a combination of too much course work to keep up with and too little time to do it all. I’ll give the young lady who was yelling at me credit, though. She was still trying. Most of the college students here give up around this time of year, content to either coast their way through the remainder of the semester or acknowledge defeat and withdraw.

But not her. She’s in this for the long haul. All of the papers to write and textbooks to read and exams to take are merely the last obstacle the must hurdle on the way to what she wants most in life.

Happiness.

That’s it, just that one word. While many people her age seem to have their futures already laid out in detail, including everything from their work to their home to what they’re going to drive, she’s kept things manageably broad. She just wants happiness. Whatever profession she ends up entering, whatever sort of house she ends up living in, and whatever vehicle she drives doesn’t really matter. Just as long as they offer her a happy life.

I didn’t really know what to say to that. I’d never known anyone who went to college just to be happy on the other side of those four years. And though I was tempted to say here reasons for studying so hard and fretting so much were good ones, I couldn’t. Because that just didn’t seem right to me.

There was a time when I measured my own happiness as the distance between the life I lived and the life I wanted. The closer those two lives approached one another, the happier I was. The farther away they drifted, the more miserable I became.

And that seemed right to me in a funny sort of way. I thought that everyone needed a goal, someplace to get to or something to accomplish. Such a thing kept people from fading away into the sort of death that can find the heart long before the body. I still think that’s true. But where I tripped myself up was in thinking that I couldn’t be happy until I got there.

I think that’s sort of what’s happening to the student who was yelling at me. “This better be worth it,” she said. By which she really meant, All of this work now better bring me happiness in the end.

Maybe it will. I certainly hope so.

But a part of me thinks she’ll learn what I did, that the things she seeks are with her now, this instant, and that she misses them because she constantly looks ahead rather than around.

She’s right in believing that happiness is a place and a time. But it isn’t later, somewhere else.

It’s here, now.

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Comments

  • http://lexiconluvr.blogspot.com L.T. Elliot

    This is one of those truths where I wish my mind wasn’t as much of a sieve. If I could remember this, really remember it, I think it would be easier to hold on to the happy. Thankfully, I get these gorgeous posts of yours and they help plug up the holes. Maybe someday sooner than I think, I’ll be holding more water than I thought.

  • http://underthedoorframe.blogspot.com jerry

    Thanks Billy…I’ll try looking around today.

  • http://sandraheskaking.com Sandra Heska King

    Oh, for eyes to see–the now, the here.

  • http://www.joannesher.com Joanne Sher

    YES. TODAY. Love this, Billy.

  • http://steeletheday.com Candy

    “…where I tripped myself up was in thinking that I couldn’t be happy until I got there.” Didn’t we all? Sometimes when you look back, it really was the the journey that was the happy part. You just didn’t look around.

  • http://amblessedbeyondmeasure.wordpress.com April

    You are right, happiness should be in the here and now. Actually, I think it’s more joy and peace and reliance on God. Because even if we do those things, happiness will not always be the result because we will have trials, however, if we are joyful and full of peace that God will work things out and we rely on Him for our everything, we will be in the best place possible and will come out of the trial to even greater happiness! It’s what we should strive for anyway. Live in the here and now and rely on God while we work toward the future.

  • http://joyce-fromthissideofthepond.blogspot.com Joyce

    I’m much more aware of the here and now these days than I was at 20. Life was fully in front of me then but as I’ve ‘grown up’ I’ve come to realize it really is all around me and I need to savor the here and now. Great post as always!

  • http://aspiretoleadaquietlife.blogspot.com A Simple Country Girl

    Indeed! Because in hindsight, happiness generally looks exactly like something you already knew and held. Perhaps we chase too fast to see that it is already in our grasp…

    Blessings.

  • http://writingwithoutpaper.blogspot.com Maureen

    The wisdom that comes with age and experience….

    Great read.

  • http://katkola.ning.com Kat

    This is something I have to learn, relearn and be reminded of often! I’ve learned that setting goals is good, planning is good, expecting is sometimes good but relying on ANYTHING outside of your inside to make you happy is not so good.

    Thanks, Billy, for the gentle but timely remember.

    Warm regards,
    Alice (Kat) Shevitz

    http://www.inkspot.com/main/view_item/user_id/katkola

  • http://heatheragoodman.com Heather

    Great post.

    To my mind, too many people try to make too much of a distinction between happiness and joy. I don’t think the different lies between the two terms. I think it lies in exactly what you said–are we chasing it (especially via circumstances) or are we choosing it (in and/or despite circumstances)?

  • http://www.endlessimpact.com jasonS

    Excellent. Looking ahead instead of looking around. That’s very true and profound.

    Thanks, Billy.

  • http://www.ordinarilyextraordinary.com/ Amy Nabors

    I wish someone had told me this truth when I was in college and even during the 13+ years I’ve been out of college. It’s only in the past couple of years I’ve learned God wants me to live in the present and not the past or future.

  • http://dougspurling.blogspot.com/ Doug Spurling

    Thanks Billy – well said truth.

    Here and now – the happiest most joy filled place anywhere.

    Why?

    In the presence of the Lord is fullness of joy. And He is The “I AM”.
    …not the I was, or I’m gonna be but “I AM”.

  • http://www.jeffjordanblog.com jeff jordan

    I really liked this, Billy…especially “looking around instead of forward.” Probably needed to hear that today. Nice seeing you the other night.

  • http://www.walkingwithangels.wordpress.com sara

    For a long time i kept saying “I will be happy when” but the when never came every time i came close the goal post moved or my wishes changed. Then I finally got it, happiness is something we should experience every day, wherever we are. Life is for living and each day is special

  • http://caryjo-roadrunner.blogspot.com Joanne Norton

    Wise. How many of us ever slow down to see the happiness around us, but, instead, are always fighting for what’s going to for certain sure come down the golden path for us…. over time and time and half a time…. and it never reaches us … just because..

  • http://www.awomansview.typepad.com Lenore Buth

    Sooo true, Billy. How often don’t we look back and realize that we paid no attention to something precious way back when? It seems we have to be long past before we see the good in something or someone that we complained about at the time.

    Thanks for the reminder. The time to be happy and thankful IS now. Truth is, it’s all we’ve got.