I blame the wedding for all of this. The royal one, I mean. William and Kate, the Duke and Dutchess of…something or other. Yes, it’s all their fault.
I share part of the blame, of course. I didn’t have to record their nuptials, even if my daughter looked at me with those pleading eyes and asked me to do so. And I didn’t have to let her see the ceremony. Or the pretty white dress. Or the fancy church or the waving crowds and the first kiss.
Didn’t have to. But I did.
Those pleading eyes are going to get me into trouble someday.
Now I have to deal with the aftermath of all this. Since then, my little girl (MINE, mind you) has been all atwitter about her own wedding.
She’s made lists. Many lists. What kind of dress she will wear, where the ceremony will be, what sorts of flowers, what colors. She even told me I should go ahead and put in for vacation now, just in case I won’t be able to in fifteen years or so.
My answer to that—all that—was the sort of “Humph” that is code for “You better start talking about something else in the next five seconds.”
Because despite race or age or ethnicity or faith (or lack thereof), all fathers share this one thing in common—they will always see their daughters as little girls. Their little girls.
Yesterday:
Daughter and I are in the truck, on the way home from a stop at Lowe’s. Conversation is both light and shallow, touching upon school and work and writing.
Then, “Daddy, when I get married I think I want it to be outside.”
“Humph.”
“What?”
“Nothing,” I said.
I looked at her in the rearview mirror. Her eyes were thoughtful. “Do you think that’s a good idea?”
“What if it rains?” I asked.
“I hadn’t thought about that.”
“I don’t think you need to be pondering such things. Plenty to do between now and then.”
“But I ponder it a lot,” she said.
I looked away and through the windshield. Fiddled with the radio. Rolled the windows down a little more. Anything to distract her, to get her mind off a subject I had no desire whatsoever to elaborate upon. And, truth be known, I thought that maybe it would have been better if my son were sitting in the backseat of the truck and not her. Because we would be talking about baseball and dirt and mulch. I understood those things. Those things, I could freely talk about.
“I wonder where he is,” she said.
“Where who is?”
“The boy I’m going to marry.”
I doubt I can fully describe the magnitude of what she said. Suffice it to say it was enough for all the blood in my body to succumb to dread and pool in the toes of my boots. My arms went numb, my vision fuzzy. And I swear my heart stopped beating.
I’d never thought of that. I’d never paused and considered the fact that the boy my daughter will someday marry is alive right now. Growing up, just like her.
“I don’t know, honey.”
We drive home in silence, each of us staring out the nearest window. Thinking about him.
For my daughter, I have no doubt her thoughts revolved around how handsome he was and how kind. How he was perhaps a farmer or a scientist or a teacher.
For me, I thought more of who he would be than what, and what his parents were doing about all of that right now. Were they teaching him about honor and respect? Responsibility and hard work? Were they instructing him of the proper way to treat a woman? Were they slowly indoctrinating him to the truth that life is a hard thing and that love is a fragile one?
I hoped so.
Because one day the little girl in the backseat of my truck—my little girl—will be shared with someone else. The heart she has given me will be his. She will lean on him and love him and trust him, not in the same way she does with me now, but in a way similar.
The radio station went from commercial to a song we both knew. George Strait is a favorite in our home. He sang, I hummed. My daughter hummed, too. And when he reached the chorus, we both sang.
And I said, Let me tell you a secret about a fathers love,
A secret that my daddy said was just between us.
He said daddies don’t just love their children every now and then,
It’s a love without end, amen.
Amen.
Its so scary isnt it, the wedding has brought this conversation to our home to. My youngest daughter has decided to marry someone like daddy but handsome ha ha. My eldest are now teenagers and as i look at them and the young women they are becoming I can do one thing get on my knees and pray. That God will bring them husbands that will cherish, love and support them. xx
Completely LOVEly, Billy.
Bittersweet, the giving away of a child, but it’s far off yet for you.
I prayed for the parenting skills of those raising the boys and the girl who would eventually become my sons-in-law and daughter-in-law and for all the influences that would come to bear on them as they were shaped. I am almost speechless at how those prayers were answered.
A lovely post!
Billy,
What a wonderful heart of a father I would believe any boy’s family would be happy to know just how much you care for and think about your daughter’s welfare, her future and the unthinkable, the wedding that will come once upon a time.
It’s hard to see our kids, fast forward, to living lives solely on their own, with families, children and spouses. We can only pray we have lived and modeled our lives for them that they will take these life lessons along for the ride. Hang on, no one said it would easy. But we can at least hope for a happily ever after
Love and Hugs ~ Kat
LOL, it reminds me of myself, growing up watching Diana’s wedding over and over. Oh, we little girls have no idea what we do to our dads with those plans, do we? A love without end, indeed. 🙂
That’s a great post, Billy! Just one of those unknowns about the future of our children that will make all the difference in the world to what life will be like someday. We can only pray for the best for them, and like you are doing, love them without end!
That day comes for all of us. And it will be good. That doesn’t mean easy. But it will be good.
Well, I’ve got to tell you … The daddy in this house is pretty excited at this point. Our oldest daughter says she plans to wear sweatpants to prom and she has vowed not to get married until she’s, like, 32.
She says boys stink. 🙂
I like humming along to that song, too. I’ve never learned all the words, but the chorus after the last verse always brings a smile. I don’t suppose a mother can ever feel that unique bond that belongs to fathers and daughters, but when our son married I felt a similar anxious tug before sighing a prayer of trust and relinquishment. We’ve since handed over two daughters to wonderful men, and now look back, wondering how the years passed so quickly. There are grandchildren now! I think it’s best to remember the saying, “We don’t know what tomorrow holds, but we know Who holds our tomorrows.”
My girls are older than your daughter and these days when they discuss their future weddings (they never outgrow that by the way) it feels very real. Hubs worries about making it down the aisle without becoming a blubbering mess. I think this is one area that moms and dads view somewhat differently. I feel excitement and look forward with great anticipation to a wedding and to gaining a son. Hubs feels dread at the idea of ‘handing her over to some boy’ as he puts it. : )
Billy, as I read this I could see her sweet little face and it touched my heart! Start praying now for the spouses of your children! By the way, have you ever thought about the possibility of The Coffey Family doing a TV show like “The Waltons”? So many times, after reading one of your posts, I’ve thought “I’d love to have been there when that was going on”. I definitely think you have a TV audience out there! Love and hugs to you and your family.
First of all, LOVE THAT SONG!
Second, LOVE the song I Loved Her First.
Third, don’t worry about what his parents are teaching him. Pray for him, sure, but don’t worry about him because if you’re teaching your little girl how she should be treated. If you teach her right (and it sure sounds to me like you are!) do you really think she’ll marry someone who won’t treat her right?
And fourth, if you really want to get her hyped up, come to my wedding (in 18 days!!!!!) and let her actually see an outdoor wedding. 😉 The good point of that, though, is that my fiancée and I both waited until we were sure we were ready to consider marriage before we wanted to start courting ANYONE. He was my first boyfriend and I was his first girlfriend. And we’re saving our first kiss for our wedding. Surely it would put your mind a little more at ease if your daughter decided not to date until she was ready to consider marriage, and if she saved her first kiss for her wedding.
Having footed the bill for two weddings, Billy, let me just say, get a second-job now.
As a man with a 9-yr-old daughter, I know exactly what you mean. Very well said, Billy.
Because you referenced two different country songs already, I feel this one is worth sharing, and really fits in perfectly.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yJEPqZa8FDs
Giggled throughout – with a side of sighs. SO hard. But a fabulous post.
My oldest daughter turns twenty next week. She’s been dating the same boy for two years. Yes, I’m in a panic.
Thanks for a thought-provoking post. 🙂
Note to self: never read Billy Coffey’s posts about his daughter in a public place.
This is so beautiful. You two have such a precious relationship, and you put into words what I’m sure my dad would say if he could.
Thanks for touching my heart.
That was adorable. Thank you for sharing it.
I’m 32 and my dad still Humphs at me for doing anything independent or involving men. I think maybe you should just start getting use to it now and think of better plans than fiddling with the radio and window. hehe
I can laugh about it because of the love my parents have shown me.. and I suppose it will be far more difficult for them when I leave than when my brother and sister were married. I chose to move back home with them, to help out my mother as she struggles through a back injury that decreases her mobility every year. I often think about what a nightmare I was for them growing up and how lovely our relationship is now compared to then. I appreciate (now) the fact that my dad fought to guard my heart, and still does on occasion, despite my insistence.
That is exactly why I starting praying when my girls were newborns! For the men they would marry, and for the parents that were raising them right at the same time I was with my girls.
They are 7 and 9 now….so I have a few more years to pray. But lovely, wonderful post!
What a great reminder for you to start praying for that future son-in-law my friend! My husband will probably be in tears when I share this post with him.
Beautiful as always. Love your heart Billy!
Bless you!
Beth
What a wonderful moment with your daughter — and to conclude with a little George Strait. Sounds like a wonderful day….
sings, “she’s gonna leave you with a smile”
I loved my daddy so much — when he died, I knew that no one would ever love me like that again.
Celebrate that relationship fully and know that God gave you that …. even though I am sure you already know that.
I love your blog. 🙂
AMEN! Our oldest and our almost 9 year old talk about their wedding day often. Our oldest has dreamt about that day for years. You should see her eyes light up when she thinks about where he is right now and prays God is his guide, like He is hers. She prays for his character and strength to come from the truth. We pray that with her and for her. We pray the very same thing for each of our children. That their spouse loves the LORD with all of the heart more than they will ever love our children – because then and only then will they be in good enough hands for us to have peace as we give them over to live that journey without us. Whew! A big faith pill to swallow for sure!!!! Especially since our daughter will go off to college next year. Breath in – breath out!!!!
Blessings and so glad Beth shared this on FB so I could come read your blog again Billy! Praying you are doing well!!!
Jill
Side note that I forgot to mention before: please tell your daughter that it’ll come sooner than she realizes, but it’s also further away than she realizes. It’s nice to think about and I don’t begrudge her that, but if she spends all her time thinking of what’s too come she might miss what’s here right now. Tell her a woman who knows says: go outside and play, write a story (that has NOTHING to do with romance!), draw a picture (NOT of a wedding!), do something non-wedding-related because she needs to still enjoy life itself. That’s how you prepare for marriage – which is a WHOLE lot longer than a wedding!
Your daughter is so blessed to have you. You bring back memories of my own daddy. Unfortunately, he was already dead when I got married, but I know he looked down from heaven and approved.
This dang wedding brought the “when I get married” talk in to our house as well. It’s making my husband all sweaty and irritated as he only has daughters and does not
a. look forward to giving away either of his daughters to “a hairy legged boy”
b. mortgage our house, cars and retirement accounts to pay for said wedding
But as the (levelheaded, calm, extremely cool) mom in the house, I’ve been praying for their future husbands since both girls were infants. I ask God for only 2 criteria…that they love Jesus and love my daughter. Past that, I try not to think about the weddings one day.
That is until I see a great wedding on TV.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go get my husband a cloth to mop his sweaty, annoyed brow 😉
amen and amen.
A couple of years ago I started praying for the girl (and family) that my now 7-year old son would one day marry. I reckon it’s a good idea start covering that relationship in prayer now. George, huh? He’s big-time here too.
Blessings.